Dear readers,

The party is over. It's time for saying goodbye. I can't believe I'm sitting here on my one-way flight to New York. It feels surreal to be here in this moment. Let's back it up though, let's talk about today. I woke up this morning and it felt so weird saying to myself, this is the last morning I will wake up in California, as a citizen of this state... for now at least. Before I left, I wanted to make sure I went back to the childhood church I grew up in. Over the last few weeks, I've been going back to places that mean a lot to me. This was the last place on my list. At the end of the day, my relationship with everyone above me, is somehow my strongest, just because I talk to everyone up there all the time. I needed to do this for me, I needed their blessing before I begin to walk on this new pathway. After I finished the mass, I went out to lunch with Braeden. I'm glad I got to spend a few hours with him before he sent me on my way to the airport tonight. I love my godbrother, and as I've already said, I'm so grateful for the bond that we have, and I'm so thankful we got to spend the last few weeks together, making memories, and bonding, like true brothers. I couldn't leave California without seeing my sister Courtney, one more time. She wasn't able to spend much time with me because of work, but I'm glad we got to take one more Target trip (it's gonna be so weird shopping without her, lol)... and on the way home, before we parted ways, we stopped by one of my favorite locations, Russian Hill. Xav and I went there last year. Ever since then it has become one of my favorite spots in the whole city. I love going there to reflect on life and just take in the beauty of our large, but small city. Taking in this last glimpse of SF, with my sister by my side, will always be a memory I cherish. I took on SF with her, we took over all of it together. I'm so amazed at everything we were able to do. She is my home, and she made this city my home. I can't believe I'm saying goodbye to it, but it just makes what will come down the line, when I eventually return, even more special. Courtney and I have been crying a lot, knowing that this story is coming to an end. As I gave her one more hug, I'm glad we didn't cry. We just smiled and said, "see you, Friday". Which she will see me... tomorrow on FaceTime. Just because I'm leaving, doesn't mean our bond breaks or changes, it just grows and when we reunite down the line, it will be stronger than ever. When I got home my cousin Joey came by with Grandma, to say goodbye for now. I don't know when I will see her next, but it was nice to see them before I leave. My cousin used to drive me around and take all my photos for me. It's amazing to see how far we have come and how fast time has flown. I wouldn't believe you if you told me 2 years ago, I'd be moving across the country, all by myself. How insane is that! It's important to have these last few moments with my family, because next time I see them, I will have evolved into someone else. My Auntie Mom couldn't make it to the airport, because my flight left at 10:30 pm. So she stopped by to see me before we left for the airport. Like I've said, she is my grandma reincarnated. So much of my grandma is within her. It's so hard saying goodbye to her. I know time is limited with my elders, and having to say goodbye to her is hard on me. I only pray God keeps her safe, so I can continue seeing her whenever I return to California. That's my Auntie Mom, and I'm so thankful for all she has done for our family. I'll always be thankful. As Auntie Mom was leaving, mama Nell barged in the house. She made it on time to see me off. Oh, Mama Nell. She brought these large craft supplies to make me a "going away leigh". Oh, how I'll miss randomly seeing her pop up in the house. Tonight was the last time I'll get to see that for a while, but it was good to have that much-needed laugh. As my brothers began to show up, it became clear that my time was winding down in California. Before Braeden came back to the house, Jamie and I spent a few mins together. Oh, my brother, you always saw me as the best friend who was made for so much more than what he was given, now here I am, going to put that theory to work. Since middle school, you've always held my hand, now I have to let go. God, I didn't want to let go. But I know you'll still be holding my hand and guiding me from afar. You're always with me, and like Braeden, I'm so glad we got to spend the last few weeks together. I'll always cherish that. As my luggage made it into the cars, I said goodbye to my childhood home, which I've always known. I walked around into each room and replayed every beautiful memory in my head. From the moments within the last 8 years with my baby boys to the Christmas lights that I put up every year throughout the house to the times when I was kid with my sister doing homework in the hallway in my mom and dad's room to every song I wrote within that blue bedroom, to every song I sang with mom throughout the house, to every talk I'd have with dad on his couch, to the first time I couldn't see and broke down, as I had to be guided down the stairs, to that morning when I got hit by the car and the feeling of somberness as I arrived back at the house, all the way to the very last party we had, aka my bon voyage. This is the last time that I will leave this house as Dom Baza. Some of you are probably thinking, what the hell does he mean? Well, it's true, it is the last time I will leave the house as Dom Baza. Next time I return I will be Roydom Lucian. Full name, Roydom Lucian Baza. Yes, I am changing my name. All of it. My legal name, my business name, and my stage name. My dad’s name is Roy. When I was born, my name was originally supposed to be Roy. My parents never made up their minds, so the wrong name got put on my birth certificate. I’ve been stuck with that legal name that I HATE. Now that I’ve made this life jump to New York and completed my California story, I felt it was time to do the same with my name. This year I will legally change my name for my 25th birthday. I chose Roydom Lucian because 1. To honor my dad and the name we were supposed to share. I got my voice from my mom and want my dad’s name as a physical part of me. I have my voice to honor my mom, and my name to honor my dad. 2. To honor Dom Baza and all I’ve gotten to do with that name as a brand and as a person. I couldn’t let Dom go. I can say goodbye to him, but parts of him is and always will be apart of me. 3. Lucian is the male name for Lucy. Saint Lucy is the saint for eyesight. With my disease, Glaucoma, I wanted something to honor that. I’ve been praying to Saint Lucy since I got sick, and now I will have her physically apart of my name. I want to be the person I am meant to be, and that person is Roydom Lucian. I have a fresh start and I’m starting this next story out as who I am meant to be. I’ve kept this quiet for about a year now. I knew I would make this switch, back in 2018. My parents were the only ones aware that I was making this change. Not even my loved ones were aware of this. If I’m gonna become myself, then I need to be who I am, wholeheartedly. I love this name, and it just feels like the right time to be who I was always supposed to be. I’m so grateful to get this fresh start as my new self, in my new home, on my new journey. I'll always have what I've done as Dom Baza, apart of me, but now is the right time to step into a new life, as the person I always saw myself as. That's why I've been so emotional lately. I already knew that these last few weeks would be my last few weeks as Dom Baza. Moving forward everyone can call me Roydom Lucian, or Roy, or Dom, I'll allow Roy or Dom, because they are both apart of this new me, that I will grow into. As I headed to the car, I said goodbye to Uncle Robert. I hope he's good for mom and dad. Now it's just the 3 of them, but hey, I'll be back eventually. As annoying as he may be (brother annoying, we are like brothers, lol), I will miss him, so much. I took one more glimpse of the Christmas decorations and lights that I put up. I just wanted to see them sparkle one more time, because I know my legacy as Dom Baza will always be alive within the home I grew up in. Well, that's it for my childhood home. I blew one last kiss and went on my way to the airport. I rode with Braeden and Jamie since there was no room in Mom and dad's car. We had a musical theater sing a ton, and let me tell you, it was so good to sing some final songs with my brothers. I guess that was my true Dom Baza encore, lol. By the time we got to the airport, we waited in line to check in all my luggage. There was a man there asking what all this luggage was for. My mom told him, my son is moving to Brooklyn, New York. He told us how Brooklyn will treat me well, and how Brooklyn is the perfect place, for artists like me. I couldn't agree more. He then looked at me and said, you're gonna do so good over there, I can see it in you. He asked for my name, and I turned around and said, Roydom Lucian. That was the first time I ever used that name in public, he turns to me and says, good luck, Mr. Lucian. At that moment the lines were crossed as I planted the seeds to grow into who I'm supposed to be. Braeden, Jamie, Mama Nell, Mom, and Dad all took me upstairs to the waiting area. We waited for a little, and then it was time for us to part. My mom told me, I don't want to see you cry, you better smile when you board that train to the plane. Go and do this. You can do this. You were always born to do this. When you leave here, you're not Dom Baza anymore, you're Roydom Lucian. Be Roydom Lucian. So as I gave my brothers, mama Nell, and my parents, one last long hug, I boarded that train with a smile on my face. I took a deep breath, and during the 15th second, I breathed out a sigh, knowing that my new journey was about to begin. After airport security, I boarded my flight. Now here we are in the air, flying somewhere over Nevada. I did it, I left California. I left all that I've ever known. What's next, well, we'll just have to find out. As I look out the window, I'm so grateful for all that I've gotten to do in California. I lived 24 years of my life there. Our story is complete for now, but I know it will come around again and again because it will always be apart of me. Anyways, I'll probably end up there down the line again, I'll always be a California boy.

4/4/2017
Dear readers,
I feel like this is the non filtered version of what I just released out into the public. My first diary entry just went live. How daunting is that? Like people are going to read my thoughts out loud. Who's crazy idea was this?... oh yeah, me. Anyways, this is some weird shit. Life has been rough. I'm fucking blonde, I look like crap, oh and my parents almost flew off a cliff last week. I didn't directly say their name in the public version of this entry, only out of respect for them. I hope as I grow and as the pages in this diary fills up, I hope that i'll be able to be more non filtered. Right now i'm just being shy and coy about things, but I hope that i'm able to start getting more in detail about everything moving forward. I had the flu last week, maybe it will help me look less bloated. I do not like the way I look at all. I feel so off balanced. Pietro said I look horrible with the blonde hair, it's nice to have your support babe.... He's right though. It literally wasn't my fault though. My hair dresser wasn't able to get my hair to the color that we wanted, now it's kinda just stuck there. I'm so thrilled. NOT. That's the least of my concern though. Waking up to a phone call from your mom while she's on the side of a cliff with your dad. That is just a nightmare. I really wish I addressed this in public, but this is something better kept between our family for now. My parents probably have some sort of PTSD now. It's been rough since they returned. I don't really know what else to say. It's been really hard for all of us. You know, we have all this stuff going on with my eye and to add this on top of all that, it sucks. I feel like the world is against me, and I ain't even out there living some sort of life. I'm not free from everything. I'm still struggling with my eye, my weight, accepting myself, and self love. I hope that as I grow into who I want to be, that i'll be able to conquer this all. I'm only 21. But i've gone through a lot over the last few years. Too much for me that my heart genuinely hurts. I'm over here writing to the public about being hopeful through the darkness of it all, which is great and all, but I feel like I need to be more brave in the words I put out there. If ever want to get back out in the world, once there is a pathway for me, then I need to take all the bad things that have happened, and turn them into something better. I have no one but my thoughts and myself to talk about these things that are really bugging me. Maybe I should join therapy?... lol, like I would do that. But seriously, I have a golden opportunity here to use all these bad things in my life, and turn them into some sort of template for people who are struggling. I know i'm not the only one struggling. So many more people are struggling. I hope that as I fill up this diary, it grows into something everyone can look back on. Regardless of how shitty this is starting out, it can always turn into something more. I asked myself, How's The World Treating You?... Well, the answer is still, not so well. But I gotta give myself time to figure out how to let all this bad turn into something good. Nothing can stay bad forever, it's up to us to make it better. We have to find the will power within us, to turn that nay into yay. I hope I find my will power. I know it's not going to be easy. With all that has happened and will happen, but a wise verse in a song once said, "if something good can come from bad, then the past can rest in peace." So, i'm gonna make something good come from bad. I just hope people accept that, and follow me along for the ride. I'm gonna get back out into the world one day. It may be turning against me right now, but I know one day I will say, I made it back out into the world, a world that is giving me a chance, a chance I am giving myself. 
​Love, Dom 

Photographer: Joey Marie 

What I'm Wearing:  Shirt: Apt 9, Sweater: Calvin Klein, Pants: Calvin Klein, Shoes: Apt 9

PRESS PLAY
Every other post I will include a song or playlist that's inspiring me and guiding me on my journey. Here's this week's. Hope you press play.

Press play to walk down memory lane

After briefly catching up with Kaitlyn, it was time to entertain my guests. I don't think they knew they would be treated to music and speeches, but i'm so damn extra, and like I said, I have a lot to say. My sister Courtney was the first one up to sing some songs for my guests. I'm so proud of her, going up there and singing songs. She doesn't do that often, i'm glad she let loose and did her thing. When Courtney wrapped up, it was time for her, Jamie, Dash and Braeden to speak. Aka time for me to cry an endless river. Walking down memory lane, from their perspective, was everything for me. When I saw Jamie cry, it really hit me. Look how far we have come. He saw me cry when my world was breaking. He took my hand, put it on his shoulder, and helped me to walk forward. When he spoke, it brought me right back to that moment. Damn, it really made me see how far we have come. Braeden brought it back to when were just children and represented my childhood. That is so important for me to have sprinkled in my life now. So much of that influenced certain things that I do now as an adult. The girls. Dash. Like I already said, this year was so shitty for both of us. It just made me so emotional, knowing that i'm gonna be across the country, and no longer living close/living with her. It really hit me when she was speaking. It just felt like one completed circle. 17 years with her by my side, that's my sister. To hear her talk about those last 17 years, it would get anyone feeling the feels. Last up was my Courtney. My baby sister broke me into pieces. With her, it's different. Our relationship is such a huge part of our life. We are so closely connected. To have her up there crying for me, oh god, it really broke me. So much of the last 2 years revolved around us. Now we are going to be apart, and honestly that is going to be a huge test for us. I have a gut feeling she is gonna end up near me, in the near future. We are kind a package deal, a good one of course. Separating ourselves, is really hard for me. I really do feel like i'm leaving a huge apart of myself here, within her. Within the 4 of them, I leave behind different parts of myself, and it's really hard for me to remove myself from their storyline, and to remove them from mine. I have to accept that this story is done. It's been a mixed bag of emotions, but this story really is almost finished. I have to let every part go, so we can grow on our own for a little bit. I just know they will pop up again when the time is right. They leave apart of themselves within me, and that's what I take away after crying a river through their speeches. ​

Now it was my turn to speak. My turn to sing. My turn to say what I needed to say. Everyone that I love, loved, and lost in one room. Yes, I know the ones above were in the room with me. I could feel them. I could feel their presence, I always do. My music of course does most of the talking. I have written so much for my next album. Sometimes, it's too much, but It is my story. Everything that I have gone through within the last 5 years is documented in my lyrics. Everyone just sat and listened to what I had to say. I'm glad I was able to make it through the set, with my emotional self just crying for majority of the songs. Listen, my next album is an album that you need to find yourself crying to. It's been rough, and that is all showcased in my songs. As my set began to wrap up, I sang a song that I always wanted to sing with my mom. "Teach Your Children" is and has always been on my bucket list of songs that I want to cover. I'm so glad my mom agreed to sing it with me. I changed the arrangement at the last min, so that way we could feel the lyrics more. I wanted to make sure I said, "mom and dad, i love you", at the end. I did that because this song has such a deep meaning, and describes our family dynamic, so well. Every time I hear it, I think of my parents. To be able to sing it with my mom and have my dad right at the front watching, that really hit me hard. It was the perfect lead in, to my final song, a new song I wrote after I got hit by the car. "Memories That Will Stick With Me For Life", is a song I wrote a few days after getting hit by the car. This song poured out of me, within it was my life story. Not just the last 5 years, but all 24 years. Everyone that I love, loved, and lost is alive and well within my lyrics. That song is my gift to my family. I won't go into detail, because obviously I want the world to hear it one day. It's a really hard song to sing through, it hits you right in the feels. I never not cry when I sing it. Seeing everyone around me cry, made me feel like I did my job, and did it right. When I finished the song, I said my last round of thank you's. I cried a lot more, and took it all in, as this was my last time  performing as Dom Baza. ​

Everyone came up to greet me and hold me tight, as we each cried. I shared a moment with everyone in that room. It's was surreal for me, because this is now the last moment that i'll see most of them. As my family all came up, greeted, took photos and hugged me tight, it was my sister who made me feel okay to let go of it all. My older sister Tani, is not one person that I talk a lot about. But she is very important to who I am, and why i'm the way I am. You know, she took care of me growing up. She was a big help to my parents when I was a kid. She drove me around, introduced me to shopping, and literally every cool thing from the 90's. Hence, why I love the 90's. My sister introduced me to all of that. She introduced me to the idea of the world, via the movies she would take me to, the shows she'd make me watch and the music she sang along to in her car. All of that really shaped me into me. Now as an adult, her kids have done the same thing for me. My sister and I, our memories live on within those boys. It really shows and i'm so glad I got to make our relationship come full circle, with the kids. When she came up to me in the hustle of it all, she told me it was okay. We're all gonna be okay, it's time. God man, that right there, in that moment, I knew she was right. I'm done, there's nothing else I can do here. It's time. I didn't need to hear that, but it was nice to have that reassurance. I worry a lot about my family. I worry about their safety and well being. I just want everyone happy and healthy. It's been a really hard decade for us. Yet here we are celebrating, the good and the bad of it all. Because like she said, we're all gonna be alright, we're gonna be okay. In my heart and soul, i know we will be. I wouldn't be taking this jump if I didn't believe that. ​

I will always be so grateful for every good and bad moment. Tonight was a night of goodbyes and it was a celebration honoring all that I have become as Dom Baza. Tonight I got a lot of the closure that I needed, in order for me to fully move forward as who I want to be, and who that person will become. As the party went on, one by one everyone started leaving. Dash left first because she is headed back east. I'm so glad we aren't going to be parted for long, and that i'll see her in my brand new story, very soon. After Dash left, everyone else left.  The night ended with me and Courtney going down memory lane, crying about the memories (good and bad), that will stick with us for life. It was quiet, just us two looking back at what has been created. It's been a long day. It's now 3am. I've been looking over these pics, thinking about everyone and everything. They all wrote me messages within my diary. I don't want to read them until i'm in the plane, so I won't comment on them yet. What I will say is, today was special. I'm so thankful, grateful, and beyond blessed to have been blessed by everyone who showed up to send me on my way. Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, I'll be missing you. I truly will. Thank you to everyone who made today possible. I'm ready now, i'm ready to fully let go. It's time. It's time for saying goodbye. 

Dear readers,
Parenthood. There comes a time in your life when your child leaves the nest. In this case, there comes a time when your child leaves the nest again... but the person he is leaving as, is someone completely different. 5 years ago I came home to work on an album. I ended up getting sick, diagnosed with a disease, and getting stuck at the home where I had just moved away from a year and a half earlier. Never in my life did I think this would all happen to me. My mom and dad had already dropped me off, we did the goodbyes, we did the move. That was that, then it all went to hell when my whole world was taken from me. When my world shattered, my parents world was screwed over too. They now had a son who was going blind, getting surgery after surgery, and put into daily intense treatment. My parents had to watch it all unfold. No one but us, knows how hard that time in our life was for us. It was devastating. Now all those years have passed and here we are now. I'm leaving the nest and this time, the whole state that I grew up in. I'm now leaving it all behind with the horrific experiences I just lived through. From Glaucoma to getting hit by the car. I'm leaving with those experiences now apart of me. This time I am an adult with many complex layers. Last time I wasn't even legal. It feels different this time, this time feels more real, more earned, and more right. Not that I didn't feel good moving the last time, this time just feels more like the right time for me. I couldn't have gotten to this point in my life without my parents. It took awhile, but my longer than 6 month stay at their home is finally coming to an end, 5 years later....

Mom and Dad. We are finally here. It's time for me to leave you now. I'm sorry that I stayed longer than the original 6 months I was supposed to stay. In a way, it worked out for the best that I got stuck here with you. I was out of your house and into the world. If i'm being honest, I wasn't that ready to be out in the world. I was young, but I was scared. After going through what I just went through, nothing is scarier than almost dying and all the hell with my eye. Now, i'm more than ready to take all that i've gone through and turn it into something more. You both have done so much for me. My hope for you is that I go out into the world and take our story and make sure everyone knows how I rose back up with the strength you gave me. I think about all that we've been through. How dad would hold my hand, when the needle pushed on through. Mom, all the tears that you would cry, as you watched me loose my sight, how I would have done anything to take us back to happier times. It has been so hard for us. Now we are gonna put that to rest. We know the work that has been done to my eye is temporary. I thank you for supporting and encouraging me to go out into the world and experience it while I can. I don't want to regret not living a life and living up to my full potential.  3 months ago I almost died. God left me here for a reason. That reason is for me to share the voice you both encourage me to speak up and use. I was so scared when I got sick and then when I got hit by the car. I was honestly more scared for you, because I couldn't stand the idea of you both not being able to live a life too, because of your sick child. Now we can all go live our lives. Thank you mom and dad for helping me to see when I couldn’t, helping me to walk again, and learning to accept what has happened to me, and make it into something better, something more. I will miss you both so much, and no matter who or what I become, I will always do my best to make you proud. I will do right by both of you. One day, I can and will give you the world.  I know I will.

Dear readers,
Here we are at the very end of this story. Just a few more pages and i'll say farewell to this complex, fragile, and beautiful story, i've been sharing with you for the last 3 years. The time is ticking and I know I have to let go of this part of my life. However, I won't release my hands from the rope, without celebrating several times. Family. Some are blood, but most of the time, you make family on your own. Who you love and who you choose to love, becomes so important to your heart and soul. My siblings. Braeden and I are actual blood, I share no blood with the rest, but that doesn't make them any less of my siblings. They are my brothers and sisters. Through and through, they are my family. I'm so lucky that i've gotten to grow up with Courtney, Dash, and Jamie. Of course my brother, Braeden and I literally have grown up together. I mean I was there when he was born, lol. Danny and Steven came along the way and impacted me the same way as my other siblings have. Also s/o to my other brothers, who aren't included in this because they are not in California, and our stories is nowhere near over... ahem, Dan, Jesus, Xav, Sammy, Pete.... and the rest of you that i'm really close to.  I love you boys, and can't wait to continue expanding brotherhood with you all. This entry is to honor to my California siblings, my best friends, and the core family that I tell everything to.... and i mean EVERYTHING

Last night we all went out to celebrate the ending of an era here in SF. It was my "farewell, SF" dinner. How crazy is that!?. Jamie and I have been wanting to go to this very special pizza place called, Mozzeria. The whole staff is deaf, and it's such a unique and special place to visit. It's also one of SF's top pizza joints. They had vegan options! I was already on board for the whole dinner. At this dinner, it wasn't just to celebrate me. It was to celebrate the bonds i've made with my siblings over the last 24 years. As I sat and waited for my vegan pizza, I thought about each and every one of them and the memories that will stick with me for life. So, i'm gonna call them out one by one. The boys, got their own entires over the last chapter. So theirs, will be more brief. My sisters, however, did not. Either way, I have a lot to say about everyone. When do I not?... lol

Braeden & Jamie.

My brothers. I'm so lucky that I get to call you both my family. I can never not say that. You both see me on different spectrums. For Braeden, i'm the older one setting the example. For Jamie, he sees me as the brother who has always been made for so much more than where he was placed. I just want to point out - Both of you jumped when the bad things happened to me, stayed by my side as I got hit hard with Glaucoma, took care of me in different ways, defended and stood by my side, through every hard time, showed up within the 24 hours that I got hit by the car and almost died. That says a lot about both of you. You never left me, when most would. We have our inside jokes about people and things that we don't care for.  We have so many special memories, from rooftop nights to star wars premieres, and every little quiet moment in between. We have so much love that goes beyond most relationships within a family. Growing up I always wanted brothers. Brothers look out for each other and they have bonds stronger than most friends do. Dover gave me Jamie. Since we first met in the locker room, it was evident that he would be apart of my life, long after PE was over. God did good when he gave my nina, Braeden. I ended up with a first cousin, a god brother, and as we got older, a best friend, and just straight up my brother. I tell both of you, everything. Sometimes you just listen, sometimes you speak, but all of the time, you already know I find a way to get the answers myself. Still, you listen, and you're there. You've always been there, and I know you always will be. My greatest hope is that I make you proud. One of my biggest fears is that you see less in me, because you've always seen the most in me. Disappointing you, would mean disappointing myself. I won't let that happen. Thank you both for physically guiding me to the finish line of this story, and picking me up and reminding me that i'm a human, still learning to live. But most of all, thank you for accepting me as I am, and as your brother. I can't wait for our more evolved versions of ourselves to make more special memories, beyond anything we could imagine. I love you always, my brothers. 

Steven & Danny.

One I consider a mentor, the other, i guess I'm kinda the mentor, lol. How lucky am I that both of you came into the fold of my story. Everyone knows I've always loved Steven since the moment we hit it off for our HEAL program interview. From that moment on, I knew I wanted that dude as a little brother. I said it a few pages back, but our bond that we've created is something that I cherish with all my heart. It may not seem like it, but I've learned a lot about life from him. He took me for a walk around downtown Oakland last year, and I got to see a whole other side of life on that short walk we went on. It really impacted me and helped plant the seeds for me to want a more diverse  kinda life, in my own little corner of the world. Just on the other side of town, Danny, came into my life. I remember when I first met Danny. We went for dinner and our bond was clearly so natural. I told him my life story within the span of 3 hours. Not once did he judge me. Since then, we've shared many toasts and tea along the way. Danny showed me that what I bring to the table is enough, and if no one understands that, then they don't need to be apart of my life. I vent a lot to both of them. I'm bad at texting both of them. But, they never complain. They know that i've been swamped lately. Just because we don't talk every day, does not mean i'm not grateful for every moment made together. I didn't have a relationship with either of them prior to writing once upon a time, way back in chapter 1. I'm so thankful and beyond grateful that they both came in my life as my story progressed. Now as I leave SF, I leave with 2 more brothers for life. Thank you both for showing me parts of the city that i've never seen and within those parts, you both helped me discover so much more, that I never knew I had inside of me. I love you both, and like I said, this is not the end for us. You both mean everything to me. 

Courtney. 

​My little sister. When it comes to you, I had a hard time thinking about what I wanted to say. I've been asking you, are you gonna be okay without me when I move? I should really be asking myself, am I going to be okay without you when I move. You're my right hand. You’ve been my little sister since we were kids. Then you left for a little, then you came back, and as adults, we really have become closer than most blood siblings. You and I have taken over SF within the last year and a half of this story. Through everything, we've created so many memories, and an even tighter bond. We talk every single day, about every single thing. A lot of people don't have those kinda relationships, and I don't take ours for granted. Now that i'm moving, it's gonna be so weird not breathing the same air as you. I would love to have you near me for every second, but thanks for pushing me over the line to a whole new life. That you will still very much be apart of, no matter where I go on my own. We are apart of each other, and distance will never change that. I can't wait to see what you do with life while i'm on a new journey. I’m sure i'll get live text updates and long ass phone calls, as we still do, even though we have been in the same city, lol. I just want so much happiness for you, I want you to have the whole damn world. I know you will get that.  I want for someone to be your equal. You don't need a man to take care of you, you're a strong independent woman. With your beautiful soul, the guys just line up, and I hope when the right one comes along, he's worthy of my baby sister. Unlike the frogs that came before him. If anyone ever tries to hurt you, i'll be on that first flight back to kick some beelard ass. I'll always protect you and be here for you. From advice to everything else in between, you got your bro on speed dial. I’m so lucky to be the kermit to your fozzy bear. That's never gonna change. Thank you for everything, thank you will never be enough. But it is where I can start for now. Remember, if it ever becomes too much, your home in Brooklyn, will always have the door unlocked for you. I love you, miss thang. Forever and always, your big brother, Kermie.

For now, I think I got most of what I wanted to say, off my chest, and outta my mind. The last 5 years and specifically the last 3 years, would not have been possible without everyone that has been by my side. I would not have made it out alive without my siblings. I would not be crossing the line and taking this big leap, if it wasn't for them, helping me to jump into the deep end. As we ended our night at the Bay Bridge lights. I'm reminded of how far i've come from the boy who would constantly come out to the docks and cry, because he was miserable. I stand here with my brothers and sisters, the happiest and the most at peace, i've ever been, during my entire duration in SF. I'm so grateful for every memory that we have gotten to make. These are the memories that will stick with me for life. No matter where I go, and what life I live, it's not living if it's not without them. They will be apart of my life, for life. There is no denying that. 

​Love, Dom 

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Denim and Supply, Jeans - Forever 21

PRESS PLAY
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title

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"The Sound"

​Dear readers, 
Oh my god. I'm moving to New York in 12 days. Is this really happening? I can feel every bone in my body tell me that it's time to take this jump. I don't know how i'm going to wrap this around my head. But, this is happening. This is happening so fast and it is so surreal to be living in this moment. It is basically my last full week here in California. This week is really my week of goodbyes. My bon voyage party is this weekend,I have my farewell SF dinner tomorrow, and i'm gonna be spending quality time with my boys and my parents. I want to make the most out of this week. Next week i'm only in California for 3 full days, and those days will be used to getting the last of my things ready to go on this new journey. I've been trying to make some connections from afar, so I don't show up lonely as hell during the last half of the holiday season. Some texted back, some just ignored me. That's okay. It is what it is. I just wanted to reach out and try and have some friends. I obviously have no family in New York. So, I will make one of my own, via the good people i'll meet along the way. I'm not looking to make enemies at the beginning of a brand new story. I just want good people in my life. I know they will come, it's just going to take a second for everyone to get to know me, and for me to find my tribe. It's really daunting, that no one here is going to New York with me, but everyone keeps saying it is for the best, that I go by myself. I agree. I feel that I have to, in order for me to fully feel the change within. The deal is someone should be coming once a month to check in on me. I love that deal, cause it makes the distance feel a lot less. We'll see if that actually holds up. Dash will be coming in early January, that's confirmed already. So at least I have that going for me. It's weird. I'm in my old office and I can just hear the sound of echoes now. It's not completely empty, but empty enough that I can hear my voice shout back to me. When I moved to LA, this whole room was empty. I'm obviously leaving a lot of my things behind, so the room is not empty this time. There is something so different about this move though. It does feel more fulfilling, and more right. The last time I moved, it felt really rushed. This feels so natural, and like it was always bound to be this way. I don't think i'll really process my thoughts on how I feel about the move, until next week, when I say goodbye to California. Right now it is all a blur. A chaotic blur, but a chaotic blur filled with love. California is finally starting to get it's fall colors. Yes, I know fall is almost over, but it's nice to see that before I go. It reminds me of all the nights I really got to fall in love with SF. Most people have those nights in the summer and the spring. Not me, most of my beautiful memories were made in the fall. Minus last summer, that was a stunning summer, wasn't it?... If you're a new reader, you have no clue what i'm talking about. You should go back 50 pages or so, summer 2018 was amazing. Anyways, back to present day. You see what I mean? It's a blur. But a blur that I'm grateful for. As I sing out loudly in my office and hear the sound of my voice echo back to me, I know that in this moment, that echo is calling back to me for a reason. Because the sound that i'm about to hear when I move next week, will be the sound of my future calling to me, to fulfill my destiny. I can't wait to see what happens this week. I know it's going to be so special, regardless of how it all turns out. I'm ready to take it all in. Oh my god, you guys. This is really happening. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

​Love, Dom 

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Vintage Find, Turtle Neck - Chaps, Jeans - Forever 21

PRESS PLAY
Every post I will include the song that inspired me to build a post around it's title

This page is made in collaboration with Express. Black Friday is upon us now! From November 28th - December 1st, get 50% everything plus free shipping!  You don't want to miss out on this great deal! 

​"When We're Together"

Dear readers,
Thanksgiving. How the hell did we get here so quickly? Tbh, I feel like I made time go faster when I decided to move right before Christmas. I have my reasons, but this is technically my last holiday here in California. Will I ever come back to celebrate another holiday? I don't think so. Not next year at least. Only time will tell. I feel like all the major holiday celebrations that i've celebrated for the last 2 years, were the perfect endings. I don't want to touch them, and make those special memories, seem less than they are. This year Thanksgiving is really quiet. We are not really celebrating because my bon voyage party is the following week. So all the holidays, plus the new holiday, aka my move, will be celebrated the following week. When I was planning out my move, I did not think about how close the dates would be. So we are all just winging it. I've been so lucky to be with my family over the last few weeks. Since my move became official, I haven't gone a week without being without anyone. That's gonna be a huge change for me when I leave to New York on my own. Since we aren't doing anything, I went to the movies instead.  Frozen 2 just came out, and I was just going to go see it by myself. Mama Nell is still here and wanted to come along with me. You know how much that meant to me? I would have been fine, going by myself, but going with someone I love, makes it even better. Everyone knows how I feel about Frozen. I love Elsa. I connect so much and relate to her on such a deep level. When the first film was released, I was in the nitty gritty of my early diagnosis of Glaucoma. Watching her be unapologetic and somehow let it all go, it really meant a lot to me. It's so meta that the theme of this 2nd film is all about the lessons we learn from letting it go and who we become when we finally feel like we can show our truest self. Mama Nell doesn't go to the movies often, so it was so nice to take someone who doesn't go and watch a movie, to watch this movie. As we sat together, she watched the tears roll down my face, and we stayed together in the moment, while we laughed at every joke Oalf threw our way. This film ends with Elsa being her truest and fullest self, riding off into the unknown, but still with the full love and support from her sister, family, and kingdoms. That really hit me hard. After this week I begin the small little ride off into the unknown. Getting to watch this special movie with Mama Nell, feels my heart with so much love. Afterwards, I headed out with my sisters Courtney and Dash for Black Friday. It's a tradition I hope we can continue, even when I am living in New York. We do this every year and I wouldn't want it any other way. Being with them is the best cherry on top, I could ask for, for my last Thanksgiving as a citizen of California. Like I said, we barely celebrated Thanksgiving this year. But having the love of my family, really shine through over the last few weeks, has meant a lot to me. In a way, it kinda has been Thanksgiving every week. Even though i'm leaving before Christmas, and may not be back to celebrate the holidays next year, at least i'll always have the love I feel right now, the love I feel when we're all together. That love i'll always be thankful for, long after I venture into the unknown. 

Love, Dom 
​

"Where Are You Now"

Fairfield. Oh Fairfield. So many things to say. Do I care to? Not really. Should I? Yes. Let me be upfront and say that I hated this town. Not hate, but hated. There was a time when I just couldn't stand stepping foot here. I think all the bad that was done to me, overshadowed any of the good. At one point my mom had to really force me to put my head up high, because I honestly couldn't stand being in that town. I do visit though. I was in town when I got hit by the car. Just my luck that it was in Fairfield. At least I had family to take care of me. My parents live there, and most of my stuff is stored at my parents. Well, it used to be stored there... Now they are packed and coming with me to New York. Anyways, I hated being there. Anytime I came to town, I would literally not tell anyone because I did not feel like being seen around town. Growing up, I liked Fairfield. I never loved it, I loathed it a ton, then I hated it, now I just acknowledge the good that came from this place. The bad is not something I like to talk about, but hey, that's why ya'll are here to read my diary. So sit back and relax, while I fill the tea in your cup, LOL. In no means is this a hate entry, this is about forgiving, and how i've gotten to a place in my heart, where I can forgive all who has done me wrong. 

Fairfield was always the middle man. It was SF, Fairfield, and LA. It's no secret, I was always more fond of LA. I made that known when I was 3 years old. There was just something about the city life, that I loved more than the small town of Fairfield. As I got older, the things I wanted to do, were not normal things people my age wanted to do. I never fit in with the rest of my peers. I always stood out. I believe that whatever we have inside of us, should be showcased for the world to see. Fairfield didn't exactly agree with that. I started to see that more in my teenage years. I used to do shows around town, and the amount of hate I received was horrible. I understand I wasn't the best. This was before I took vocal lessons and really learned music and how to control the gift I was given. But still, I was 13-15 and people would throw things at me, give me dirty looks, say the rudest things, it was just so much hate. All I wanted was to feel accepted, and I never felt that here. These were people my age and adults. Fucking adults, wished harm on me. It was so bad. Honestly the people who I wanted to have support from, they never gave me the time of day. Back at Dover, my teachers were supportive of me. Then I spent 6 months in hell at this hell hole called Fairfield High School. Most of my former classmates have beautiful memories there. NOT ME. I was spit on by random strangers, had posters of myself thrown to my face, I was continuously verbally harassed and called Gay and Faggot, by my male classmates, my teachers specifically my avid, math, and band teacher, they were so unkind to me. I remember my math teacher gave me an F because I ended up with swine flu and I was hard at work with my career. He didn't agree that I was entering the music industry at that age. He literally was kind to everyone but me. He had it out for me. I felt so unwanted and so unsafe everytime I entered his class. That's not the environment any kid should have to be in. Then my band teacher. HELL FUCKING NO. So on my last day of school there, he literally told me, "you will never make it without this band".... Well dude, thanks for saying that. I really wish I spoke up and told you off that day, because i'm still standing regardless of what has been thrown my way, since leaving that hell of a campus. I was treated so bad there. It was bad enough I was already dealing with outside abuse. Schools are supposed to feel like a safe place for students. I felt so unsafe. I felt so down on myself. I only stayed at that school for 6 months. I got the fuck outta there and went into homeschool. Ya'll already know I worked my ass off in homeschool and ran away to LA, away from this town that really scarred me.  All of the bad that was done to me in Fairfield, it really made me hate it. That is why I can never see myself living here again. I can stand visiting, but I can't stand the idea of me living in a place where some of my worst nightmares came to life.  It's taken a lot in me to really weigh out the idea of forgiving everyone that has hurt me here. Thanks to therapy, I feel like I finally reached a point where I can cross that line of forgiveness.