CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #39 & Entry #40: "Still My Guide" Parts 1 & 2
There is power in owning your words, your stories, your ideas, and your feelings. By doing so you are owning your worth. I think that I've made that clear within what I have written so far in this diary. For a while, I did not feel that way within my music career. The hard truth of it all, my music wasn't allowed on certain streaming services because of rights and so on so forth. Yet, I wrote each of my songs. I am the sole writer. My songs are my stories. Within them are my words and those words live in a world that I created. Yet, I wasn't able to have them out in the world, when they were already out there once before. Even with the roadblock that was causing these annoying issues, I still believed there was a way to get them back out into the world. Sure enough, I found a way earlier this year. It took a few months, but those months have passed and finally, at least one of my old albums is back out into the world. If I'm being honest, this album was the most important one. It was the album that I felt needed to be released again. So, it worked out in the end. My 2nd album, Let The Music Be Your Guide, has officially been re-released. I pushed for this album to be put back out into the world because I believe that this album and the messages within it are still relevant and I believe that it can still help people. There are issues and topics that I covered within my songs on that album, those issues are still prominent in today's world. I always believed in my work. I still believe there is power in what you create. Beyond that, there is magic within that power. You either choose to let that magic shine or contain it and never let it fly. I wrote, "Let The Music Be Your Guide" as a piece of work that was and still is meant to shine, long after I leave this earth. Writing LTMBYG is forever one of my proudest accomplishments. Some people might find it weird that I chose to re-drop an album released 6 years ago, but when the messages are still clear as day, it would be a total waste to a piece of work that had so much love and thought put into it. LTMBYG never got its time to shine. By the time the album was released, we were unaware that I was going to get diagnosed with Glaucoma. We didn't know how bad things were going to get. Obviously, things got worst. When they did, I never got to properly promote LTMBYG. It just sat there collecting dust. I wish we could have done that differently. I wish the way things went down, didn't happen in that way. But they did, and I feel like anyone who worked on that album and played around in the world that I created, I feel like we are all still reeling from the loss that my illness caused. It's not my fault that I got sick. It just sucks that LTMBYG was the main casualty of it all. As the years have gone by I have sat with this album and continued thinking that there has to be a way to give it the life that it deserves. I know that by writing and releasing a new album would be the main way to do that. But, I also know that I'm basically a new artist now. When I first released LTMBYG, I was not "Roydom Lucian" or "Roy Lucian. I had another name, I had another persona. Since I parted with that name and persona, there has been no piece of work released as my truest self. LTMBYG however, that is my truest self. I may not write that kind of music anymore, but the messages and things that I stand for, all of that are still at the forefront of my beating heart. As a new artist, I have to build from the bottom up. I need to build an audience and expand upon the few members of my previous audience who decided to stay to watch me step into my shoes, as Roy. What better way to begin planting those seeds. I already had this well-watered soil in the treasure chest of my heart and the hard drive of my mac book. I might as well plant some seeds and let it grow. That way by the time my first piece of work releases out into the world, my old timeless creations will have made a space for the new magic I'm creating. If you think about it, it's a business win. It gives people something to look forward to, but it also serves up that nostalgic factor. For me personally, I'm just glad that I can begin to get people familiarized with my name and what I stand for. The next time people hear music from me, it may not sound like this, but at the core of it all, it's still the same soul, just grown.
I wrote LTMBYG when I was 17 living alone in LA. I feel like that time in my life is forever saved in a time capsule. Everything went by so quickly, it honestly still feels like it all could have been yesterday. As a songwriter, I continued to progress as the days went on and I adjusted to being alone in this big world. I was growing because I was just a fresh-faced early high school grad, all alone in a world that I have never stepped foot in alone. When we made LTMBYG I was at that age where I wanted to cater to older audiences, but at the same time, I still had a baby face that could sell music to teenagers. I had to find a way to cater to both of those audiences. I couldn't just flat out say, hey I want to kiss this guy or fuck this, or this was my sexual experience. None of that was allowed because of the younger audience that was honestly invested in me at the time. I can't say I didn't disagree with that. I 100% understood that. But at the same time, I needed to find a way to drop some hints about what I was feeling. As a writer, that pushed me. I accepted that challenge, and I think that is what makes LTMBYG so special. Because if you break down all my lyrics, if you listen closely and envision the world that I created, you can see what I'm trying to say. In the song LTMBYG, I talk about equality. Not just for the LGBTQ community, but for all races done wrong by society. In "Finally Me" I talk about body and soul empowerment while owning up to your inner sexual feelings coming to life on the outside. In "Inside & Out", I talk about my personal experience with bullying and weight issues, but expanding up those feelings into the modern world and how relevant those problems are. I found ways to say what I wanted to say, without really saying them at all. It is sadly frowned upon when young people, especially young people of color want to step forward and speak their minds, only to be met with backlash. My team didn't want me to have to forego hatred for the things that I wanted to stand for. I understood that. Still, I had to find a way to talk about what mattered to me. I did, and that's the magic behind this album. I think that is why anyone that has listened to it, has related to it. That magic doesn't just die, it stays alive within those songs. In the time of Corona, the world needs a little more magic in their life. I had this magic sitting here waiting to be released back out into the world. Now it is. Now my 17-year-old self can resume walking on the path that was broken to pieces when I got sick. I've been patching it up ever since. I still am patching it up, but sometimes the broken road leads you to something more. That is what I hope my broken road will do for me. LTMBYG is forever one of the greatest experiences I have had in my life. I love it so much that I wasn't about to let it sit there and be remembered as nothing less than it should. I hope that now that it is back out into the world, it gets the establishment it has been craving for the last 6 years. I hope that in a world where these messages are needed, I hope that these songs are embraced in the way I always wanted them to be. I hope that it leaves people wanting more, so that way by the time they get new music from my adult-self, they will embrace it with the fact that the guy who stands for these issues and inner self-worth, made it all happen. My heart is so full knowing that these songs are back out into the world where they belong. I will always fight for what is mine. These songs are mine and I'm glad to fully have them back in my possession. I'm glad that I can leave a little room, so that way people can feel that they have a piece of themselves within them as well. At least I hope they feel that way. There is a lyric in LTMBYG. I think it forever establishes what I stand for and what I believe in... "Be yourself, live your life, you know its okay, every little thing is going to be alright". In these uncertain times that we are living in, people can easily forget that. I hope that this will forever be some sort of reminder for them. Because look at the outcome of this so far. My songs are back out into the world. They are now being planted for something so much more. Truly, no matter how bad it may get, every little thing is gonna be alright.
Photographer: RL BAZA
What I'm Wearing:
Outfit one - Blazer - Vintage Find. Shirt - Vintage Find. Pants - Uniqlo
Outfit two - Shirt - Merona, Suit Pants - Express. Shoes - Vans