CHAPTER 4: The Times They Are A-Changing
Entry #31: "Best That I Can"
I'm writing in here earlier than I intended to, I feel like I needed to. I needed to write about what is going on. A lot is going on in the world still. Being away from social media has me more in tune than most of the shit-talking that I'm used to seeing online. Lately, I haven't been feeling well. I'm trying the best that I can, to get a grip of my body back. I got tested for COVID-19 yesterday. I was given the test 3x and they came out negative. Regardless of the result, I hate that some people don't believe that the virus is not going around anymore, because it very much so is. Getting the test and seeing it first hand, it honestly shook me. I am genuinely scared because of what I saw. For the last 2 months, I have had this ongoing and difficult sinus infection. That sinus infection has lead me to 2 ear infections that I have had for the last 3 weeks. The hospitals are very strict, I was not able to go in and physically see a doctor unless I got the COVID test. I am considered "high risk" because of the severity of my Glaucoma. The infections have become too much for my body to handle, so I had to be seen. When I get sick, any kind of sick, from the flu to an infection, I get hit 10x harder because of my Glaucoma. I've been living off of Glaucoma meds for 6 years now, mixing that with meds for other health problems, is hard for my body to deal with. It's been harder to deal with this kind of problem during COVID because all the doctors I have dealt with for the last few weeks have just been playing a guessing game. They weren't able to look into my body and physically see what is going on, so they have been guessing. None of the meds have helped, nothing helped until I was seen by a doctor after testing negative for COVID. Going to the hospital during these pandemics is one of the weirdest out of body experiences I have ever had. It felt like a movie. Getting tested for COVID is very simple, but painful. It feels like they do a deep cleanse into your brain. You have to stay in the car and they give you their own medical mask to use. When I got there, there was a line of other people waiting to get tested. They have a scheduled time for you to get tested. These people looked sick. By sick, I mean, SICK. I may not be feeling well with my infections, but these people genuinely looked sick. It is a crying shame that they limit the number of tests given daily. It goes to show that these poor hospitals are not given enough tests and funds, because the funding is going elsewhere to people who don't need all that money, ahem, cough cough, police... When the clinic told me I had to get tested, they had to squeeze me in because there is simply not enough tests to give out daily. Furthermore, I only saw 4 nurses at the felicity. There was not enough staff to give out the test to that growing line of people. I can't stress this enough, seeing it on tv is one thing, physically going there and experiencing it first hand, that's another thing. I will not be surprised to see the country spike in cases. Not from protesting for BLM, but from lack of testing, the reckless and irresponsible re-opening of America, no firm plan on how to handle Corona, and the stupidity of the American citizens. If you are not out there protesting for the greater good, if you're not an essential worker, or out for essential needs, you have no business being outside. This is some serious shit. As I looked back at the cars around me, these people looked scared and weak. I hope that they didn't get bad news, I hope that whatever it is, they stay indoors and get better. Corona is still here, and just because it is keeping quiet in certain places, I honestly do not think we are done with it. I hope that someone comes up with some sort of solution for testing and what is needed to get a firm grip on this pandemic we are going through, alongside the other pandemic. Sadly, this country is so far behind on so many things. From getting a grip on Corona to the systematic racism that has been running deep for far too long. Other than the crisis going on around me, I'm feeling okay. I still have my ear and sinus infections. I hope that they will clear soon. I just want my hearing back. I haven't been able to hear properly in weeks. I also haven't been able to sing at all since April. I just want to feel like myself again. I'm glad I finally got to physically see a doctor to guide me in the right direction. I just want control of my body back. That's why I workout, so I can try to fight off these things that try to take my body down. Sometimes that is not enough, and when it is not, I ask for help. I'm so thankful for our front line workers because after seeing it firsthand, this is not an easy task to deal with. I really hope more people begin to take this seriously because, by the time they do, it might be too late.
Photographer: RL BAZA
What I'm Wearing Shirt - Converse, Pants - Uniqlo