The Times They Are A-Changing

CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #24: "The Times They Are A-Changing"

Dear readers,
COVID-19 READ ALL ABOUT IT!!! That is literally all we have seen for the last 2 months. I can't believe it has been 2 months since I have properly written anything in this diary of mine. This is not the same world I last wrote about on the page before this. You know when Dorothy and Toto got dropped into OZ by the tornado, this is exactly that, minus the tornado of course. Then again, Rona is a crazy bitch like that tornado, she doesn't care about the mess she is making. I'm in California now, safe and in quarantine like the rest of the world. Minus those crazy states like Florida and Texas. I don't have time to talk about those clowns... Anyways, It's been odd, not a bad odd, a good odd. This is not my first time locking myself away. I spent all of 2015-2017 doing that. This time though, it feels like a vacation of sorts. I can't bitch about being locked away. I am happy, I am healthy, and I honestly feel really good. Just because the world stops moving, doesn't mean you have to stop moving forward. 

Over the last 2 months, I have seen so many people complain about the new lives that we have to live. I wake up every day and feel beyond lucky to be alive and to have a chance to return to whatever new world is ahead of us, post-Corona Virus. Living in New York, getting diagnosed with Glaucoma, almost dying when Jamil hit me with the car, all of that, it prepped me to adapt to change. I know it's not easy for some people, they are scared, they are annoyed, and they want to get back to normal. Sorry to break it to you, it's never going to be normal again. We haven't even seen what a new "normal" will look like. I know how hard it is to be anxious and uneasy about major changes like this, but, if you ever want to step out into the world again, you're gonna have to live in this one first. Like or not, this is the world that we live in now. You can try and sugar coat it, pretend all you want, it's never going to be the same again. I know a lot of people are not okay with it, but, it's a new challenge that I feel that I can take on. However, I will not place myself back into the world, until it is safe enough for me to walk freely and not worry about getting sick. 

Having a major underlining illness like my Glaucoma, that is very risky. I can't take that risk when I have already come so far. I have so far to go, and I don't want to risk all of the hard work that has been done to get me to this point in my life. That doesn't mean I see this as a time to rest and relax. When you learn to readapt, you have to learn how to think outside of the box. How I do showcase the man I have become to this new world, without even getting the chance to physically step into it? It's not easy, it's not going to be easy. I have to play every card that I have hidden up my sleeve. Now is not the time to slow down because that is what most people are doing. I have to hone my talents and use them to my advantage. I have to experiment and try new things again and again. There is a version of myself that I have always wanted to showcase to the world. 23 entries ago, I started to plant those seeds. Now it's time for him to come out and play. 

I'm way more open, way more confident, I feel more comfortable in my skin. I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I feel content with my thoughts. Hell, I feel so much cooler than who I was a year ago. I'm about to turn 25 in a few days. I honestly can not wait. I am excited and itching to see what this version of myself is capable of. I feel free. Even though we are locked away to keep us safe, I feel so free. I feel loud, I feel proud, I feel sexy, I feel flirty, hell, I even feel like I have this whole fuckboy mentality. You know what? That's dope. After all that I have been through, I deserve to feel this way. I'm going to keep feeling this way, so that way when I can return to the world, I will be the best version of myself. That best version of myself needs to prep for a life after this, and what better way to prep for it, than by sharing my thoughts with the world. For the first time in my life, I don't know anything. I don't know when this will end. I don't know what the future holds. I don't even know what tomorrow will look like. The crazy thing is, I'm okay with not knowing. I'm okay with living in the moments we are in and letting them play out how they are supposed to. King Bob Dylan once said, "The Times They Are A-Changing", well king, you were right. The times, well, they sure are a-changing, and ya know what, I'm changing with it too Even though I'm locked inside, doesn't mean I'm locking myself away from the world...Maybe I should start an only fans account? lol, jk... you wish you could subscribe to that... haha, not gonna happen. 
 
Love, Roy ​​​

Photographer: RL BAZA

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Good Fellow, Pants - Express, Shoes - Vans