"Lean On Me is made in collaboration with Big Moods. As you all know, I don't hide my feelings and let what i'm feeling be heard and known. I'm thrilled to team up with Big Moods to share their mental health awareness collection. Beyond those stickers, they have more great selections for many other big moods you may be feeling. Use my code "Baza20" to get 20% off your order on their website.
"Lean On Me"
If you would have told me a show about kids turned teenagers battling alien creatures, would make me think about life turned upside down? I would have laughed my ass off. But seriously, Stranger Things has done that for me. I mean for starters, the world we live in basically became an episode of the upside-down when Cheeto came into office. Every year when the 4th of July comes around, I sit back and evaluate the current state of the country and the world around me. I remember the first 4th of July with him in office. I did not celebrate. Instead, I looked around SF and got so emotional seeing how down people were. This new world we were dropped into. It was not something ideal for any of us. I feel like we have adjusted. But that feeling is still there, even if we try to push off some of those things we are feeling. What I love about Stranger Things is that it is so relatable. That upside-down version of the world, I related to that so much when I got sick, when Trump became president, and even more so now, since returning from New York. It is a familiar territory but flipped on its head. It's no wonder why Will was freaked out when he was trapped down there. That sick feeling in your stomach just does not go away. It drives you nuts and sometimes it takes it too far. So far that it can break you. Sometimes break you for the worst, but hopefully for the better. How you handle that, that's up to how your mind works, and how much your heart can take. In a world were racism, discrimination, and violence are all at an all-time high, that comes with more mental, verbal, and physical abuse. I see it going on everywhere. And with some of the things going on in my life, it has triggered a lot of feelings that I thought I buried years ago. I guess it was just hidden and never fully healed. Then again, I don't think you can ever fully heal from any form of abuse. Things that I see going on in this world and my life, it makes me want to scream over and over again. For example, Halle Bailey was just cast to play my favorite Disney Princess in the live-action Little Mermaid. The amount of racism that is coming out of every corner, insulting this girl, when they don't even know her. It's nuts. it's sad and it is disgusting. It's sad to think people would stoop to the lowest level. I mean, I didn't see that with my own eye until I stepped foot in Virginia back in May. I was beating around the bush when I spoke about it in my previous entries. But since we are being honest here, that place is filled with toxicity and discrimination against anyone who is not white. That is why I said, I hope with time they will be more open and accepting of everyone from all corners of the earth and every part of them that makes each individual special. Something that I am having to relearn the hard way, is that with this new version of me, comes the backstory of who I used to be. As I evolve and grow into something more, I have to take care of my mental state of mind. I would say I feel like it is spiraling into something I never wanted this new version of me to have to go through. Luckily I have my loved ones to lean on. I feel like the 4th of July can trigger the worst thoughts in a lot of people. Especially with what has unfolded over the last few years. The fireworks can turn into literal hellfire. For me the things that keep my mental state of mind sane, are, spider-man or anything marvel, happy thoughts from every version of myself, beautiful moments that shape a major part of my heart, being surrounded by people who know what I've gone through and can be here for me, and in return me for them, praying and talking to those above me, writing music that heals my heart and clears my mind, writing in this diary of mine and expressing things that can't be expressed in other ways, and listening to music from artists that ease my mind and lift me up. Part of the reason why there was and still is such a major shift in the clothes that I wear, is that the clothes are lighter and happier to even out the heaviness I am carrying in my mind. I have to take care of my mind so that my heart won't hurt as much. Whatever it takes to make my mental state be okay. It is important to showcase how you want to feel so that you can have that as a goal and do your best to feel the way you want to feel. Sometimes your outsides don't match your insides. It takes a lot of work to recenter them both. I'm in the process of that. I will never not, not repeat this, but "grow as we go", is a motto for me. Heck, I feel it is the motto for this whole 2nd half of this story. As I figure things out, things I never thought I'd have to readdress after New York, I hope that the world around me can figure itself out as well. The earth has a mental state of mind too. People forget that. Let me tell you, I don't think the earth is so proud of the actions going on within its soil. It needs someone to lean on and it needs everyone to step up and do their best to right the wrongs that have been done. The world is continuously growing. As human beings, each and every one of us are going through our own issues.. Tomorrow as we look up at the fireworks, I hope it is not a symbol of hellfire, but a sign that the brightness that we lost, will come back and center our inner selves to match the outer persona that we showcase to the world. We've still got so much we don't know, and we are still finding ourselves. And through it all, we grow as we go.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson & Dom Baza
What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Stranger Things 3 collection, Shorts - H&M, Glasses - MVMT
What I'm Wearing: Overalls - Forever 21, Shirt - Good Fellow, Shoes - Fila
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Page 142 & Page 143
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 15
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)