|
|
     "The Way I Am" Dear readers, It's May! Finally it is the national holiday known as my birth month. I'm 24 next Saturday May 11th. It's going to be interesting. All of this will be interesting. I always look at this month as a time to look back and closely examine every detail from the last year of my life. That starts with the very first day of the month. I'm not gonna lie, today was a little rough. I have all this built up stress trying to get back out of here and I took it out on my mom today. I know, you're going to say, how dare you! But I legit went batshit crazy and screamed like a crazy person. I guess that just goes to show I needed to scream. I just hate that it fell upon my mom. Luckily that was a few hours ago and we've moved on since then. I wasn't about to let my actions screw everything up. I mean at least I didn't jump out of the car like I did when I got sick, but still, I literally screamed. I hate that i'm feeling this way because I am happy majority of the time. I guess with my birthday next week, i'm feeling time creep up on me. I realize I haven't really had time to myself since New York. I haven't even written a complete song about the place, because i've been thinking so much about other aspects of my life. Literally everything in this diary is my thoughts and it is pretty much all real time. Screaming at my mom today reminded me about the way I am. I am a complex human who is still battling battles and growing as he goes. I talk a lot about this with my best friend Dan, time feels like it is slipping out of our hands. How do I keep up with it and have it adjust to my ever evolving self? I look at it this way. There is several versions of me all mixing together. There is the LA boy, The Let The Music Be Your Guide era, The early Glaucoma Dom, The hard times Glaucoma Dom, The surrender era Dom, The clear glasses/New York Dom and the post New York moving forward Dom. All of that is meshing together in my mind and it feels like multiple parts of my brain are trying to figure out how they work together and what is the best way to create one version of me. Does that make sense? I literally have to outline it that way, because I feel the differences begin to show. I'm constantly redefining myself and what becomes from every version. It's like metamorphosis but at much faster pace. As I continue to solve and face inner issues head on, I learn more about the way that I am. Such as me screaming today. I guess that happened for a reason, because I can now use that as a launching point for me to figure out what other underlining issues may be getting to me. I'm not a ticking time bomb that is about to break, but I am someone who as you can clearly see, has finally been addressing personal issues that I haven't really shed light on. For awhile it was all Glaucoma all the time. Ever since I started stepping back out into the world, i've had to ask myself the hard questions. The last month has been all about my mental health in a way. I mean saw one of the greatest ghost foes of the past come back to haunt me and shake me to my core. From there I had to readjust and bring those feelings back to life in order for me to accept the flaws that was created within myself. 23 has been good, now I hope the map i'm laying out will somehow take course, especially with whatever is thrown to me and the way I am. Love, Dom Photographer: Courtney Johnson What I'm Wearing: Hat - Rue 21, Jacket - Forever 21, Jeans - Good Fellow, Shoes - Lugz PRESS PLAY Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title Page 125
Stories From My Life - Chapter 13 Comments are closed.
|