West Coast (feat. Vegan Rob's)

This entry is made in collaboration with Vegan Rob's. Vegan Rob's is a new global snack food focused on nutrition and compassion. As a vegan, I love snacking. I love when I find a good snack that tastes good, but, is also good for you. I  love love love their puff chips. I urge you to please give them a try. Click here to find them at a store near you. 

CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #12: "West Coast"

Dear readers,
I'm a city boy through and through. But... my heart always craves for the beach. I guess that is the islander in me. I mean, I don't think I could ever live back home on Guam, but, I'll always have a part of myself that longs to be near the beach. I truly am both. Of course one of the first things I had to do when I got back to the bay area, was go to the beach. The beach is like my safe haven, away from the hustle and bustle that drives my mind places, in the city. I think that's one of the aspects that I miss most, now that I live in NYC. Somehow I feel like I have meshed the 2 coasts together. I use both coast's slang, I combine my CA style with my NY style, to create my own vibe, and of course, I use the lessons I learned in SF to my advantage in NYC. I have meshed the 2 together. Let's be real, I rubbed off some of the west coast, to my new family in NYC. When I left SF, I knew my story there was done. I also knew where to leave room for more of California. It's no secret that I chose to go to NYC first, over LA. I did that for a reason. For me to feel fulfilled, I needed to move to New York first. I would have loved to go home to LA right off the bat, but there were missing pieces that needed to be found in New York. I just didn't think I would find a good chunk of those pieces, 2 months into my new life. Now that I have them, I can technically leave New York. But, leaving would be a disservice to the growth that I have gained and continue to gain. I also don't want to rush those pieces and create art that feels half-assed. Instead, I will now bring to life the mental roadmap I created before moving to NYC, and begin to travel the outline of the yellow brick that will lead me back to LA, within a year. Within a year gives me and the pieces of my puzzle, enough time to create and be apart of something more than ourselves. I can't believe I'm saying this, but, I'm only planning on keeping New York as my home base for another 9-12 months. Time moves so fast, especially in NYC. Somehow these new elements that I have been missing, keep coming to me every single day. I know more will come along the way when I return to NYC. But, if it continues this way, I already know when I have my eventual return to the west coast, mainly LA, I'll feel like a whole person, as opposed to half of what I could be. 

I used to come out to the beach to reflect on everything. I just love the way my feet feel in the sand. There is a moment where I feel like the whole world around me stops. I always feel that when the sun shines along my face, and the mist from the ocean rubs against my skin. I really needed to come to the beach and think about the last 2 months, mentally 6 months in my mind. I have a lot on my mind. I worry a lot about my band and my career. I worry that New York won't embrace what I want to bring to life. I worry about my illness, more than I show to the public. I haven't been feeling right. My eye hasn't been feeling right. I push it off because I can't see myself going back down that dark path I once walked, and still kinda walk on. Ever since I landed, something has felt off inside of me. I'm here to see my doctor, so I'll soon find out how the inside of myself is doing. I think it's hitting me that 6 years have finally passed. I've been sick for 6 years now. I never saw myself in this position 6 years ago. I can feel the time that I borrowed, slipping away. I hate it. I think that is why I am now pushing harder for my voice and my story, to be heard. I would be lying if I said my illness isn't one of the reasons, I now have a constant desire to move my home-base from NYC to LA. I'm a dreamer, always and forever, but, I need to be logical. I can't let my illness take me down, but, I also realize now, I have to be closer to the rest of my family, in case something happens to me. That is why I am making a promise to myself that the next 9-12 months will be spent making sure I work my way back to them. But, also, taking what I've gained in NYC, and bringing it along with me. I will make sure I use my music as my guide on this journey, just as the footprints in the sand guide me to where I'm supposed to be. As I reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly from the last 2 months, I can't help but feel proud of myself. I'm out in the world, doing my best with my not so normal situation. The last time I was on this beach, I was a different person. Now, I'm here as a guy on a pathway leading to the collusion of the "right moment". In my gut, I feel it coming. Regardless of what happens to me because of my health, I feel that the right moment for the career portion of my life is coming. Being here today, away from the life I have gained, and away from the life I have known, it's so clear that its all meant to reach its final peak on the west coast. Since I can't be here 24/7 yet, I need to be the west coast, on the east coast. That way everyone in my new life, in NYC, can have that. So we can head down this road to the right moment, together. 

​Love, Roydom Lucian ​

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing - Jacket - Good Fellow, Shirt - H&M, Hat - Good Fellow, Shorts - H&M