The Fools Who Dream

CHAPTER 3:  Between The City Of Stars,The Moon, & New York City
Entry #21: " The Fools Who Dream"

Dear readers,
Tomorrow is my last normal day in New York. To think, 3 months ago this wasn't the definition of normal. Now it is. It is so weird to say that. It is a privilege I am now blessed for. If I were to make you a map of places that the boys and I hang out, Washington Square Park and West 4th street would be at the center of it all. It is only fitting that I got to walk around this park and this whole area that I cherish, one more time before I leave on Monday. I wanted to spend some time with Chris before I go. I don't think it hit me until now, but, Chris is my right hand here in NYC. He's like my little brother/son. I know that may be weird, but I see Chris in that way. He weirdly is like my son. I am very grateful to have had him by my side as the story of my life unfolded here in New York. To have him here as I wrap up this chapter is only fitting. I don't think he, along with the boys, will ever understand how much they all mean to me. I don't think they will ever understand how much it hurts to let them go, even if it is for a second in time. As we went for a long walk, I looked around at everyone and everything. I know this will be the last time that I see this city like this, filled with people and dreamers proudly and publicly, creating and expressing themselves in every way, at least for a while. I came here because of my dreams. My dreams that I know I am more than capable of making become a reality. Now, I'm leaving to keep that dream alive. I came to New York for my dreams and now I have to leave to protect those dreams. That is something I never thought I would say. Us dreamers, we create art with the hope of building a world that is larger than life. We create to contribute to a world that needs something larger than life. New York is a city filled with dreams that are larger than life at every corner. I still and always will believe that. I'm not abandoning my life here. I'm preserving it so that I have a life to return to, whenever the time is right. When the quarantine is over and we are all let out of shelters, I will not be returning to New York right away.

I guess you can say I made up my mind. The boys need me in LA. I need to be in LA. They will join me when it is safe. I can't even go there myself yet. For now, i'll be spending time away until this virus cools down. Their dreams gradually became my dreams. They aren't all the same, but they fall into the same heart, my heart. Everyone that I have become close to here, I want nothing more than for them to have their dreams come to life. Out of everyone, I am the older one. I have to set an example for them. This example I am setting for them is crucial for all of us moving forward. Their dreams, like mine, are very delicate. Everything that we do, must be handled with care. That is why I made this choice to leave earlier than I anticipated. Because if I stay, I will never make it back to LA, or even California, safely. I need to leave to keep these dreams alive. The boys need me to be their west coast. I can't be that if I'm here in New York and not able to do anything at all for however long this quarantine will last. I have to be one step ahead of the game. That one step is me leaving to California, laying low for a little bit, then rise up when the time is right. You would think this would be harder for me, but, I feel like everyone is holding my hand telling me it is okay for me to do this. I need them to lay low and stay safe, that way we can be reunited when this all comes to a close. I don't want to know what the world will be like when I step foot back in California in 2 days. I already know changes are coming. I used to not be able to handle change. Now that I have opened up my heart to the world, and let the world open its arms to me, I am okay with change. The biggest changes my life has ever made have been the diagnosis of my Glaucoma, my experience getting hit by the car, and literally every moment here in New York. New York has shaped me to adapt myself to be able to deal with changes daily. That's what I love about this place. Nothing is ever the same, It is different every day. At first, I was not able to handle that. Now, when it comes to change, I have such a firm grip. We will never evolve if we do not open up our hearts to change. Us dreamers, we need to be okay with change. Our dreams will never be reached if we don't budge to accept the change and grow from it. As we passed by our bar that Julio and I, designated as OUR BAR, my mind flashes back to the very first time I entered. I was not the man I am right now. I was scared, on the edge, and frankly, I was shook. New York put me in a bag and shook up my world. To start from there, now to this very moment, 3 months later, I am beyond grateful. I replay every other visit after that first time. I can see the evolution of the changes made daily. It all adds up to who I am now in this moment. I'm going to hold onto this for the rest of my life. I needed to be able to adapt to change daily. My dreams, our dreams, all of us dreamers, we need that. I told myself, If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. As we walked away, smiling through it, I said I'd do it again. 

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Chris Lopez

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Guitar Center, Jeans - Express, Jacket - H&M