Dear readers,
WOO! We made it to the end of this shitty year. Let's call it out for what it is! It was a shitty year! To think that I've gone through 4 cycles of my life within this year. New York part 1, Home in SF, New York part 2, and Quarantine. That is a true rollercoaster. Strangely enough, I am grateful for it. It's been a long, but fairly quick year that has opened everyone's eyes. It doesn't escape me that I am one of the lucky ones. Honestly, If I stayed in New York, idk what would have happened. I will always repeat that. I am grateful to be healthy and genuinely happier than I was midway through this last chapter of my life. Quarantine has been frustrating to say the least. But, it opened up creative avenues that I needed to tap into. Without that, the base for my 2021 would not be planted. I may have loathed 2020, but I am thankful that, that horrid year let me leave peacefully. I got to spend New Years Eve with my family. Most of whom I have obviously not seen in awhile. From Courtney (and Aaron), and Dash. To have these last moments of an honest to god, weird ass year, be spent with my family, it meant the world to me. It also kind of reassured my heart that everything will be okay. 2020 was just not it, for all of us. But to be able to stand here, healthy and with smiles on our faces, that in itself is everything. We are growing up and getting older. We are evolving, min by min, hour by hour, day by day. My sister Courtney with her relationship, Dash moving to DC, me on a path back to who I used to be... but better. We are making it out of this horrid year, alive. We are moving forward. And we will continue to move forward, no matter what. I don't know what will happen this year. All I know is, it is a going to be a big year for me. How that year is handled, I'll just have to wait and see. 2021, I come in peace. I thought 2020 was going to be it for me. That just blew up on my face. Honestly, I'm okay with that. If that did not happen, I would not be able to be here writing these thoughts right now. It blew up on my face, so that way I could just have a little more depth in this brand new year. I am so excited to see where this goes. I know one chapter of my life, is clearly ending... but this new one... this new one that will kick off 2021... I have a really good feeling about it, more than I did 2020... and that in itself, should say a lot. Welp... here we are right now. 2021. We made it to 2021. What's next?

​Love, Roy

Dear readers,
We did it! We completed the Christmas season. Started off the month by searching for the best Christmas tree... First time doing so with a mask on, but it still had that same exciting feeling. Even though it most def felt a little off. I went upstate and got lost for a second in time. Did it clear my head? no. But it did get me prepped to complete my 100th day of sweat! Yup! I did it again! 2nd time this year, 3rd time overall. I can't believe I was able to complete this challenge twice in one year. I am, grateful though. This it just gets easier to complete this challenge as time goes on. We'll see how I feel about that come April. I'm actually starting the challenge all over again for the 4th time. I have a booked and busy year coming up. I need to be the healthiest I have ever been, sans my illness. Decorating for Christmas was a joy, as always. Once again, it DID feel off. Covid has just made everything feel so off. But, the beauty within it was still alive and well. Our Quarantine Christmas was very quiet. It was just us celebrating amongst ourselves. You can feel in the air how off COVID made this holiday season. Nonetheless, we did our best to enjoy what we were given. As the holidays wrap up, I head back into SF to bury this weird ass year. I have a lot to celebrate moving forward, I also have a lot of work to be done. I am glad I didn't just sit around this past year. It may have been weird, but the amount of things I was able to get done from home, that in itself is an accomplishment. I know I haven't updated as much. But the fact of the matter is, it just wasn't anything too interesting for me to document. However, moving forward... there is so much story within me. And I'm excited to take you along for the ride... As I prep for New Years Eve, I look forward for what's to come in this new world. The times, they are a changing. scratch that, they keep on changing...

​Love, Roy 

Dear readers,
Sorry it's taken me awhile to write in here. I needed a break and room to breathe from this diary. Sometimes in order to continue writing, you have to step away from the pen or keyboard. It is important to just live a little. Or live whatever life you can live during the time of COVID. Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was so quiet this year. Literally it was just us together, and that in itself is special, just a little weird not being able to see the rest of our family. We are trying our best to make the most of the holiday season. The amount of Christmas decor we have been putting up, it looks like Christmas, but clearly something is off. I went to Black Friday this year! My first Black Friday during a worldwide pandemic. That was boring too. The sales were not so great and nothing interesting was being offered at any of the stores. I cut my hair! Forgot to mention that right off the top of this. But, yes, I cut my hair. Now that it is the holiday season, I'm gearing up and getting ready for what is next. As the holidays come, go, and wrap up, it is time for me to mentally prep for the year I am manifesting out into the world. There is so much that I want/wish I could say about the year ahead of us, but I have to be patient and keep that information to myself right now. Right now it is all about Christmas. Be it wrapping gifts, baking gingerbread houses, watching Christmas movies, drinking egg nog and apple cider. You name it. All of the above! I am glad I am finding my way back out into this new COVID world. I went back home to SF for the first time in months. Let me tell you, it felt so good. The city is so empty and I have never felt more comfortable and safer. I missed home, I missed this part of myself. Walking around with my short hair and boots, gets me so excited for what's to come. The holiday decorations are up all over the city, and it's not the same, but at least it feels like I am looking at the snow globe of my life in SF that I will always hold close to my heart. Anyways, that is what I have been up to! I'll check back in after Christmas and before New Years Eve. We're almost out of 2020. This chapter of my life is almost done... 

Love, Roy 

Dear readers,
Autumn. Welp, we finally are moving forward towards Thanksgiving. Even though I already low key started celebrating Christmas pretty hardcore, We gotta knock the November holiday out of the way first. You know, I thought this year would be the year I experience a true autumn in New York. But, once again, Ms Rona said no. I never thought I would be able to experience that kind of vibe. But, in a strange turn of events, Autumn has hit California pretty hard. My parents live right next to the forest and shockingly the leaves have changed and fallen to the ground. I feel lucky to have this as some sort of consolation prize. I am my most creative when it is Autumn. I feel more inspired and my drive is at 100%. Not to say that the rest of the year is not that way. It's just a lot better in Autumn. I can sit here and imagine what fall in New York would have been like, but I'll take what I'm given and at least be grateful that I can draw some sort of inspiration within the Autumn leaves, before they all fly away from me.

​Love, Roy 

What I'm Wearing: Cardigan - American Eagle, Pants - Uniqlo

Dear readers,
Ho Ho Ho. After our autumn blue win, it finally felt appropriate to celebrate Christmas. Honestly, I don't know what that looks like yet, but at least we can start here. Christmas is my favorite time of year and after this extremely shitty year, maybe the holidays will bring some sort of light to even out this extreme darkness. I have slowly started putting up the Christmas decor and it already feels like a much needed palate cleanse. I'm looking to the future now and hopefully planting the right seeds for me to get back to work on this album soon. Everything that was to be done in 2020 hopefully will get pushed off into next year and be completed to it's full potential. Last year I didn't really get to feel the holidays. I was moving to New York and everything just came and went so quickly. Like I said, I don't know what Christmas 2020 is about to look like, but at least we will get to watch it unfold together. Christmas time is here, everyone, let's begin.

​Love, Roy

What I'm Wearing:Top - Good Fellow, Shirt - Christmas Target Collection, Pants - Uniqlo  

Dear readers,
Autumn boi celebrating an autumn WIN!(IMAGINE PARTY IN THE USA PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND), lol. This morning a ray of light finally shined through the autumn leaves. BIDEN won!!! We have been sitting around waiting for the results of this election and here we are. We finally got those results. It has been a joy to see people dancing and singing all over the streets. It honestly feels like this weight has been lifted from our chest. Just because we won though, doesn’t mean things are going back to “normal". We have a lot of work to do and we have a lot of cleaning up to do from this hot mess over the last 4 years. It truly is a mess. But I believe, together, we can clean it up. It makes me emotional seeing an actual leader speak and address us. Because for the last 4 years. we all have been treated like trash. That gets so draining and we don't have time or energy for that to continue. We wouldn't survive if that Cheeto stayed in office for 4 more years. When I was in preschool we learned "This land is your land", and those lyrics have always stuck with me. As child of parents who immigrated from our small island into states, so that we could have more opportunities and the chance to follow our dreams, these lyrics were the prime example of what America should be. That was not the case for the last 4 years. As a gay man, as a man with a disability within my Glaucoma, as a POC, hearing actual leaders with actual plans really impacted me and my state of mind. Things have been so rough behind the scenes and this ray of hope was much needed for myself and so many others. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what the future holds for everyone, but seeing this ray of light today, I do know that there is still a future somewhere out there in the world for us. We are in America. This land is your land, this land is my land, this land was made for you and me... Let's hope it starts to look that way again.

Love, Roy

What I'm Wearing: Sweater - Thrift Find, Jeans - Levis, Shoes - Vans 

Dear readers,
Today is election day ! I voted early, and by mail, earlier in October. This is the 2nd time in my life that I am voting. I proudly voted Hillary in the last election, because I already knew what monsters look like from personal horrific and abusive experiences in my life... We’ll get into that next year... Sadly, a lot of other people were blinded by broken promises from Satan. She may not have been my first choice, but she would have been the better option instead of the disaster we are currently dealing with. This election, I voted for Biden/Harris and I am proud to have voted for them because this country is in dire need of actual leadership. We can not survive with the current leaders. I voted to seek justice, seek equality, seek empathy, and most importantly, seek love. Because for the last 4 years, the greater rise of racism, discrimination, genuine hate, genuine hurt, and genuine fear, this country has seen no real trace of love or support from the dark dystopian reality show playing out on our tv’s and devices. Enough is enough. There has been no real change, and no movement on their part, nothing. Too many lives have been lost, especially this year. We can't keep living like this. This election feels like we are literally walking a thin line. As of right now, no results have been given. There is no winner. I don't know what will happen. But whatever does, 100% will shape the rest of the year and beyond. Am I nervous? Hell yeah, who wouldn't be. We'll see what happens. I'm just hoping for the best. Whatever that is, we must try to not fear it. Like I said, there has been a huge lack of love. Right now we need love over fear! And that right there is the mindset I will have, until we get the outcome of this election. 

Dear readers, 
Happy Halloween! I'm finally winding down from an actual small, but eventful day. I, like the rest of you, well I hope the rest of you, celebrated all hallows eve from home with my family and no one else. I swear I don't understand how people were partying with large groups... trust me I saw a few down the street from me. It's crazy because Ms. Rona is coming for the rest of the year, so that's on them. Obviously this year I dressed up as my dual persona as the warlock. This is the first year we are literally all together on the actual day of Halloween. It was special because our boys get to fully experience Halloween in the home that we grew up in. My nephews went as Ghostface and a WWE wrestler. The kids went trick-or-treating with their cousins in a small group and they say that they had fun. I'm glad they did, because fun is hard to come by during these corona days. I stayed home ready to pass out candy to eager trick-or-treaters... except NO ONE CAME. My baby sissy Dash finally made her way back to our home for the first time in 9 months. She got tested for Rona and of course, she tested negative. I have gotten that test numerous times now, so I'm obviously okay and stable. It was so nice to finally be able to hug a family member who doesn't live in our house 24/7. We need family during these hellish times. As long as they are corona free and healthy, they are more than welcome into our quarantine bunker for a visit. Honestly, Dash and I just relaxed and watched vintage Disney Channel Halloween cartoons. We are 90's kids, and our minds need the 90's right now. That was the definition of normal for us. Eventually, we needed a break from sitting around and waiting for no trick-or-treaters. So, we went out on a quest to trick or treat as nearly 30-year-olds. Mind you, 30-year-olds CAN trick or treat as well, lol. Venturing out onto the streets in our witch capes we realized life truly looks like the purge. No one was passing out candy. No one was walking around. 3 houses were having some sort of mass maskless parties. Other than that, nothing. Literally nothing. At least we had the beautiful blue moon to guide us and be our light as we played spooky toons from Nightmare Before Christmas and Hocus Pocus. As "Come Little Children" faded into the midnight sky, the kids came home with a full bucket of candy and happy smiles behind their masks. Halloween 2020 was not what we asked for, or wanted. But we made do with what we got. I'm proud of that. And I am forever grateful we were able to make some special memories with our boys, and selective loved ones, throughout the Quarantine 2020 spooky season. I'm glad I finally got to see my sissy and kick off our holiday traditions, all leading up until Christmas. It's been a rough few months, but days like today give us room to breathe, and that is honestly what we need as we move forward.

Dear readers,
Well, we made it to Wednesday. I'm literally counting down the days and hours until we get out of this month.. hell even this year. Now we also have to put up with the fact that we are going to have an extra hour in this hellish year. NO ONE ASKED FOR THAT. As we sit and wonder why we are being punished with another hour in the day, at least Halloween is in 3 days. This is our first all hallows eve indoors, how that works? I don't know. Regardless of the current situation, I'm proud of myself for doing my best to remain in spirit with the vibe of the season. I truly do love Halloween, and it has been nice to have counter-programming within this shitty year. Regardless of the stress, heartache, and inner hell, the boy who loves to dress up as a warlock who wears all black is still within me. The Gypsy that remains will continue to remain, even during a fucked up mental pandemic. Because let's call it for what it is. In a way, that gives more flavor to the gypsy that remains. Because not all witches and warlocks are squeaky clean like Glenda. We wear black because the inner hell that we go through comes out within what we are feeling, therefore what we wear. Our lives put a spell on us, and hell, 2020, I just want to break free from your spell. I only hope that now we are stepping into November, we can find our way out of this year, and find our way out in the best way possible. As I strut around in my cape and wait for Halloween to come, I'm just grateful we are getting out of this month. I'm just grateful that underneath the hot mess that is my life, the gypsy warlock that I bring out every year, is still somewhere inside of me, come every Halloween. 

Love, Roy 

​What I'm Wearing - Cape: Spirit Halloween, Shirt - H&M, Pants - Express

Dear readers,
Finally, a little room to breathe during one of the most challenging times in our lives. I haven't had a night out in months. This wasn't a normal night because of the world we live in, nonetheless, it was still some sort of night out. We miss going to the movies. I used to take my boys to all the major Disney films. I thought we were not going to be able to do that this year, but my youngest found a drive-in theater near us online. He's been playing with his cars saying that he is at the drive-in theater. When I saw his favorite Halloween film, one of mine as well, The Nightmare Before Christmas, was playing, I knew we had to find a way to clear our Friday evening and all go together as a family. Honestly, it was one of the most joyous moments out of the hot mess that has been 2020. We have seen this movie so many times now, but there was something so special about seeing it on a big screen, outside, under the stars, all while sipping on an icee and eating actual movie theater popcorn. As I saw the joy and happiness on my boy's face, it gives me hope, that regardless of what is going on in our lives, there are still more joyous moments to come somewhere down this dark and never ending road. I did not think we would do something together as a family just in time for Halloween, but we did. Plus we have never been to a drive-in theater, so we can cross that off our list of things we have now experienced. I honestly felt so safe at the drive-in. We stayed in our own little bubble and far distanced from everyone else, I would do it again in a heartbeat, and hope that we will be able to one day soon. This year has not turned out in the way we expected, but I'll take the little moments of joy, like tonight with me, for the rest of my life. As we left my boy couldn't stop saying, this was his best day ever. And that made me so happy, that we could fulfill that happiness for him. Honestly, it was one of the best days ever, it truly was.