This page is made in collaboration with TryHard.cool. I love the new collection created by comedian, Peet Guercio. If you have a sense of humor, you would understand what this is all about. Life doesn't always have to be serious, and like the shirt says, i'm not a fucking robot. We shouldn't have to follow commands, we are humans, and we should follow our hearts, with thoughts, love, and a little fucking humor. Check out the rest of the great collection from Try Hard, and get yourself some pieces for your life!
"Robot" (feat. TryHard dot cool )
Oh how i've been feeling really good. Weird right? I'm starting out this entry talking about how clear my thoughts have been lately. My body feels like it is waking up little by little, post everything that has happened. As I look ahead to the future, I have a lot on my mind. I'm starting to take my first steps forward, but... i'm looking back at my past to make sure I feel like I have completed a whole journey, come the end of my story here in California. I was having a conversation with my therapist. It was about forgiveness. I talked about my history in the music industry, my upbringing in a very unsupportive town, the hate and discrimination I faced along the way, and every other hurtful thing that happened to me. Literally everything from the last 5 years, and before that. I said that I felt in my younger years, I was being molded to into something I am not. From middle school to Let The Music Be Your Guide, I had people trying to control what they thought was right for my mind and my public persona. I let some people do that. I let some people make me into something they wanted me to be. I don't think I really learned how to take control of how I feel, if i'm being honest, until recently. I have always let myself feel what I need to feel. But i've never controlled how I feel. Now... I am. Looking back, I see the little ways I tried to be like everyone else. For example, last year, I was happy, but I was taking style cues from my peers. I thought I needed to be more like people in the same industry, in order to get more followers or collabs. As much as I love the memories that I made then, I can't help but look back and continuously judge who I used to be. I can see it, that I was wanting to break free of something. I was starting to let go, but I was holding on to the persona of what people think Dom Baza should be. With the history of my disease and where I started my career, all the way up to the moment I got hit by the car. It didn't hit me that I wasn't giving the world what I have always seen on the inside. Finally, I feel like I am the most comfortable I have been in my in my own skin, in so long. Like I said, I was enjoying getting back into the world, but there was apart of myself that I just kept holding back. My therapist said I grew my hair as a symbolization that i'm letting myself free. I'm finally feeling my hair blow within the wind. It's true, I am. I played by the rules, that I believed I had to live up to. I always wanted to be a role model for kids, and everyone else in between. But the fact of the matter is, I'm not a role model. I'm someone you can look to for inspiration, but i'm not perfect. I'm not the man you want your kids to have a poster up so they can strive to be like me. Who I was before, was basically a robot. I would never want a child to have to feel like they have to be like everyone else. I have always publicly shared how I feel, but I was still tugging onto the vessel I held everything inside of. Now, i'm letting it all out. I'm airing out all my dirty laundry, because I just want to be free. The moment I flew off of that car, the world flipped again, and the controls that kept letting my mind tell me how to do things, broke when I landed on the ground. Now, I feel different. More carefree, more open. I was closing up, and now I feel like my outsides are starting to match my insides. The persona that I once let people see, is not what I am becoming. It is not what I am showcasing now. Some people may not like that, some people may find it more enduring. Either way, i'm becoming who i'm supposed to be. One of my heroes, Kurt Cobain, once said, "i'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not". I'm not a fucking robot, I am me, this is me, this is who I am becoming, and I couldn't be more proud to break free from the controls, I let control me.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Try Hard, Jeans - Forever 21, Flannel - Chaps
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 16: THE FINAL CHAPTER
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)