Dear readers, 
Happy Halloween! I'm finally winding down from an actual small, but eventful day. I, like the rest of you, well I hope the rest of you, celebrated all hallows eve from home with my family and no one else. I swear I don't understand how people were partying with large groups... trust me I saw a few down the street from me. It's crazy because Ms. Rona is coming for the rest of the year, so that's on them. Obviously this year I dressed up as my dual persona as the warlock. This is the first year we are literally all together on the actual day of Halloween. It was special because our boys get to fully experience Halloween in the home that we grew up in. My nephews went as Ghostface and a WWE wrestler. The kids went trick-or-treating with their cousins in a small group and they say that they had fun. I'm glad they did, because fun is hard to come by during these corona days. I stayed home ready to pass out candy to eager trick-or-treaters... except NO ONE CAME. My baby sissy Dash finally made her way back to our home for the first time in 9 months. She got tested for Rona and of course, she tested negative. I have gotten that test numerous times now, so I'm obviously okay and stable. It was so nice to finally be able to hug a family member who doesn't live in our house 24/7. We need family during these hellish times. As long as they are corona free and healthy, they are more than welcome into our quarantine bunker for a visit. Honestly, Dash and I just relaxed and watched vintage Disney Channel Halloween cartoons. We are 90's kids, and our minds need the 90's right now. That was the definition of normal for us. Eventually, we needed a break from sitting around and waiting for no trick-or-treaters. So, we went out on a quest to trick or treat as nearly 30-year-olds. Mind you, 30-year-olds CAN trick or treat as well, lol. Venturing out onto the streets in our witch capes we realized life truly looks like the purge. No one was passing out candy. No one was walking around. 3 houses were having some sort of mass maskless parties. Other than that, nothing. Literally nothing. At least we had the beautiful blue moon to guide us and be our light as we played spooky toons from Nightmare Before Christmas and Hocus Pocus. As "Come Little Children" faded into the midnight sky, the kids came home with a full bucket of candy and happy smiles behind their masks. Halloween 2020 was not what we asked for, or wanted. But we made do with what we got. I'm proud of that. And I am forever grateful we were able to make some special memories with our boys, and selective loved ones, throughout the Quarantine 2020 spooky season. I'm glad I finally got to see my sissy and kick off our holiday traditions, all leading up until Christmas. It's been a rough few months, but days like today give us room to breathe, and that is honestly what we need as we move forward.

Dear readers,
Well, we made it to Wednesday. I'm literally counting down the days and hours until we get out of this month.. hell even this year. Now we also have to put up with the fact that we are going to have an extra hour in this hellish year. NO ONE ASKED FOR THAT. As we sit and wonder why we are being punished with another hour in the day, at least Halloween is in 3 days. This is our first all hallows eve indoors, how that works? I don't know. Regardless of the current situation, I'm proud of myself for doing my best to remain in spirit with the vibe of the season. I truly do love Halloween, and it has been nice to have counter-programming within this shitty year. Regardless of the stress, heartache, and inner hell, the boy who loves to dress up as a warlock who wears all black is still within me. The Gypsy that remains will continue to remain, even during a fucked up mental pandemic. Because let's call it for what it is. In a way, that gives more flavor to the gypsy that remains. Because not all witches and warlocks are squeaky clean like Glenda. We wear black because the inner hell that we go through comes out within what we are feeling, therefore what we wear. Our lives put a spell on us, and hell, 2020, I just want to break free from your spell. I only hope that now we are stepping into November, we can find our way out of this year, and find our way out in the best way possible. As I strut around in my cape and wait for Halloween to come, I'm just grateful we are getting out of this month. I'm just grateful that underneath the hot mess that is my life, the gypsy warlock that I bring out every year, is still somewhere inside of me, come every Halloween. 

Love, Roy 

​What I'm Wearing - Cape: Spirit Halloween, Shirt - H&M, Pants - Express

Dear readers,
What a long week. As we head towards the end of this month, it becomes more apparent that October just wants to drag us out of the month slowly. Like a zombie, but with the twist of time ticking faster than ever. Is this how the year is going to end? I sure hope not. Halloween is officially one week away and honestly, it will be nice to finally have a holiday in our home. From the hot mess of Corona and quarantine, this will be the first time the world tests the waters of a major holiday during the pandemic. Also, it is one more week until this damn election. Even if it feels like October wants to drag us out of this month, at least some major things will happen within the world. The time is falling back next week as well. It is so weird to see the position I am in now. It is the complete opposite of where I was last year. Not just that, it is a whole other world. Anyway, as I said, this week was long. I guess the days really do get longer when Autumn begins. And don't get me started when the cold comes in. It sure will be an interesting time... we are truly headed into the unknown. 
Love, Roy 

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Disney Halloween Colletion, Jeans - Levis, Flannel - Gap, Shoes - Converse

Dear readers,
Finally, a little room to breathe during one of the most challenging times in our lives. I haven't had a night out in months. This wasn't a normal night because of the world we live in, nonetheless, it was still some sort of night out. We miss going to the movies. I used to take my boys to all the major Disney films. I thought we were not going to be able to do that this year, but my youngest found a drive-in theater near us online. He's been playing with his cars saying that he is at the drive-in theater. When I saw his favorite Halloween film, one of mine as well, The Nightmare Before Christmas, was playing, I knew we had to find a way to clear our Friday evening and all go together as a family. Honestly, it was one of the most joyous moments out of the hot mess that has been 2020. We have seen this movie so many times now, but there was something so special about seeing it on a big screen, outside, under the stars, all while sipping on an icee and eating actual movie theater popcorn. As I saw the joy and happiness on my boy's face, it gives me hope, that regardless of what is going on in our lives, there are still more joyous moments to come somewhere down this dark and never ending road. I did not think we would do something together as a family just in time for Halloween, but we did. Plus we have never been to a drive-in theater, so we can cross that off our list of things we have now experienced. I honestly felt so safe at the drive-in. We stayed in our own little bubble and far distanced from everyone else, I would do it again in a heartbeat, and hope that we will be able to one day soon. This year has not turned out in the way we expected, but I'll take the little moments of joy, like tonight with me, for the rest of my life. As we left my boy couldn't stop saying, this was his best day ever. And that made me so happy, that we could fulfill that happiness for him. Honestly, it was one of the best days ever, it truly was. 

Dear readers,
Can I be honest? I'm struggling. Everyone says oh you look great or you're looking great for someone who is in quarantine. I know I look better than I'm used to looking, but mentally, I'm fucked. The things roaming through my head, it is like a whole playground of darkness creeping up there. Don't worry, I am and have been in therapy. On top of that, I'm a songwriter, so obviously, those frustrations are poured into that as well. It's been an up and down river of emotions over the last few months. There is so much I want to say out loud, but I can't. It's not time yet. I swear my loved ones must think I'm crazy. My emotions are all over the place. And if I can't speak my truth out loud yet, then at least I can share a glimpse into what the hell my mind is thinking. I'm falling and falling, somehow I catch myself when I need to, but then I fall and fall, and I swear the hole sometimes is so unbearable. I know when it gets worst because my Arthritis flares up, then my Glaucoma reminds me that it is still here. I'm naturally putting on a show because that is all I know how to do. There is nothing wrong with that btw. It is a reflex that comes in handy. But just because I'm on here with an edge and a vibe that I want to give off, does not mean my head is straight. I'm bobbling around like a damn funko pop. So when I say I'm okay, I don't mean it sometimes. And that's okay. I wanted to keep putting on this straight face for everyone, but that is not in my DNA. I always find ways for things to bleed into everything I do, even if the bloodstains, it's fact. Just because I grow and go through evolutions doesn't mean you snap back to reality. Because sometimes reality is not always what it seems... when it is time, you will know. Yeah, there are 2 sides to the story but remember they both fir into the same narrative once you collect the collective facts within your head...

Love, Roy

What I'm Wearing: Sweater - Abrecombie, Pants - Uniqlo, Hat - Good Fellow 

Dear readers,
October is the month that all the ghosts come out. Am I right? or am I right? I finally put out every decoration needed to make our family home feel more like the holidays. Honestly, it really brightened up the mood within my cold dark Halloween heart. You know, I used to be so into this holiday. Now that I am dressing up for it and making myself feel more in the mood that contrasts with the darkness in my soul, it makes this Halloween 2020 a little more special. As I was decorating It brought me back to all the times we would decorate as a family, or the times that my former friends would come around and decorate and celebrate all season long. I miss those feelings, I still feel that apart of those feeling live on within me, regardless of what is going on in the world around me. Ghosts can be metaphorical. Since we are all stuck inside, let's be real, we are all thinking about our more lively days. But, that's okay, the happier memories are going to bring us the extra dose of happiness we desperately need during this dull, hellish time. With that said, I'm glad I could go back into a happier state of mind decorating the house and pulling more Halloween happiness out of me. Halloween is in 2 weeks and I honestly can't wait. It is going to be vastly different, but hey, at least it will be one new memory that will stick with me for life.

Dear readers,
​Hello, it is a new week. That means we are one step closer to Halloween. Honestly, at this point I'm just looking forward to the highlights we are inching closer to each day. Yesterday was my mom's 63rd birthday. It was a nice little moment in time to break up all the unevenness our lives have lately. I spent the last weekend sorting through the Halloween decor and organizing everything so I can decorate this week. I'm doing as much as I can to distract my mind. I went for a long walk tonight. I know, I'm already doing 100 days of sweat, but these long nightly walks help my mind cope with all the mental shit I have been putting up with in Quarantine. It is my me time, and honestly, I kinda miss all the long walks I had to take back home in New York. These nightly walks that I take aren't like New York, but I'll take what I can get for my sanity. I don't know what the week ahead has in store, but I hope to carry on the optimism of one Jack Skellington. If you think about it, Nightmare Before Christmas is not just a holiday movie, it is a hopeful film. Jack and Sally are filled with hope, and honesty films like NBC are needed right now because people like me can use that dose of hope. I was just telling one of my friends, I'm glad that it is the holiday season, amongst all this chaos. Because through the holidays, I can escape my issues for a second. That's all I want to do right now, and all I hope to continue doing for the time being. Anyways, I'll be decorating and doing some festive things this week. Hopefully, that continues to distract my mind for the time being. We'll see. I'll see you then.

​Love, Roy 

What I'm Wearing: Hoodie - Thrift Find, Pants - Express, Mask - Disney Store 

Dear readers,
Well, we made it another work. We survived. Yay!?... First off it just hit me that we are inching closer to the end of the month, Halloween, the time change, and the election, all within 2 weeks. That is nuts. I feel like ET tryin to phone home because Earth is way too overwhelming. Anyways, tomorrow is mom's 63rd birthday. This is the first year we won't have something for anyone in the public to join in and celebrate with us. That is going to be so weird. But in a year filled with sudden privacy, it works. It has just been us since we all entered quarantine 8 months ago. I can't believe 8 months have passed. Hopefully, we will be able to see some of our other family members for the upcoming holidays. Even if it is just a handful. This is a year of firsts for us. It is the first time my entire family is under one roof for an extended period. We haven't all been under the same roof at the same time since 2005 or 2006. It has been a long time. That automatically makes the holidays different than in previous years. It is bittersweet though. I honestly thought I was going to be in New York for Halloween. I was supposed to leave tomorrow. In another timeline, things would be very different. Thank god I stayed though. I see the Corona cases continue to rise, specifically back home in Brooklyn. I hope everyone that I love stays safe. I know we are probably headed towards some sort of new lockdown, we'll see when and how that happens. If you think about it though, it is kinda like we are all aliens on a foreign, yet familiar planet. With corona and a monster alien in charge of the United States, we are all ET, trying to find a way to phone home to some sort of familiarity and comfort. Because let's face it, even when we set out to seek discomfort, sometimes we need a little comfort. Especially with how overwhelming everything is nowadays. We'll see how this coming week looks. One step closer to the end of this upside-down year. Then hopefully someone can hear our cry for help as we try to phone home... or whatever home is in today's world.
Love, Roy 

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - Great Value, Pants - Uniqlo, Shoes - Vans, Backpack - Jans Sport 

Dear readers,
You ever just feel October truly is horror land? I mean, it is a whole shift due to the seasons changing, but still, there's something so unsettling about it sometimes. 4 days into this month and the world continues to flip on its head. Look at chetto and his wife, they got Corona Virus. It goes to show that karma does come around. Sometimes things are just so uncertain. Sometimes your world is just rattled to the core. Although throughout 2020, it is as if my world has been shaken more than the San Andres fault. I shouldn't compare earthquakes to my life, but it is true. I guess as we get further into spooky season, the devils and ghosts will continue to come out of their caves and graves. I'm pulling through though. Most days I question myself, how strong can I be. More like, how strong will I be. Living in this up and down world of the Corona Virus plus all the wicked stuff in between is so stressful. I count my blessings every day for the few people I can open up to. Life may be the Disturbia music video by Rihanna but were headed towards the end of the year. I keep saying this, but I gotta pull through. I have to pull through. I got people counting on me. I got myself to count on to. Idk guys, it's rough. I can't elaborate, at least not yet. We'll see how this week goes. Mom's birthday is on Saturday and this is the first time it will be celebrated during a pandemic, we'll see how that goes. We'll just see how this whole week goes. I'll see you then.

​Love, Roy 

What I'm Wearing: Shirt - RL Stein Collection, Pants -Uniqlo ​

Dear readers,
Midway through this week and the days are feeling more and more exhausting as the days go on. At least we finally made it to October first. The time hasn't even changed yet and I already feel as if we have fallen back an hour. It's a weird spot to be in right now. By weird spot, I mean life. Everyone is changing, growing, and physically going through some sort of literal darkness right now. Have I shed some tears over this? Hell yes, absolutely. I find myself crying more and more. They aren't sad tears, more like therapeutic tears. If only I could express how I'm feeling on here. I mean, I already am, but I would love to have that at 100%. I can't though. I'm saving all those words for the songs that I write alongside these pages. Like every season, fall is a transformation. From the weather to the colors, to everything else in between. It's time to fall back and really examine what we want to be moving forward into the cold winter. Or in this case, the first Rona winter. I must not slip away though. I must do my best to keep my head above water. As my sanity is tested by Ms. Rona and all the things she continues to throw my way, I just pray to keep my head up. If I feel like I'm slipping, I will say something. I promise. I do not feel that way right now, but If I do, I will say something. I just hope someone is ready to catch me. Not, saying I want to fall, but, you never know. My mental state is sketchy af lately. I'm a fighter though, and I'm going to pull through. We are going to pull through, okay?

​Love, Roy  

What I'm Wearing: Sweater - Forever 21, Jeans- Levis, Shoes - Madewell