This page is made in collaboration with Big Moods. As you all know, I don't hide my feelings and let what i'm feeling be heard and known. I'm thrilled to team up with Big Moods to share their mental health awareness collection. Beyond these buttons, they have more great selections for many other big moods you may be feeling. Use my code "Baza20" to get 20% off your order on their website.
"Come As You Are"
This year, I feel like one of the main aspects of everything i've written in my diary is about self care, well being, and mental health. When I set out to write this final chapter, i knew my mind needed to be worked on as I go on this journey. It is important to talk about my struggles, and why it is important to work with your struggles to ease your mind. Over the past year, I've gone through 3 vast transformations. From taking off the glasses and taking on New York. To a really dark path over the summer. To figuring out how to place the pieces of the puzzle together, post my accident. Combining everything to make a new version of myself, has been very interesting. I'll tell you this, my mind and my body is not whole or complete. The after affects of what happened to me, is really catching up to me. I'm feeling every inch of pain and suffering from it. This last week has been rough. I feel like it has been the hardest week out of the 3 weeks since getting hit. New parts of my body are hurting, and new parts of my mind are feeling the stress of it all. I can't hide that, and I can't be mad at myself for this. What has happened to me is not my fault. I have to own up to that fact, and just let myself be taken care of for once. I spent a lot of time over the last few years, really setting my mind aside, to take care of my illness. That was a team effort between me and my doctors. Now I have to have that same team effort, this time, for my body and my mind. When you go through something like what I have gone through, it really changes everything. You'll never be the same. At first I said, I feel like apart of myself had returned. I still feel that way, but I also feel like I lost apart of myself within that split second. That part of myself that I lost, I have to rediscover and refigure. It will never fully come back, but pieces of it will live on within who I become. It is okay to change your mind, what your'e feeling in the moment, post something traumatic, no one can tell you how to feel. You have to feel what you need to feel. Right now i'm looking at the world, as place where I was almost taken out of. I am having to figure out how to live post many different obstacles, I have already faced. It is me against the world, trying to see how do I present myself to everyone, after all that has happened. What is the best advice I can give myself?... Be who I am in this moment. Every inch of pain and suffering, show it. Wear it out as apart of myself, because it is apart of me. I have no shame in that. I have no shame because I know I will get better. I know that all the help I am receiving/ will receive will make every bit of this rollercoaster ride, worth it. Life is hard, I know that all too well. But something I needed to be reminded, was that, in order to say you lived, you need to feel it all. No ones life is perfect. You have to feel that pain, you have to suffer, you have to jump, you have to fall, you have to win, you have to loose. When I reentered the world last year, I said that I wanted to live. Sure, I felt the pain from my illness, but I needed to feel everything else that can come with life. In order for me to say that I lived, I have to live through every little thing life could give, and that includes what I just went through/ what I am going through. In this moment, that's how I have to present myself. It may not be what I was expecting, but in order for me to come out on top, I have to come as I am. And who that person is right now... that person is broken, but that person is healing. I will heal, I am healing. As rough as it may seem, beauty always finds a way to shine through the hardest times, and that's exactly what will happen, growing as I go.
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Pacsun, Jeans - Forever 21, Shoes - Vans
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title
Stories From My Life - CHAPTER 16: THE FINAL CHAPTER
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Stories From My Life
(APRIL 17- PRESENT)