Surrender

What i'm wearing: Jacket - Good Fellow, Shirt - Good fellow, Trousers - H&M, Shoes - Good Fellow

START OF: Chapter 6

​"Surrender"

Dear readers,
I'm Dom. It's nice to reintroduce myself to all of you. This is a fresh take on this ongoing coming of age story. This is the chapter that I let down all my walls. I've been letting them down but now i'm taking the wrecking ball to the perception of me and creating something new. Winter; all the seasons, years, chapters, and books are all behind us. It is now Spring. Just like the blooming flowers, I will bloom too. The layers are gone and i'm ready to explore new territory. Who I was before I got sick and who I became after, that is who I am now. I am mixture of both and as you guys read this, we are going to re get to know who am I now. I have been trapped behind 4 walls for the past 4 years. Now i'm breaking them down and trying new things. My illness and personal problems may still be at the forefront but i'm handling them differently. I'm standing here arms wide open, I'm surrendering to the life that I am worthy of. 

I have gotta say, regardless of how shitty I feel some days, I ain't gonna lie I felt really good shooting this. The amount of people who were eyeing me got my confidence up 100%. I used to not pay attention to that but my loved ones have been telling me to own it lately. Hell, i'm running with it. This is the first time in years that I have felt like me, before everything came crashing down. I ditched the pomade and went all natural for the first time in a long time. My natural hair up and messy how I used to wear it, Feeling lighter than ever in one of the lightest spring outfits that I own. It feels so good to be out of the winter layers, regardless of how much I love winter clothing. As I walked around the city, I realize I don't really know this place. I lived 45 mins away from SF growing up and I never really went there til I became sick and by that time I was already an adult. One of the things I want to do with this new me, is explore more of SF. I am going to hunt down the best places to visit, eat, and have some fun. I had this stick up my ass for 4 years because I was terrified of what people were saying about me. The ghosts of my past and present, I let their opinions matter. I made myself feel so unworthy of life. Now as you can tell by my more "loose" writing, I don't give a flying fuck anymore. For the past few weeks I am remembering that I am Dom Baza. I am bringing back that level of confidence that I once had. It went to hell when DB got sicky. Well DB is still sick, but I refuse to let the life I have in me go to waste. Geez, I want to dance you guys. I want to go out and eat whatever the hell I want (just not meat or chicken, I don't eat that), and if I want to drink a beer I will drink a beer. All of my peers regardless of what ages they may be, I compared myself to them, when I ain't even on their level. I let myself undermine the most special qualities that I have and failed to realize i'm on my own level. I feel like with the pages I wrote before this, I teeter tottered my way around them. I'm always honest with my writing but I was scared to say certain things. One thing you'll start to see is me drop a curse word every other post. I have a potty mouth, do I care? Hell no! After all the hell i've been through, don't try me, cause I probably will say something that you won't want to hear, lol. I'm writing this with a clear mind. Let's be real, all the pages before sailboat make me want to slap my face. I love how I wrote them, I just hate the fact that I was feeling that way. I re read the last few chapters and November 2017 onward I could read my pain between the lines. I don't want to feel that way again. I'm going to show all of me now. No more hiding. What good is hiding going to do? I feel loose and that is good. My goal for the next chapters is to, like I said earlier get to know SF better, travel to places as soon as possible, get my 6th surgery and remission done and out of my way, move out of the bay area and go where I belong and do good with what I have been given. This is not a reawakening, this is not a reboot, a rebranding, this is a reclamation. A part of me is still scared as hell to surrender, but i've never been more ready. Trust me, i'm still nervous, but I have room to grow and I'm anxious to see what happens. 

This is a rebirth. Why is it a rebirth? Well, no more walls. No more denying the feelings I have. I'm just giving in now. I have a lot to work on. I have my battle to be fought and my inner demons to conquer. Mixing who I was before with the Dom that you guys have got to know over the last 2 books is interesting. It just adds more layers to who I am. Just when I thought I was near the surface, I'm still scratching it. I keep saying to myself, it is time to live in my truth. I'm never going to get the light I lost back, so I might as well get to working and make my own. I am going to stand in my own light. I hope that no matter how low I may get over the next chapters and beyond, that I won't forget who I am. I hope that the messages I am spreading will come across and that I will finally be heard. How fitting is this, that this page is out exactly 2 months before my 23rd birthday. Something good is bound to happen. You guys may not be here in person but I know you are "Next To Me". Lastly, to any new readers, remember my name, I am Dom Baza. Don't forget that.  We are going to do good, I am going to do good. I deserve my happy ending, my happy middle and my happy beginning.  Yes, in that order. We have a ways to go, so let's get traveling.

​Love, Dom 

PS: Listen to this song. I'll cover it next week. This is already a jam packed week for MRDOMBAZA so it will be out next week! Let's surrender together. 
​
Photographer: Joanna Wheeler  

PRESS PLAY
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title

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​Stories From My Life - Chapter 6