CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #16: "The Heart Of The Matter"
My cousins have been living their lives and pushing on while I've been away. The last time I saw them I was a huge wreck. Saying goodbye to them really messed with me. Ang (and her kids), Lollie, Nellie, Tommy, Josh, and Mama Nell, I'm so lucky that I got to grow up around them. My family is very close, even when we fight or have disagreements, we always find our way back to each other. I always find my way back to my cousins. God knows how happy I was to see my Auntie Mom. She is our rock. Auntie Mom, she reminds me so much of my grandma. My grandma passed away 9 years ago. Ever since she passed, it is like she stepped into Auntie Mom to be here for us. She reminds me so much of my grandma. I really needed that. When grandma passed away, we all got so lost. With Auntie Mom being a huge part of our lives, it's like grandma never left, she's always with us, and living on in auntie mom. When things get bad, my Auntie Mom always drops everything to be there for us. She's always with us, wherever we go. I'm glad my boys get to have her in their life too. They never got to meet their great-grandma, so to have that kinda figure in their life, is good. My boys mean the world to me. Not many people know this, but I got to help be apart of the upbringing of my nephews Tyson and JJ. Along with my parents, we are a big part of their lives. Even in New York, I'm still a big part of their life. They are part of the reason why I moved to NYC. I want them to see the world is a big place and there are so many opportunities for them beyond the small town line they reside in. Being away from them is hard for me. I'm so used to seeing them daily. That might change soon if I decide to leave New York earlier than expected. I'm ready to merge the worlds that I live in. I thought it would take some time, but, coming back here to California has shown me that I'll be ready to mix them both together real soon. I want them to have these learning experiences that I'm going through. They will one day. No matter what happens to me, I'll be there for them always, and hey, they have my diaries to read through, so they can see what DD was up to at this specific time in his life. My brothers and I once again got to bond for a little bit. I'm glad I got to spend some more time with them before I head out of here. We talked about how we all can't wait until I work my way back to them. I think they have a feeling that it will happen soon.
I don't know, you guys... What if the next time I come back to California it will be to live in LA. I have some things that I need to go over with my brothers in New York, then we can go from there. All I know is I'm glad I came here. I needed to come back here to get some clarity on how I can take this to the next level when I return to New York... and who knows maybe the next level is meant to take me beyond the city that never sleeps. I just feel ready for something more... I guess we'll just have to find out... Until then, I'll see you soon SF... trust me... I think I'll be back in California soon... I have this itch and I need to find out why...
Love, Roydom Lucian
END OF CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Photographer: Courtney Johnson
What I'm Wearing - Giants Jersey - Starter, Overalls - Forever 21, Shoes - Vans