Saying Goodbye

Dear readers,

The party is over. It's time for saying goodbye. I can't believe I'm sitting here on my one-way flight to New York. It feels surreal to be here in this moment. Let's back it up though, let's talk about today. I woke up this morning and it felt so weird saying to myself, this is the last morning I will wake up in California, as a citizen of this state... for now at least. Before I left, I wanted to make sure I went back to the childhood church I grew up in. Over the last few weeks, I've been going back to places that mean a lot to me. This was the last place on my list. At the end of the day, my relationship with everyone above me, is somehow my strongest, just because I talk to everyone up there all the time. I needed to do this for me, I needed their blessing before I begin to walk on this new pathway. After I finished the mass, I went out to lunch with Braeden. I'm glad I got to spend a few hours with him before he sent me on my way to the airport tonight. I love my godbrother, and as I've already said, I'm so grateful for the bond that we have, and I'm so thankful we got to spend the last few weeks together, making memories, and bonding, like true brothers. I couldn't leave California without seeing my sister Courtney, one more time. She wasn't able to spend much time with me because of work, but I'm glad we got to take one more Target trip (it's gonna be so weird shopping without her, lol)... and on the way home, before we parted ways, we stopped by one of my favorite locations, Russian Hill. Xav and I went there last year. Ever since then it has become one of my favorite spots in the whole city. I love going there to reflect on life and just take in the beauty of our large, but small city. Taking in this last glimpse of SF, with my sister by my side, will always be a memory I cherish. I took on SF with her, we took over all of it together. I'm so amazed at everything we were able to do. She is my home, and she made this city my home. I can't believe I'm saying goodbye to it, but it just makes what will come down the line, when I eventually return, even more special. Courtney and I have been crying a lot, knowing that this story is coming to an end. As I gave her one more hug, I'm glad we didn't cry. We just smiled and said, "see you, Friday". Which she will see me... tomorrow on FaceTime. Just because I'm leaving, doesn't mean our bond breaks or changes, it just grows and when we reunite down the line, it will be stronger than ever. When I got home my cousin Joey came by with Grandma, to say goodbye for now. I don't know when I will see her next, but it was nice to see them before I leave. My cousin used to drive me around and take all my photos for me. It's amazing to see how far we have come and how fast time has flown. I wouldn't believe you if you told me 2 years ago, I'd be moving across the country, all by myself. How insane is that! It's important to have these last few moments with my family, because next time I see them, I will have evolved into someone else. My Auntie Mom couldn't make it to the airport, because my flight left at 10:30 pm. So she stopped by to see me before we left for the airport. Like I've said, she is my grandma reincarnated. So much of my grandma is within her. It's so hard saying goodbye to her. I know time is limited with my elders, and having to say goodbye to her is hard on me. I only pray God keeps her safe, so I can continue seeing her whenever I return to California. That's my Auntie Mom, and I'm so thankful for all she has done for our family. I'll always be thankful. As Auntie Mom was leaving, mama Nell barged in the house. She made it on time to see me off. Oh, Mama Nell. She brought these large craft supplies to make me a "going away leigh". Oh, how I'll miss randomly seeing her pop up in the house. Tonight was the last time I'll get to see that for a while, but it was good to have that much-needed laugh. As my brothers began to show up, it became clear that my time was winding down in California. Before Braeden came back to the house, Jamie and I spent a few mins together. Oh, my brother, you always saw me as the best friend who was made for so much more than what he was given, now here I am, going to put that theory to work. Since middle school, you've always held my hand, now I have to let go. God, I didn't want to let go. But I know you'll still be holding my hand and guiding me from afar. You're always with me, and like Braeden, I'm so glad we got to spend the last few weeks together. I'll always cherish that. As my luggage made it into the cars, I said goodbye to my childhood home, which I've always known. I walked around into each room and replayed every beautiful memory in my head. From the moments within the last 8 years with my baby boys to the Christmas lights that I put up every year throughout the house to the times when I was kid with my sister doing homework in the hallway in my mom and dad's room to every song I wrote within that blue bedroom, to every song I sang with mom throughout the house, to every talk I'd have with dad on his couch, to the first time I couldn't see and broke down, as I had to be guided down the stairs, to that morning when I got hit by the car and the feeling of somberness as I arrived back at the house, all the way to the very last party we had, aka my bon voyage. This is the last time that I will leave this house as Dom Baza. Some of you are probably thinking, what the hell does he mean? Well, it's true, it is the last time I will leave the house as Dom Baza. Next time I return I will be Roydom Lucian. Full name, Roydom Lucian Baza. Yes, I am changing my name. All of it. My legal name, my business name, and my stage name. My dad’s name is Roy. When I was born, my name was originally supposed to be Roy. My parents never made up their minds, so the wrong name got put on my birth certificate. I’ve been stuck with that legal name that I HATE. Now that I’ve made this life jump to New York and completed my California story, I felt it was time to do the same with my name. This year I will legally change my name for my 25th birthday. I chose Roydom Lucian because 1. To honor my dad and the name we were supposed to share. I got my voice from my mom and want my dad’s name as a physical part of me. I have my voice to honor my mom, and my name to honor my dad. 2. To honor Dom Baza and all I’ve gotten to do with that name as a brand and as a person. I couldn’t let Dom go. I can say goodbye to him, but parts of him is and always will be apart of me. 3. Lucian is the male name for Lucy. Saint Lucy is the saint for eyesight. With my disease, Glaucoma, I wanted something to honor that. I’ve been praying to Saint Lucy since I got sick, and now I will have her physically apart of my name. I want to be the person I am meant to be, and that person is Roydom Lucian. I have a fresh start and I’m starting this next story out as who I am meant to be. I’ve kept this quiet for about a year now. I knew I would make this switch, back in 2018. My parents were the only ones aware that I was making this change. Not even my loved ones were aware of this. If I’m gonna become myself, then I need to be who I am, wholeheartedly. I love this name, and it just feels like the right time to be who I was always supposed to be. I’m so grateful to get this fresh start as my new self, in my new home, on my new journey. I'll always have what I've done as Dom Baza, apart of me, but now is the right time to step into a new life, as the person I always saw myself as. That's why I've been so emotional lately. I already knew that these last few weeks would be my last few weeks as Dom Baza. Moving forward everyone can call me Roydom Lucian, or Roy, or Dom, I'll allow Roy or Dom, because they are both apart of this new me, that I will grow into. As I headed to the car, I said goodbye to Uncle Robert. I hope he's good for mom and dad. Now it's just the 3 of them, but hey, I'll be back eventually. As annoying as he may be (brother annoying, we are like brothers, lol), I will miss him, so much. I took one more glimpse of the Christmas decorations and lights that I put up. I just wanted to see them sparkle one more time, because I know my legacy as Dom Baza will always be alive within the home I grew up in. Well, that's it for my childhood home. I blew one last kiss and went on my way to the airport. I rode with Braeden and Jamie since there was no room in Mom and dad's car. We had a musical theater sing a ton, and let me tell you, it was so good to sing some final songs with my brothers. I guess that was my true Dom Baza encore, lol. By the time we got to the airport, we waited in line to check in all my luggage. There was a man there asking what all this luggage was for. My mom told him, my son is moving to Brooklyn, New York. He told us how Brooklyn will treat me well, and how Brooklyn is the perfect place, for artists like me. I couldn't agree more. He then looked at me and said, you're gonna do so good over there, I can see it in you. He asked for my name, and I turned around and said, Roydom Lucian. That was the first time I ever used that name in public, he turns to me and says, good luck, Mr. Lucian. At that moment the lines were crossed as I planted the seeds to grow into who I'm supposed to be. Braeden, Jamie, Mama Nell, Mom, and Dad all took me upstairs to the waiting area. We waited for a little, and then it was time for us to part. My mom told me, I don't want to see you cry, you better smile when you board that train to the plane. Go and do this. You can do this. You were always born to do this. When you leave here, you're not Dom Baza anymore, you're Roydom Lucian. Be Roydom Lucian. So as I gave my brothers, mama Nell, and my parents, one last long hug, I boarded that train with a smile on my face. I took a deep breath, and during the 15th second, I breathed out a sigh, knowing that my new journey was about to begin. After airport security, I boarded my flight. Now here we are in the air, flying somewhere over Nevada. I did it, I left California. I left all that I've ever known. What's next, well, we'll just have to find out. As I look out the window, I'm so grateful for all that I've gotten to do in California. I lived 24 years of my life there. Our story is complete for now, but I know it will come around again and again because it will always be apart of me. Anyways, I'll probably end up there down the line again, I'll always be a California boy.

As for my mom and dad, this is your story as much as it is mine. I'm so grateful for you both. I promise as I move forward, dad, carrying your name, and mom, carrying your voice. I promise that our story will be told to the best of my ability. I now get to walk forward and introduce myself with dad apart of my name, and the voice that speaks within me, has my mom within it. Thank you both for setting me on this path since I was 3. I will do right by you, by all of you, by me. Where we come from, where we have been, where we are going, what we stand for, what I stand for, I promise to honor it all. This is our story, and I promise the world will know our story. I pray it impacts them, like it has impacted us. Thank you for everything, mom and dad. We now move forward, apart, but still very much together.
I love you.

​As my seat mates began to introduce themselves, they asked me what my name is.... I turn to them and said, my name is Roydom Lucian. We chatted for a bit, then they fell asleep, and I began to write this. If something good can come from bad, then the past can rest in peace. Through you, the good came into my life. Thank you, SF. My friend, my safety net, and my companion for the last few years. You have given me more than I never knew I would end up with. It’s been an honor to have this city as the backdrop to my story. It’s been a privilege to grow and get to know who I am within this city.  I can’t wait to eventually return and visit, and one day be able to show my future kids the city that really played an important part in daddy’s life. I will always be so grateful for you. I will always cherish the memories that will stick with me life. I can’t wait to showcase to the world, the depth and layers that you gave to my heart and soul. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Until next time, my SF.  See you in the next story, my LA.  Eh, thanks, Fairfield. I’ll be back, my California. My family, wherever I go, you’re with me always. See you all in the next story. I love you all. Starting over is a beautiful thing. You find out who you are through the pain. Now’s the time to find out. It’s been an honor being Dom Baza, but now it’s time for an even better version of myself. My truest self.... I can’t wait for you to meet him....

With all that said, I’m ready to let go now. Thank you for making me, me.
The End...
​and the beginning of something completely new

Love, ​Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Vintage Find, Jacket - Hugo Boss, Pants - Forever 21, Boots - Palladium, Beanie - Good Fellow

122nd and Final Page
​Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 16: THE FINAL PAGES