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"Grow As We Go"
Being by myself majority of this time in New York has given me time to think about every aspect of my life. You know, I originally was coming here for all the wrong reasons. I wasn't coming for myself, I was honestly coming for love. My private life is something I hold near and dear to my heart. I don't like to talk about it a lot. Even though this is my diary, I try not to give too much of that part of my life away. Sometimes I want to keep some things for myself. I think everyone understands that reasoning. But I would be lying if I said it wasn't bittersweet walking around and seeing literally every other person be in love in this beautiful dynamic city. You were supposed to be here right now. This wasn't supposed to be a 1 week trip. I was just supposed to move here and pray I hit the ground running. It worked out for the best though, because I needed to know what I might be walking into. In a way, me coming here is my way of putting my foot down. It is for me to get to know this place and show that I am serious about moving here for a longer period of time. It is to show you as well, that my dreams matter too. I wanted to make sure that I can do some good here on my own, so that it can benefit us both. I feel like I can add my own flare to this city. But us together, that could be even more magical. Relationships are hard. Single life is something that you should cherish. Because once you start caring for someone else, it becomes harder for you to let go. The reason that is, is because that person is now your other half. You complete each other. Ben Platt released a song a few weeks ago called "Grow As We Go". I haven't been hit so hard by deep lyrics in a long time. It reminded me of us. You push away, you know. You push things off like a big move and I think deep down inside you knew you weren't ready, just yet. I mean, it is good to have more time to prep for that, but when you are in a relationship, you want to be there for your other half. What i'm trying to say is, if you need to change, you don't have to run. You can change right here with me and I won't judge. I'll stand by you and we can evolve together. If you have to find yourself, we can find ourselves together. I would love it if you came and we stayed for a bit. I think I can do some good here, but with you by my side, I think it can be even more special. I walk around this Brooklyn home and look out my window and I can see a life that we can start here and take wherever we decide to grow next. I need you to start believing in me, because coming here hasn't made me loose hope. In fact, I think it restored hope. I can change on my own, but I would rather evolve with you, if you let me. New York seems to be the place for new beginnings. I think everyone knows i've been looking for a 2nd chance to do it all right. I want you to be apart of that. The music and lyrics that flow through my heart, along with the words that I write in this diary, it is tugged by your heart that is connected to mine. I know people judge me for holding on to this. I let them, because they are not in my shoes. They don't understand how I feel and that is okay. Just come. Do whatever it takes to get here and let's see what can be. Even if it is for a little bit. We never know until we try. I want to grow for a little bit here. I'm starting to see that I can. I want to see where this story can go. I want to see how I can grow on my own and grow with you alongside me. I know I have to re find myself here, so will you, but it's better to find yourself when you have someone next to you. It may not be the same kind of growth, but at least you'll grow together. We can even our highs and lows. Neither of us will be alone. We can learn together and have the company of each other. I believe we can grow on our own, and we should, but we can grow up together. All we have to do is try. So i'm here right now and i'm writing about you looking out at the Brooklyn sky. I'm here, I came here for me, but I didn't forget you.. The idea of an us in New York will always be in my mind. If it is in yours as well, then i'll be here and we can try growing together.
Photographer: Dashia Robinson
What i'm wearing: Jacket - Forever 21, Shirt - Good Fellow, Jeans - H&M, Shoes - Apt 9
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - Chapter 12
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)