"Still My Guide"
Everytime June 17th comes around, i'm taken back to 2013. If you look at a timeline of my life, that date will be highlighted. It was the day I released Let The Music Be Your Guide (the single), out into the world. I didn't mean to align the release with pride month, but it somehow worked out in my favor. As the years go on, it amazes me how special and how relevant that song still is. I'm always taken back to the Costco parking lot where I wrote it and those feelings that I had replaying it to myself in the car on the way home to LA, over and over via my voice memos. It was and still is one of those moments that just sticks with you for life. I always revisit it every year. This year I get to revisit the new life I gave to the song last year. It didn't put a dent in my career to impact it more, but it did a dent to my heart, knowing that some people still cared for what I stand for. I've been thinking a lot about that. What do I stand for? I am evolving daily. I feel like the person who I have become is trying to find his new place in the world. It's been confusing, since New York. Coming back from that experience really has been difficult. It's been difficult because I feel like my life has grown out of the life that I have lived here in California. Now that life that is inside of me is just trying to figure out what is possible and which path do I walk, so I can walk back out of here and live the life my life craves and deserves. I had a convo with one of my best friends earlier this week. He just wanted to check in and see where my state of mind is at. For someone who has been dealing with sunshine and rain, I feel like i've created a corner in the world for myself. A corner where I can gather my thoughts and breathe. That is how my head is staying above water. Because I sure as hell would be drowning right now. After chatting about my personal issues, it really occurred to me that who I am now, still really relies on the map I created in 2013. Somehow everything ties back together and it always leads me back to point A, my music. We all know that is what i'd rather be doing. I'm still doing it. I'm still writing. I sing everyday and i'm still learning new things about the sound that is inside of me. What I write in these entries and what I write in my lyrics, it's clear that my heart still stands for everything and every word within Let The Music Be Your Guide. I may be struggling to get back out of here, but as I once told my 17 year old self, I know that you can do it, let this magic music be your guide. Sometimes I go off my guide, but it always leads me back to where i'm meant to be. My guide is somehow still here in California. It somehow has taken a little detour, I hate to admit it, but it did that for a reason. I'm still here because, even if I feel the life I have lived here is redundant, my guide still says there's a little more for me. Once I walk those steps then it will show me the way back out of here. For now, I have to use the tools I so heavily included within LTMBYG and combine it with the new tools that I have earned from seeking discomfort. Mixing seeking discomfort and hope together, that makes for an compelling combo. Back then I cared what people said about me. Now, i'm out here and i'm proud, just like everyone else. I own the skin I am in, I own my desires, I own up to who I want to love and I own the disease that I didn't care to own up to during my early days with it. 2014 Dom locked himself in the tower. 2019 Dom is outside of that tower letting the hair down and trying new things with it. You know, I accepted a challenge recently. It is the 100 days of sweat challenge. I would never do things like that. Something in me just said, what the hell, you gotta do it. It's gonna do some good for you and for what you stand for. It really got me thinking hard. I can show people what else the strength in me is made out of. Sometimes I feel weak, but I am not weak, I will prove to myself that I am stronger than ever. As I listen to the lyrics of my own song, I am reminded my inner strength has always been in there preaching for what is right in the world. It has been preaching that there is more to life than what appears. From unity, equality and love. It's been 6 years since LTMBYG was released and those messages has been waiting for me to wear them out and proud. Not just speak them out loud, but let them be seen and represented. In a month filled with pride, it is my duty to not just preach, but show who I am. I am not locked up anymore. Sure, I have baggage from my past and my illness. But no one can fuck with my freedom. I am here, I have my guide and it's up to me to go out and get some, get some of what I want, and get to those steps that I need to walk upon so my guide can fulfill its duty to show me the path that will lead where i'm meant to be.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing: Shirt - H&M, Jeans - Good Fellow
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 15
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)