Fear

START OF CHAPTER 12

Dear readers,
I'm currently sitting on the airplane, yes we are in flight. Dash is next to me blasting K-Pop in her ears and we are on our 5 hour flight to JFK airport in New York City. Let me tell you, I thought I would be having a mini anxiety attack right now, but as we were headed up to the skies, I was so happy grinning ear to ear. I felt emotional and uplifted as I was literally getting uplifted. Looking over the bay area and seeing the city that I have gotten to know inside and out, it has really touched me and made me so grateful for my time here. I am also so grateful to be up in the air and have my eye intact. It is so weird flying with this tube in my eye. I felt the impact a little, but i'm medicated so it helps a lot.. My morning started early. I woke up at 2am. I guess nerves really kicked in and excitement as well. I got to speak to my best bro Dan. I'm happy I did because I got to speak to my trilogy of best friends today. Courtney, Dan and of course Dash is with me on this flight. I didn't tell Dan, but after he hung up, I got kinda emotional. He said something that I won't repeat, but it really touched me. It got me feeling at peace and ready to just give into the unknown that is New York. I then got in a little workout and warmed up my vocals. I'm performing twice this week. 2 open mics in New York and the Upper East Side. I'm nervous af, but my nerves always break once I get into it. We left for bart around 11am and got here in time for our flight. I know it is only a week, but I found it really difficult to say goodbye to my parents. You know, we have gone through a lot over these last 5 years. It has been a lot. I came back 5 and a half years ago for work. I was only supposed to be here for 3 months, which turned to 6, which turned to 5 years. My parents and I have already done the whole "drop your kids off and have an empty nest". That's been done, so to come back and live under their roof again, that was weird for us. Of course we got used to it, especially after I got sick, but to leave them feels so weird. We are all ready though, for me to get back out there, somehow, someway. Some things never change. I cried when they left me in my apartment that October 2012 night. I cried today as well. It hits me harder now, because we have been through so much more than what I went through with the harassment and insane bullying before I lived full time in LA. I leave here knowing that when I come back, I have to work towards another goodbye and this in a way has prepped me for that. I always dreamt of this, dreamt of leaving again. At one point I thought it wasn't possible. Now here I am, I'm in an airplane about to go face one of my biggest fears. That fear being completely out of my comfort zone. I have never been to New York, yet alone the East Coast. It is exciting and scary as hell. But I think about the time before I got sick. I was getting comfortable with the life I was living. I was getting comfortable with ideas, rather than actions. Getting Glaucoma was like god's way of pushing me over the edge, so I can seek discomfort. Now that I am in a stable place, I can see myself getting comfortable, that is not what I want. I need to fall, I need to fall so I can fly. I need to get lost so I can find myself all over again. Not knowing what is next, is okay. It is okay because it gives me something new to learn each time. Being sick had me running from my problems and my fears. Now i'm running directly towards them, hell, I'm fucking flying right now (not high, literally flying in the air, on a plane, lol). Anyways, we land in 3 hours. I'm going to rest a little because our flight lands at 12am their time. That is 9pm our Cali time, but I kinda need to get used to this East Coast time zone, if I want to live here and what not. I'm so nervous you guys. I'm excited too, but I don't know what is next. At least we are going to find out together. I'll let you know how my first day goes. Talk to you then.
Goodnight from Jet Blue's flight 616.

​Love, Dom 

Photographer: Dashia Robinson & Dom Baza

What i'm wearing: Shirt - H&M, Shirt - Adam Levine Collection, Jeans -H&M, Shoes - New Balance, Hat - Ronin,  Luggage - Delsey 

PRESS PLAY
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title

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​Stories From My Life - Chapter 12