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Oh my god. I'm moving to New York in 12 days. Is this really happening? I can feel every bone in my body tell me that it's time to take this jump. I don't know how i'm going to wrap this around my head. But, this is happening. This is happening so fast and it is so surreal to be living in this moment. It is basically my last full week here in California. This week is really my week of goodbyes. My bon voyage party is this weekend,I have my farewell SF dinner tomorrow, and i'm gonna be spending quality time with my boys and my parents. I want to make the most out of this week. Next week i'm only in California for 3 full days, and those days will be used to getting the last of my things ready to go on this new journey. I've been trying to make some connections from afar, so I don't show up lonely as hell during the last half of the holiday season. Some texted back, some just ignored me. That's okay. It is what it is. I just wanted to reach out and try and have some friends. I obviously have no family in New York. So, I will make one of my own, via the good people i'll meet along the way. I'm not looking to make enemies at the beginning of a brand new story. I just want good people in my life. I know they will come, it's just going to take a second for everyone to get to know me, and for me to find my tribe. It's really daunting, that no one here is going to New York with me, but everyone keeps saying it is for the best, that I go by myself. I agree. I feel that I have to, in order for me to fully feel the change within. The deal is someone should be coming once a month to check in on me. I love that deal, cause it makes the distance feel a lot less. We'll see if that actually holds up. Dash will be coming in early January, that's confirmed already. So at least I have that going for me. It's weird. I'm in my old office and I can just hear the sound of echoes now. It's not completely empty, but empty enough that I can hear my voice shout back to me. When I moved to LA, this whole room was empty. I'm obviously leaving a lot of my things behind, so the room is not empty this time. There is something so different about this move though. It does feel more fulfilling, and more right. The last time I moved, it felt really rushed. This feels so natural, and like it was always bound to be this way. I don't think i'll really process my thoughts on how I feel about the move, until next week, when I say goodbye to California. Right now it is all a blur. A chaotic blur, but a chaotic blur filled with love. California is finally starting to get it's fall colors. Yes, I know fall is almost over, but it's nice to see that before I go. It reminds me of all the nights I really got to fall in love with SF. Most people have those nights in the summer and the spring. Not me, most of my beautiful memories were made in the fall. Minus last summer, that was a stunning summer, wasn't it?... If you're a new reader, you have no clue what i'm talking about. You should go back 50 pages or so, summer 2018 was amazing. Anyways, back to present day. You see what I mean? It's a blur. But a blur that I'm grateful for. As I sing out loudly in my office and hear the sound of my voice echo back to me, I know that in this moment, that echo is calling back to me for a reason. Because the sound that i'm about to hear when I move next week, will be the sound of my future calling to me, to fulfill my destiny. I can't wait to see what happens this week. I know it's going to be so special, regardless of how it all turns out. I'm ready to take it all in. Oh my god, you guys. This is really happening. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Vintage Find, Turtle Neck - Chaps, Jeans - Forever 21
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 16: THE FINAL PAGES
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)