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The World Is So F***** Up (Feat. Seek Discomfort)

5/25/2020

CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #29: "The World Is So F***** Up"

Seek Discomfort has a new line of masks. For every mask sold, they donate a mask to those in need. Please help support by purchasing a mask for yourself. Safety first. Love Over Fear, always.

Dear readers,

As a wise band, the 1975, once said. WAKE WAKE WAKE UP It's Monday morning. No, you're not dreaming, you're still locked inside. I can't speak for everyone though. I see all these bathshit crazy people outside celebrating life. What the hell are they celebrating? I guess they don't care about the thousands of people who have died. The world's inner selfishness is starting to show. Over the last 3 months, I have only stepped foot into 3 stores. Besides that, I go out for my runs, I take pictures at the nearby park, and I stay put and safe inside my family's home. It's cool and all that people are wanting to share the love rather than live in fear, but by going out, they are going about it the wrong way. I can't stress this enough, these people just can't accept change. They can't sit back for one second and let this happen. If you just let it play out and stay put, you can save so many lives, and we can return to a new world as one. That sure as hell is not going to happen. I can dream about it, but it's not likely. I have been observing people. It's like they are headed to a mental breaking point. You know, I thought I would be one of them headed there. I'm not though. I wish I could just pass on some of my inner peace and share it with them. But, once again, that's wishful thinking. The amount of hatred that people have for one another, it's some scary shit. It is bad enough that the world is hurting. Climate change is insane, leadership is filled with stupidity, rona is just a worldwide murderer and the list of insanity goes on. When I look back at this time in my life, all of our lives, I don't know how I will feel. These are things that are going on around me and as a writer, I have to document it. Sometimes it just feels so wrong to even have these words float around my head because this is not something you want to imagine. We're standing in the middle of a disaster movie, but at least we're not the villain. Since I reinserted myself into the world, I was once locked out of, now locked out of again, along with everyone else - I was living by the motto, love over fear. Even behind closed doors, I still live by that specific motto. I'm not scared to return to the new world when that time comes, I'm just concerned that if the rest of society keeps headed down this road with their selfishness, we may not have a new world to live in with love over fear. It's the hard truth of it all. The world is so fucked up. You can't force people to change who refuse to try...

Love, Roy

Photographer: RL BAZA

What I'm Wearing: Mask - Seek Discomfort, Pants - Express

Moving Right Along (Feat. Snacklins)

5/14/2020

This page is made in collaboration with Snacklins.
I know that everyone is looking for something good to snack on during this time. One of my current obsessions is Snacklins. The Miso Ginger and their other flavors are beyond addictive. Check out their website to purchase some for yourself and get shipped directly to your homes.

CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #26: "Moving Right Along"

Dear readers,

It's back to quarantine business as usual. To think that this is the current new normal. I know that the rest of the world continues to bitch about being locked away, but I've genuinely kept myself busy. I'm actually kinda tired right now. I am never not productive. Since locking myself away I took on the 100 days of sweat challenge for the 2nd time in my life, I sing and keep my machine oiled, I cook every day, I read every day, and I try to learn something new. I keep myself focused and in the zone. That way once this situation we are in takes us into its new world, I'll be ready. I should share some tips on how I keep myself focused. I will. Not today, but I will. The key to living life right now is to move right along with it. Even when you can not move, you set your mind to move forward. No one has time to be stuck in the past. If I'm being honest, I thought about doing that, before continuing to write in this diary of mine. I honestly didn't know how to move this story of mine forward. Now, I have a better understanding of how to move it right along. A lot of these thoughts are my inner thoughts.

I don't have some fascinating life going on outside, so I have to look within me and tap into certain parts of myself to get myself to the next phase of my story. I'm figuring it out as I go. Over the last 2 days, my mind is adapting to the thoughts of a year older version of myself. I have a whole new sandbox within my inner thoughts to play with. That's a good thing, it keeps me creative during this confusing time. I would be lying if I didn't say I don't miss my loved ones. We all FaceTime basically every day, it's just really weird to go from being together to being apart. I don't think I have ever written down the original plan for this life of mine. It was not supposed to be like this right now, but here we are. Maybe I can write like a fan fiction version of this story. An else world alternate timeline. Lol, there goes my creative mind. What I'm trying to say is, I'm going to continue to let all these random thoughts out of my mind. Because I know somewhere down the line, they are going to pop up again.

When they pop up again, I should be able to use them for something more. Until then, I'm honestly tired. I'm going to go to sleep. I'm working hard because I want to feel alive during this time. I feel alive, but most importantly, I feel happy. Also! Rest is important. Like I said, I'll talk about things that keep me sane, in another entry. But I gotta state that here. It's okay to be tired. We gotta rest up, a new world is ahead of us, as we continue to move right along

Love, Roy

Photographer: RL BAZA

What I'm Wearing: Sweater - Uniqlo, Pants - Express, Shoes - Vans

Fine Line (feat. Triple Five Soul)

4/8/2020

This page is made in collaboration with Triple Five Soul . Triple Five Soul sent over their new Brian Hoodie from their Spring/Summer 2020 collection. I love this brand and their classic streetwear. The hoodie was comfortable and will keep me warm for the chilly S/S days in New York and California. Check out their brand new collection out now!

CHAPTER 3: Between The City Of Stars,The Moon, & New York City
Entry #20: " Fine Line"

Dear readers,
I'm all packed now. I set aside everything that I'm taking back to California and left some things in boxes so the boys can take care of it for me, until whenever the heck I can return. It's weird. It doesn't feel real. I don't think it will hit me until I say goodbye to them on Sunday. Tomorrow I am going to spend some time with Chris and go over some things. I feel like I am leaving the boys with a part of myself. I know that part of myself will be taken care of while I am away. I think by now it is pretty clear, I won't be returning to NYC first. I gotta go somewhere else before I step foot in the big apple again. We will talk about that tomorrow. Not right now. Mom and dad have been resting a lot. This whole trip has drained them. It has been a whirlwind for us. We did not think this would happen like this. In a way, I am very lucky it did. God knew it was always meant to be this way. I just never saw it coming. I snuck out while they rested. I got on the subway and headed to Union Square. I come here a lot to think. I walk through the farmer's market and grab a vegan muffin, then I go do work at the book shop. It is my usual routine. Today will be my last day doing that for a while. In a way, it is kind of good that I am by myself today, because I can have these much needed inner conversations that I need to have to prep myself for some time away from the life I have known for the last 3 months. There is this beautiful view of everything from Burlington Coat Factory. I know that location is so random, but, it's true. I headed to Burlington to see that view, one more time before I leave. It is not the ideal place for a view of everything, but, it was the first place I found a city view for myself when I first visited New York last year. I came to New York, a year ago, as of next week. Isn't that something. I'm leaving New York, one year after I first arrived to visit. This view is like the mountain top after a victory of sorts. I stand up here and see all that I have been able to accomplish over the last year. Not many people will get to say they have been able to complete what I have completed.

For me, it is a symbolization of hope. If I could come to this city and let my guard down, and be able to re-fall in love with myself, my faults, and my flaws. All while finding a way to open up my heart to the world, and in return, have the world open it's arms back up to me, then I know that whatever happens, it is all going to be more than okay for me. I'm really lucky that I get to be in a position where all the layers of depth that I have benefit me, rather than drag me down. As I look out this window, with this simple beautiful view, I start to replay, not just the last 3 months, but the whole year. As I replay all the memories in my head, I look forward to whatever version this life of mine will evolve into next. Because I know whatever happens will be what is meant to be.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Chris Lopez

What I'm Wearing: Hoodie - Triple Five Soul, Jeans - Express, Boots- Dr Martens, Beanie - Vans

Head First (Feat. Veggie Grill)

3/29/2020

This page is made in collaboration with Veggie Grill. I LOVE Veggie Grill. They just opened up their newest location, which just so happens to be in NYC. Due to COVID-19, the NYC location is currently closed. Until they re-open, visit their website to find a location near you to order some of the best Vegan food to-go.

CHAPTER 3: Between The City Of Stars,The Moon, & New York City
Entry #18: " Head First"

Dear readers,
Is it me or are the days going by faster than ever? Since I got back here, it's been non stop leading me to a finish line. I haven't made up my mind. All I know is, I'm not leaving New York for good... but I am leaving for a little bit. Does that make any sense? My parents see that the Corona Virus is getting worst, so they want me to come back to California with them. It's kinda difficult to just pick up and leave, but, for my safety, and their safety as well, we're gonna see if this is possible. They aren't supposed to leave until next week. If I do decide to go, I don't even have a plane ticket. We have to see if this is possible. If the rona decides to take over, because it looks like it is, then I know I'm gonna have to leave for my safety. However, I can't leave without tying up some loose ends. I still have a crapload of work to do, and I better hustle, because I don't know when I will be able to return home to NYC. I honestly don't know what life away from it will look like. The world around me is getting weird. I better cherish these last few "normal" moments, because I don't know what will become of all this. All of the boys are aware of my desire to pivot my home base from NYC to LA, but they aren't aware I might have to leave within the next few days, because this Corona is about to hit NYC and the USA very hard. I feel like I have had to speed up my thinking process because I need to make sure I get out of here before things become unsafe. It's weird having to think that way. I'm not thinking about my career and the opportunity that I can't pass up in LA. I'm thinking about surviving the next few months. I don't know, it is all scary. This whole thing is scary. When I said I'm ready to "seek discomfort", I didn't think that would make the whole world have to be out of their comfort zone as well. I just got to this new place. We just moved in everything. I'm not gonna even bother unpacking. I'm just gonna leave things with the boys to keep safe for me. Then I will take them with me when I eventually return.

To distract my mind from the craziness going on in the world, I met up with Chris at Veggie Grill for lunch. Veggie Grill invited me to stop by their newest location that just opened up here in the city. Veggie Grill is hella popular in CA, so of course, I had to stop by and try it out. Side note - I love being vegan. I love vegan food. I feel so fulfilled eating amazing healthy food.. Anyways, I had a long talk with Chris about getting out of here for a little, until Corona cools down. Then I'll go from there. I'm not going directly to LA. I mean I can't do that, it is not safe there as well. He said that everyone will understand me having to get away from the fire before it spreads. I didn't plan on this. I didn't plan on leaving NYC, within 2 weeks of my grand return. It's not like I'm moving from here. Not yet at least. I'm leaving, some of my things will stay, and whatever happens, when this Coronavirus ends, we'll go from there. After I finished eating with Chris, I headed to West 4th station to meet up with my former neighbors, David, Armondo, and Eugenio. My ex-landlord was a crazy lady. Well, one of them. I had several landlords. We aren't here to talk about them though, The crazy lady kicked out these boys, for no reason. I haven't had a lot of time to see people outside of my fam here in NYC. I was fortunate enough to be able to meet up with them for a second. I always passed by "Off the Wagon". I never went inside until tonight. Turns out Monday's are $1 beer days. So, it was a win for all of us! I had a blast hanging out with these boys for a little bit before I had to head back to my place to meet up with my parents. They introduced me to their friends and it reminded me how lucky we are to be in a city that is so open to a fresh start. I'm very fortunate for all the good people that have come into my life here in NYC. Idk if I will ever see them again, but, I hope they end up in a safe space, unlike where we were living, and with all this madness surround the USA, rising to a boiling point. As I headed home, I finally called Jesus. We talked for a little about my grand plan and the fact that I should leave soon, because of the Corona. My brother just wants me to be safe, so that way I can be happy. There is no way for me to do my career if I end up sick, It will make my illness worst, and throw me off track. It won't work if I stay. I can come back when this all blows over. When it ends it will be up to me, to determine where I take this story of mine next. I'm glad we got to talk about it though. He was the last one on my list. Now I have to look for a plane ticket. I'm gonna go before things get worst here. I made up my mind. This will be my last week in NYC, for a while.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Chris Lopez

What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Madewell, Jeans - Levis, Sweater - H&M, Hat - H&M, Shoes - Converse

Between The City Of Stars, The Moon, & New York City (feat. Madewell Mens)

3/22/2020

This page is made in collaboration with Madewell. Check out some of their newest pieces to add some flare to your wardrobe.

CHAPTER 3: Between The City Of Stars,The Moon, & New York City
Entry #17: " Between The City Of Stars, The Moon, & New York City"

Dear readers,
Welcome back to NYC. Well, it's still mad brick. I hear it's been warm, but I arrived to the wind, rain, and pure brick weather. After I landed, I literally got off the plane and had to find a new place to live. That was a headache of an experience. I did not like it at all. These people in New York are all about business, and honestly half of the businessmen are liars. I'm sick of dealing with them... So I had to go another route. I'm staying somewhere else right now. Is it ideal? No. Is it forever? No. It was a quick decision that I had to make, but I made it, and at least I'll have a roof over my head. My parents came along with me to help me move my things. They are still here and will be here for another week and a half. Where I'm now living is really temporary, so it will basically just be a storage unit for me. I'm glad my mom and dad got to come out to New York and help me figure out what kinda home that I need in my life. They hated the place where I had been living. They were not fans of it at all. In fact when we arrived my mom said it looks like the "slumps", lol. Now she gets why I never hang out in my neighborhood, haha. I say that this is temporary because I'm really weighing out the decision to move to LA, a year earlier than I expected... I know it's crazy. It's a crazy thought that has been keeping me awake for the last few days... But it's seriously something I am considering. I haven't made up my mind, I need to talk with my brothers first. There are pros and cons to all of this, and I want to know what they think of this crazy idea. It's been 3 weeks since I've seen everyone. Seeing Chris and Julio felt like no time had passed. I haven't seen the rest of the boys, but I will soon. I brought up this idea to them. I talked about it with my parents, and they shockingly 100% support me with it. They told me to tell the boys, and see what they say. I don't need their approval, but I wanted their opinion. I wanted to know how they would feel if I suddenly left NYC so quickly.

Both of them paused, but, they understood why I have the sudden urge and need to do this. I won't be leaving right away, but, If I want to follow through with this, we need to start laying the groundwork. With all this madness going on regarding the Coronavirus, I won't be performing. So I've had to make the difficult decision to put a pause on my band. I got a chance to talk to my band about this idea. Listen, I would really love to take them with me to LA. They can come with me if they want to. But, I know this is too soon for them. I know they wouldn't want to rush out of here. They have families too, and I wouldn't want to flip their world around so quickly. Everyone agrees though, I am most defiantly not rushing out of here. I just feel ready for more. Going back to California showed me that the first 3 months that I spent in New York shaped me into something more. That something more is ready to shine in a light that NYC can't offer right now. Then again, LA is most defiantly about to be under quarantine, so when it's safe I can head over there. As I explained, I'm turning 25 in 2 months. I want to be able to breathe out this tension I'm feeling inside of me. This tension within my soul, that I've felt since I arrived in LA for my layover 3 weeks ago. Chris, Julio, and the rest of my band members could see that I'm very serious about these thoughts. They all said, they know I am thinking straight. I am, I truly am. I hate that I've had these thoughts, but I honestly feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, with a moon that shines down on both of them. What the hell do I do about this? I'm not ready to give up the life that I've been living here in NYC, but I am ready to bring it to the home plate, sooner rather than later. Living in New York, time goes by so fast, but it goes by slow enough that you feel you have done so much. I think that is why I feel this way. I don't know, we'll see what happens. I'm just glad I could get these feelings out in the open for everyone to know. I haven't told Jesus yet. I know he won't want me to leave, but I know he will let me if that is what I decide to do. I'll talk to him tomorrow. As I got to the A train with Julio and Chris, I wondered how they felt inside knowing that I have these thoughts. I know they support me because they love me, but I know this will hurt them too. The idea of us parting so early on into this story is not one that I like. But it may be one that we all need. Trust me, it hurts me too, but something in me tells me this is the best thing for all of us. I have that gut feeling that I had when I decided to move to New York... now that same feeling has me wanting to go to the city of stars, more than ever. I have always said, the east coast needs me to be their west coast... maybe god literally wants me to be that for them?...

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Alex Chavez

What I'm Wearing- Coat - Madewell, Hoodie - H&M, Jeans - Levis, Shoes - Madewell

That's Just The Way It Is (Feat. Wearme Pro)

3/8/2020

CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #15: "That's Just The Way It Is"

This page is made in collaboration with WearMePro. As we all know protecting my eyes is very important for me. It should be for you as well. Why not protect them in a super stylish and affordable way, with some of the best glasses from WearMe Pro.

CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #15: "That's Just The Way It Is "

Dear readers,
I can't believe we are already here at the end of my visit. It went by so fast. I didn't think it would, but it did. Walking around reflecting on the last 2 weeks, I'm very grateful for the time that I got to spend with my loved ones. I'm also grateful that I wasn't feeling okay on some days. Because of that, now I will go back to New York and scale things back while continuing to move forward. When I arrived I said that this place no longer felt like home. I stand by that, but as the days have gone on, I have concluded that it is a time capsule of some sort. It has changed without me, but it forever holds this nostalgia feeling. The love that I once had, has spread out, and I can honestly see some of the legacy I left behind here, still being honored in the people that I love, and the lives that I've touched along the way. Getting to strip away some of the layers that I have to wear in New York, has also been refreshing. I literally have to stay warm in this cold world, but for the last 2 weeks I have had a chance to breathe. I needed that. I needed to get in touch with the California boy inside of me. That way I can push the New Yorker that I have become, to evolve to the next level. All I know is, when I get back to New York, I'll be different from when I left, I continue to change daily. This trip has once again changed me. Not completely, but it added something to my life, something that I've been needing for the last 2 months. I went out for dinner with Danny tonight. Danny is one of my closest friends. You don't find kind influencers often. I'm so lucky that Danny can fall in that category. We met via an influencer group we are apart of online. Over the last year we have become real close, and I'm so grateful for our friendship and relationship. I always try to make time to see him, because he means a lot to me. Our bond means a lot to me. A lot has happened since I've last seen him in November. I'm very lucky we were able to sit down for a few hours and gossip about our lives and the lives around us. We talked about our now, and what 12 months down the line may look like.

I wish Danny lived in New York, he needs to come visit ASAP. Anyways, Danny became a mentor of sort for, over the last year. When things got weird, and things got rough, he sat with me and heard me out. I'm lucky that I have this kind of support system, because not everyone does. After dinner he took me to the train station in his new Tesla. Riding in that car was an experience. I've never been inside of one, but tonight I can cross that off the list of things I never thought I would do. It was sick and I'm glad I got to have that little moment captured as a memory that will stick with me for life. As we said goodbye, my heart cracked just a little bit, because I can begin to feel myself leaving again. I love my loved ones here, Danny is included on that list. After we parted ways I walked around the marina for a bit. I just had to do a lot of self reflection. Danny and I talked about, what is it that I want when I finally reach my goal. What does life look like after all is said and done. I think that is going to become more clear for me once I continue onward with my journey in New York. I can't believe I'm just now talking about this, but last week I was at the mall with Courtney. This boy came up to me and asked me if I was Dom Baza. I may now be Roydom/Roy, but, yes, I am and always will be Dom too. He just wanted to say he grew up listening to my music, and complimented the pieces of work I put out as Dom, over the years. It was really nice to have that moment. I needed that because I now I have a bigger task with a band that surrounds me. He had asked me if I had any new music releasing. I told him yes, I have a band now, and that I live in Brooklyn... He really touched my heart and helped me to see that this is all still possible. I'm not doing any of this for nothing. I still have these young people, looking up to me and it is my duty to honor us all and stand for something, that no one is really standing up for today.

The air was nice tonight. As of matter of fact, I felt this air once before. I mean, I grew up in California, so of course I have, but the warmth of it, it reminded me of a breeze I felt one year ago when I first visited New York. That was the breeze I felt when I decided I would do whatever it takes to get back to New York and live there. Tonight this felt like the next evolution of that. It felt like it was a little push for me to go back to New York, to find my way back to California. Not here in the Bay Area. I can't stress that enough. But, back home to LA. I felt this breeze underneath the palm trees. The way it moved them was so soft and sweet, almost like a sweet poem being read aloud to me. It was like everyone up above was giving me a sign that they will guide me back. No matter what happens, I'll once again be one with the palm trees, one day soon. I just have to go back to New York and continue to care for the new life I now live, that way it can grow into something more. Something that I can take back to California and be 100% proud of. I guess that's just the way it is. For us to get our dreams, we have to go far away and go the distance. Now that I'm older I see the distance span so far beyond myself. That's just the way it is. Even long after I'm gone from these roads that I once walked, and the earth that I once lived, even after I write "The End", it continues because that's just the way it is.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing - Shirt - Vans, Jeans - Levis - Bag - Vans, Shoes - Vans, Glasses - Wearme Pro

In My Blood (FEAT ROSICRUCIAN EGYPTIAN MUSEUM)

3/3/2020

This entry is made in collaboration with Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum. We had a great time getting to explore this fantastic museum dedicated to ancient Egypt. If you're ever in the bay area, you can experience the museum for yourself. It's a little gem that needs to be seen to believe! Click here to purchase tickets and go on your own little adventure at the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum.

CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #13: "In My Blood"

This nearly 3-week visit back to the bay area is flying by so fast! In one week I'll be back in New York. Am I ready to go back?.. Not yet, I will be soon though. I just want to feel like I completed all that I need to while I'm here. Everyone has been wanting to spend time with me. I'm trying to spread my wings everywhere and make time for everyone. How is that going? Well, I haven't seen everyone yet, so there's that answer. It is hard when there is so much to do, but time just goes by so quickly. Luckily I had all of today free, to spend with my sissy, Dash. Dash has been wanting to have a brother/ sissy day, just for us. I'm glad I got to spend the whole day with her. I needed it. I need a distraction from my real-world problems that I'm going through. I wish I could have more days like these, but now that I live in NYC, I don't get to do these kinda things as often as I used to. When I lived here, all my sibs and I, we had days like this at least once every week. From going to the movies, or shopping trips, you name it. Today, Dash and I headed to the Egyptian Museum in San Jose. We wanted to have a cool "adult" field trip. Not that kids can't go here, it's just that we wanted to feel like we were kids on a field trip, but now as adults. I've never been to this museum, nor has Dash, so we were shocked to find out there was an actual tomb inside. It brought me back to the time we were at Angel Island. We were in 5th grade and Dash freaked out because we were so high up. Our classmate's father had to carry Dash down the hill. Except for this time, I'm not carrying her or holding her hand, if a freaking mummy decides to come back to life, she better run, haha. Walking into this tomb felt like we were in an episode of Scooby-Doo, lol. Deadass, it was a very interesting experience. I didn't think I would ever step into a tomb that leads us under the bay area. Even writing that sentence feels weird, haha. But here I am... taking selfies in a tomb. As we walked around and explored this fascinating museum we talked about what we're all going to be doing when I leave here again. I think it hit both me and my sissy harder, I really don't live here anymore. I know my family wishes I could be living nearby still, especially her and Courtney, but we all know that I have to be in New York, for now, that way we can be together again, one day soon. Trust me, we'll be living closer to each other soon. Seeing how all these artifacts stand the test of time, was a reminder of the relationships I have with my family. One day people could walk through a museum about us. They could see the timeline of my life play out. Every bit of uncertainty would be showcased to the public. In those uncertain moments, days like today come into play. I'm taken back to the times that I experienced so much love, the memories that stick with me for life. All those moments come from days like today. Days when my siblings remind me that it isn't my blood to not keep moving forward. No matter the pain or outcome. Today Dash reminded me that just 3 years ago, she was holding my hand and babysitting me because I couldn't see. Now here we are basically auditioning for "the mummy" ride at Universal Studios, lol. All jokes aside, I wouldn't have the strength to wake up every day, if I didn't make these memories that stick with me.

They help me get through the harder moments, the more difficult parts of this story of mine. I know Dash wanted to take me out today, knowing I will be in a different state of mind come Tuesday when I have a big test for my eye at the hospital. I'm glad I got to make this unusual, but not so unusual for us, memory, with her. Come Tuesday, I'll be reminded that no matter what happens to me, I've already come so far, it isn't in my blood to just back down right here... After all, I need to make it further in life so all of you spectators can come to visit the museum of my life, just like Dash and I visiting the Egyptian museum today.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing - Shirt - H&M, Jeans - Levis, Shoes - Madewell, Beanie - Adam Levine

West Coast (feat. Vegan Rob's)

3/1/2020

This entry is made in collaboration with Vegan Rob's. Vegan Rob's is a new global snack food focused on nutrition and compassion. As a vegan, I love snacking. I love when I find a good snack that tastes good, but, is also good for you. I love love love their puff chips. I urge you to please give them a try. Click here to find them at a store near you.

CHAPTER 2: 18 Days
Entry #12: "West Coast"

Dear readers,
I'm a city boy through and through. But... my heart always craves for the beach. I guess that is the islander in me. I mean, I don't think I could ever live back home on Guam, but, I'll always have a part of myself that longs to be near the beach. I truly am both. Of course one of the first things I had to do when I got back to the bay area, was go to the beach. The beach is like my safe haven, away from the hustle and bustle that drives my mind places, in the city. I think that's one of the aspects that I miss most, now that I live in NYC. Somehow I feel like I have meshed the 2 coasts together. I use both coast's slang, I combine my CA style with my NY style, to create my own vibe, and of course, I use the lessons I learned in SF to my advantage in NYC. I have meshed the 2 together. Let's be real, I rubbed off some of the west coast, to my new family in NYC. When I left SF, I knew my story there was done. I also knew where to leave room for more of California. It's no secret that I chose to go to NYC first, over LA. I did that for a reason. For me to feel fulfilled, I needed to move to New York first. I would have loved to go home to LA right off the bat, but there were missing pieces that needed to be found in New York. I just didn't think I would find a good chunk of those pieces, 2 months into my new life. Now that I have them, I can technically leave New York. But, leaving would be a disservice to the growth that I have gained and continue to gain. I also don't want to rush those pieces and create art that feels half-assed. Instead, I will now bring to life the mental roadmap I created before moving to NYC, and begin to travel the outline of the yellow brick that will lead me back to LA, within a year. Within a year gives me and the pieces of my puzzle, enough time to create and be apart of something more than ourselves. I can't believe I'm saying this, but, I'm only planning on keeping New York as my home base for another 9-12 months. Time moves so fast, especially in NYC. Somehow these new elements that I have been missing, keep coming to me every single day. I know more will come along the way when I return to NYC. But, if it continues this way, I already know when I have my eventual return to the west coast, mainly LA, I'll feel like a whole person, as opposed to half of what I could be.

I used to come out to the beach to reflect on everything. I just love the way my feet feel in the sand. There is a moment where I feel like the whole world around me stops. I always feel that when the sun shines along my face, and the mist from the ocean rubs against my skin. I really needed to come to the beach and think about the last 2 months, mentally 6 months in my mind. I have a lot on my mind. I worry a lot about my band and my career. I worry that New York won't embrace what I want to bring to life. I worry about my illness, more than I show to the public. I haven't been feeling right. My eye hasn't been feeling right. I push it off because I can't see myself going back down that dark path I once walked, and still kinda walk on. Ever since I landed, something has felt off inside of me. I'm here to see my doctor, so I'll soon find out how the inside of myself is doing. I think it's hitting me that 6 years have finally passed. I've been sick for 6 years now. I never saw myself in this position 6 years ago. I can feel the time that I borrowed, slipping away. I hate it. I think that is why I am now pushing harder for my voice and my story, to be heard. I would be lying if I said my illness isn't one of the reasons, I now have a constant desire to move my home-base from NYC to LA. I'm a dreamer, always and forever, but, I need to be logical. I can't let my illness take me down, but, I also realize now, I have to be closer to the rest of my family, in case something happens to me. That is why I am making a promise to myself that the next 9-12 months will be spent making sure I work my way back to them. But, also, taking what I've gained in NYC, and bringing it along with me. I will make sure I use my music as my guide on this journey, just as the footprints in the sand guide me to where I'm supposed to be. As I reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly from the last 2 months, I can't help but feel proud of myself. I'm out in the world, doing my best with my not so normal situation. The last time I was on this beach, I was a different person. Now, I'm here as a guy on a pathway leading to the collusion of the "right moment". In my gut, I feel it coming. Regardless of what happens to me because of my health, I feel that the right moment for the career portion of my life is coming. Being here today, away from the life I have gained, and away from the life I have known, it's so clear that its all meant to reach its final peak on the west coast. Since I can't be here 24/7 yet, I need to be the west coast, on the east coast. That way everyone in my new life, in NYC, can have that. So we can head down this road to the right moment, together.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Courtney Johnson

What I'm Wearing - Jacket - Good Fellow, Shirt - H&M, Hat - Good Fellow, Shorts - H&M

Always Remember Us This Way (feat. Love Me Hug Me)

2/9/2020

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #7: "Always Remember Us This Way"

This entry is made in collaboration with Love Me Hug Me. Love Me Hug Me is a new pop up exhibition with interactive capabilities for participants to experience a touching immersive love story. It tells the story of the reoccurrence of a couple whose love memory is gradually stolen by Alzheimer’s disease. I had the honor of visiting this exhibit, and I was really touched by the beautiful love story that unfolded in front of my eye, via a mini movie and the 7 beautiful interactive rooms. I hope the be as fortunate to have a love story, that touching, one day. You can check out more photos throughout the week on my IG and read my brand new entry, "Always Remember Us This Way', about my difficult love life, with more photos included, on roydomlucian.com. Thanks for having me @lovemehugmepopup. I'm so grateful that I got to experience this. Check out the exhibit open now until March 10, 2020. Love Me Hug Me is located in SoHo, at, 139 Wooster Street, New York, New York.

Dear readers,
It's weird living this new life here in NYC. As I soon head back to California for 18 days, I begin to look back at the last 2 months I have spent living here. You know, I wasn't supposed to be here alone. I was supposed to have someone else with me. It's complicated. That whole part of my life is complicated. But I have to let a little of it off my chest. I'm trying my best to separate the boy I once was 3 months ago, with the man I now am in NYC. God, I was so in love. Everyone has their own opinions about my private life. I won't even lie, I think I'll always be in love with the idea of being in love, with who I loved. Let's be real, I still love P. I always will. It's hard to completely move forward when everything I was with him, is written within the DNA of everything I now do, on my own. Society is starting to see me push forward as I return to my music career. Within every song that I write, I'm forced to relive every high and low of my complicated, complex, and delicate relationship. For a moment, within every hopeful love song that I sing, it takes me back to the times I truly was so deep in love. Then when the song is over, it hits me that it's not on replay. The song is over after the last note I have sung. Then I move onto the next song and the next stage. Then I relive the moment one more time, then it's just over. It ends. I'm forced to always remember 'us' in that way. It's beautiful, but it hurts, to look back at even the happiest moments. It hurts because I know where those happy moments lead to. I wish things could have been different. I wish I could remember these happy moments, and not have to feel the sting every time I have to replay them. As an artist, one of your greatest burdens is reliving every moment of your life, within every song that you write and sing. You have to be strong enough to relive through that every night, for the rest of your life. It is your duty as the artist, to tell your story so others can be able to feel what they need to feel, through what you have created. Sometimes people aren't able to feel what they need to feel, sometimes they need a song or a story, to help them move forward. That is our duty as an artist, to share our stories and create something that will impact others, even if it means replaying all the moments, you'd rather just lock away. I realize some people aren't able to remember their lives in that way. I'm lucky that I'm a writer. I have the gift to always be able to remember it. I know right now, it's a little awkward and rough to be in this position I am in. I have to adjust to this somehow. I will. I know I will. It's hard being constantly reminded about it. You know, I was fine. I guess it just stings a little when I see a couple holding hands on the subway, or the fact that a handful of the people I'm close to, has someone to love, or even hearing someone speak french, it reminds me of what could have been. I guess with Valentine's day, it brings up all these feelings for the unanswered questions, I don't know if I will ever get an answer to. I'm forced to always remember us in this way. Every time I step on stage or rehearse, It feels like I'm saying goodbye, all over again, and it hurts. But, it's okay. It's okay to hurt. At least for the rest of my life, I'll always be able to remember us that way. One day I'll look back and I'll finally be okay, remembering us in that way. But for now, it stings... then I remember why I had to say goodbye...

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Chris Lopez

What I'm Wearing: Cardigan - Urban Outfitters, Polo - Express, Pants - Boohoo Man, Shoes - Madewell, Hat - Urban Outfitters

Changes (feat. Sudio Headphones)

1/31/2020

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This entry is made in collaboration with Sudio. I'm a sucker for a good pair of headphones. Now that I live in NYC, I always have to be connected to a good pair of headphones. Sudio, is one of the best in the electronic world! Sudio is so confident in the quality of their products, they have introduced a new model called, 'FEM'”. Use my code 'MRDOMBAZA' to get 15% off your order.

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #5: "Changes"

Dear readers,
Have you had that moment where you finally grow into the shoes your parents once walked in? I think everyone has those moments somewhere down the road of their lives. Lately, I've been having them more than I ever thought I would. As my relationship deepens with the family I am growing into here in NYC, it is becoming so surreal to see the early days of my career from the last decade, bleed into what we are creating right now. Everything we are doing is happening so quickly. Things are changing daily. I'm doing my best to keep up with it all, but everything is changing at a rapid pace. We had a meeting for my band today. Julio and I, finally got all my members locked in. Now we can begin to rehearse soon. I've already spoken about Chris and the bond that we have created. Now as the days go on and my story deepens, I'll create different bonds with these boys, as I get to know Jacob, Dom, and Jeudy. They are incredible musicians, and I'm excited to see where our story goes. It's going to cause even more changes for us as we all grow as one. I'm glad I could have this meeting when my mind is a little clear of the mess that has been made via my home life at my apartment. Ugh... My apartment. What a mess! So I've been keeping my mouth shut.. not anymore. A homeless man broke into my apartment. It's been a mess. I came home from a long night out with the boys and headed right out the door as soon as I woke up. I had to go to do some social influencing work. It was just a long day and I thought I was seeing things. It turns out, I wasn't. Everything seemed so off. Sure enough, It was. I noticed that my bed was messy with clothes thrown everywhere. I did not leave it that way. I went into the bathroom and my toiletry bag was open and everything within it was thrown all over the place... Then I found a trail of food... it lead me to my freezer. Everything was eaten... I started to get scared. I opened my trash and sure enough, the empty food wrappers were in there. My PTSD kicked in. Freaking out, I called my mom, and she told me to call my landlord. I called my landlord. He was very quiet. Then he admitted to me that he caught a homeless man eating in my apartment and kicked him out.

My landlord knew all of this and didn't even tell me anything. I was beyond upset. It's bad enough I have been having so many problems with my apartment since I arrived in NYC. There was never any locks on the door, I never had curtains, I never got a stove, I never got a sink, and I even had a hole on the floor. It has been a nightmare. I packed my bag, grabbed my guitar, and I left to stay at Jesus's place for the night. I told my landlord I would see him early in the morning to discuss this. He did not handle this correctly. This homeless man tried on my clothes, ate my food, took a shower in my shower, I feel beyond violated by all of this. The next morning I met with my landlord and he sent me to some far off place towards the back of Brooklyn. I couldn't stay at the other apartment anymore. It was too much for me. Now I'm at this other location until I can figure out what to do with this messy living situation I am now in. I just want a place where I can feel at home, and not violated by landlords and their messy properties. I'll talk about them later on as this story goes on... I'm not done with them.

All of this affected me and all the work I am currently doing. I have so much on my plate. I have to prep this band of mine, prep myself, work on social influencing jobs, now I have to add, find a new place to live, on that list. Jesus and I were scheduled to perform at this location last night. We showed up and the performance was canceled. It didn't bother me. I've been through that before. Being with this career for 12 years now, I'm used to this. If you read my last diary, I can guarantee there is something about those kinds of nights, within it. Anyways, Jesus got upset and Julio felt destroyed and disappointed. When I saw this before my eyes, It became clear I had just become my mother. I was once like them. I was torn apart because it felt like I just made a huge error. My mom had to figure out a way to navigate me, away from the negativity I felt when things like this happened. As time went on, I learned its a normal part of this career we are pursuing. This happens all the time. However, this was the first time it happened for the boys. Jenny and Gio were with us. We didn't get to perform so we all went out for Italian food. The 3 of us were fine...Jesus and Julio were not. I was just having a fun conversation with Jenny and Gio, but something in me told me to check on my brothers. Sure enough, they were so frustrated. Hearing them talk all this nonsense, on top of all the stress that I am dealing with, it finally made me crack. My first crack in NYC. I deadass screamed in the middle of the street. I screamed not once, but twice. I had to release all this stress out of me. When I saw Julius crying, it broke me. It brought me back to the times when I was a kid. I left in a hurry and just sat on the bench of the subway station, as the trains passed by. I called my sister Courtney. My sister is my best friend. She lives back home in SF. Leaving her behind was one of the hardest things, I've ever had to do. Our worlds are so interconnected. You'll get what I mean as this story goes on. Anyways, this is the first time I ever felt like I just wanted to run away from New York City. This is the first time I wanted to go back to California. I called Courtney because she is my right hand. No matter how far apart we are, it's always us.

I asked my sister, am I capable of doing this all? Am I capable of helping all these guys cross the line, I once almost crossed, within the first big shot of my career. I want nothing more than to help my brothers, and these boys, get to the dreams that they dream of. I want them to be able to have their happiness fulfilled. The tears on Julio's face are forever engraved within my mind. It really broke me. I know what that is like. My sister knows that I know what that is like too. Talking with Courtney brought us back to when I first began all of this, way back when I was 12 years old. Now here I am, 12 years later and still pursuing this dream. She told me no one is more capable than you. You can do this. I can't turn back to live in SF. I can turn to home for advice and a breather, but I can't live there again. I have to move forward for my family and the family I am now apart of here, in NYC. I promised my family I would tell our story, I have no choice but to help my new family in NYC, make it, so that way we all make it. After I spoke with Courtney, I called my brothers. I apologized for going batshit crazy. I also had to reassure them. These things happen, and I'm kinda glad it happened to my brothers. They needed this. Every artist goes through issues, like this. They now have been through it too. Now when they get older, they can say that they lived through it, and look at how little of an issue it is, compared to when I first happened. It's just been a rough week for my family here in NYC, and myself. I'm just ready to figure out what we can do to fix all these issues. I swear, once I get a better place to live, I won't feel like the world's hottest mess, lol. A lot of lessons were learned this past week.. and now, new people joined our mission to widen our story. Things keep continuously changing. How we handle that... well, they might drive us half-insane, but, it's gonna kill us to stay the same, so we gotta remember, it's all gonna work out someday.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Julio Chavez

What I'm Wearing: Jacket - H&M, Shirt - Vintage Find, Jeans - Levis, Boots - DocMartins