Time Moves On

CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #35: "Time Moves On"

Dear readers,
It's amazing how time moves on. Sometimes time moves on slowly and sometimes time just flies by. It's fascinating to think that 1 year from now we'll think back to these moments and ask ourselves what we were doing 1 year ago. It is hard to take time and move on from it. However, it is doable. I always get in some sort of bittersweet sad mood around this time of year. My grandma passed away 9 years ago today. I still replay that day and that summer often. It's still so fresh in my mind. I did a tribute post on my Instagram yesterday and talked about grief and how everyone continues grieving long after they are done. The fact of that is that it is so true. It is so true that we continue to grieve in different ways as time goes on. As time goes on we evolve, and as we evolve, the way we grieve evolves. I notice that more and more each year. For the last 9 years, I always take time to reevaluate where I was in the moment This year is obviously different from Corona and quarantine. 

Adding the current state of the United States and the world, it's a real damper when you're trying your best to catch some good vibes. This morning I just didn't want to get out of bed. I felt so tired. Sometimes the last 9 years have felt like a dream and some ongoing movie series that I have been watching unfold. But, it's not. It is real and these feelings I feel are real. Depression and anxiety is something I have heavily been battling since my Glaucoma diagnosis. It's the little moments that creep up on you and make it worst. Always on July 5th, it is a hard day for me. It's very quiet for my family. You can still feel the loss. I just didn't want to get up today, but my grandma wouldn't want me to stay in bed and wallow about what could be. Even in quarantine I know she has been one of the guiding forces, pushing me to get up and get something done. So that is exactly what I did. I got up, put on my workout clothes, and got to work. I don't know how things will unfold over the next few weeks. But my grandma would want me to prep myself for something big. 

I am dying to make my new album. It's just hard with Corona spreading and evolving everywhere. It is frustrating, but I can't see the future. Time just moves on, so I gotta make sure I'm keeping up with time so that I can fit myself into the right narrative when the time is right. It's okay to feel down, I hope that everyone knows that. It's okay to not be okay. But it is also okay, to push yourself to do something more. Sometimes we lose someone and we lose apart of ourselves. They would not want us to just stay put. We have to move forward, that's all we can do, as time moves on.

Love, Roy ​​

Photographer: RL BAZA

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Merona, Suit Pants - Express, Shoes - Converse, Hat - H&M