I Wanna Be Sedated

"I Wanna Be Sedated"

​Dear readers,
It's that time of year again. The time of year where I can just talk about how much Spider-Man means to me. I swear anytime I get to talk about my favorite hero, it makes me so happy. He's a big part of my life. He's a big part of this story of mine. I somehow find myself grow closer to this character and his backstory every single year. From my nephews loving him as much as I do, to his expanding role in the MCU, even in the little moments that I had in New York, such as my visit to Midtown comics. Just thinking about that city being the backdrop to his story, how I was there seeing it with my own eye. I will admit, I love everything about Spider-Man, not even ashamed to say, I have a huge crush on Tom Holland. I mean, come on, he's everything. If anything, he made me re fall in love with Spidey. I didn't even know that was possible after loving spidey for 17 years. You all know I made a list of 24 things to do by the time I turn 25. One of the things on that list was to celebrate the release of Spider-Man Far From Home, in a special way. I'm at a really interesting place in my life right now. I can feel my past start to stay in the past, with the bigger elements of it being shot into my now, and trickling into the future. Ever since Tom Holland joined the MCU, every year I get to look at Spider-Man on film as the north star on my compass. I feel like it re centers my mind to a place where I can think about everything that came before me and how that shapes into my now and beyond. Spidey and Peter Parker remind me of a time when I was 7 years old and getting to know the world around me. Asking questions and learning about the way things worked. I see that same wonder in my nephews eyes. I was lucky that I got to take Tyson to see Homecoming back in 2017. Now he's 8 years old, older with a better understanding, but still filled with questions about the world around him. My youngest, JJ, is 5 years old. You can tell he's getting launched into older things like Spidey and learning from the questions his brother has, and questions he may have himself. To be able to have this experience with them, means a lot. I hope when they are my age, they look back and cherish moments like this, like I do. I always go back to when I was 7 reading the comics, playing with my Spider-Man toys and watching the animated series and live action film. It puts a smile on my face during my darkest moments. I thought by the time Far From Home was out, that i'd be at a different place, mentally and literally. I am inching there, but I didn't think i'd be in town to see this with my boys. I'm walking on uncharted territory in a familiar place. Over the past few weeks it has made me feel lost. But then that feeling of comfort kicked in, knowing that I get to see Peter Parker back on screen telling a new story for me and a whole new generation, who loves him, as much as I did and still do. It is a reminder, that no matter where I go and what I do, I can always look back at the memories I had when I was 7 and growing, to the memories I get to make with my boys on special days watching Far From Home and seeing Peter Parker in Europe with Mysterio and a mixed race MJ. I mean, I thought the robotic Green Goblin suit was cool, but I never expected to see the fish bowl brought to the big screen and a race bended MJ. My 7 year old mind would be blown! I don't think many people know this, but I actually collect everything Spider-Man. It just makes me feel like I still have a grip of who I really am. From the phases of my life and the changes that I go through, he remains a constant in whatever skin I grow into as I go. Looking back to when I first started sharing tributes for this character, this franchise, this hero, it amazes me to see how much we've both grown. Homecoming was released in the early days of a new era of mrdombaza. I had turned everything into a diary of sorts 2 months prior. I was bloated, depressed, untrusting, blonde, and putting on a brave face so no one knew how I truly felt. I masked my feelings underneath my Spider-Man mask. I wish I shared them more, I did, but I left out details. But in that entry, the first one that I ever opened up about how much I love Spidey, reading it back, I see how genuine and how happy that film made me feel for a moment in time. The pride and joy seeing my nephew's eye light up seeing Peter Parker be brought home to the MCU, where he belongs. That same feeling has crept back up to me during a time of genuine uncertainty. Last time around, my disease was still very much in the drivers seat and everything else was raining hell all around me. Now, it's not raining hell, but it is an unclear road ahead. I'm glad there is a rest stop within Far From Home. For me to be able to look back at the moments that make me. me. So that I can clear the fog that is blinding what's ahead. With new moments with both my nephews by my side as we see Peter Parker venture into an uncertain world post snap. How meta is that!? We're both on a path to step it up and be the hero we need  for those around us, and most importantly, ourself. Sometimes it takes mind tricks from a man in a fishbowl to make us focus and understand ourselves better. To remember even when creatures like the elementals or just fog, tries to get in the way, we'll always find another way in another corner of our mind, to get to the right state of mind and right place where we are meant to be. While becoming, growing into, and being the hero we are were always meant to be. 

Love, Dom 

​Photographer: Courtney Johnson ​​​ & Dom Baza

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Marvel Collection, Pants - Uniqlo, Shoes - Fila, Fanny - Urban Outfitters

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Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title

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​Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 15