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Dear readers,

As a wise band, the 1975, once said. WAKE WAKE WAKE UP It's Monday morning. No, you're not dreaming, you're still locked inside. I can't speak for everyone though. I see all these bathshit crazy people outside celebrating life. What the hell are they celebrating? I guess they don't care about the thousands of people who have died. The world's inner selfishness is starting to show. Over the last 3 months, I have only stepped foot into 3 stores. Besides that, I go out for my runs, I take pictures at the nearby park, and I stay put and safe inside my family's home. It's cool and all that people are wanting to share the love rather than live in fear, but by going out, they are going about it the wrong way. I can't stress this enough, these people just can't accept change. They can't sit back for one second and let this happen. If you just let it play out and stay put, you can save so many lives, and we can return to a new world as one. That sure as hell is not going to happen. I can dream about it, but it's not likely. I have been observing people. It's like they are headed to a mental breaking point. You know, I thought I would be one of them headed there. I'm not though. I wish I could just pass on some of my inner peace and share it with them. But, once again, that's wishful thinking. The amount of hatred that people have for one another, it's some scary shit. It is bad enough that the world is hurting. Climate change is insane, leadership is filled with stupidity, rona is just a worldwide murderer and the list of insanity goes on. When I look back at this time in my life, all of our lives, I don't know how I will feel. These are things that are going on around me and as a writer, I have to document it. Sometimes it just feels so wrong to even have these words float around my head because this is not something you want to imagine. We're standing in the middle of a disaster movie, but at least we're not the villain. Since I reinserted myself into the world, I was once locked out of, now locked out of again, along with everyone else - I was living by the motto, love over fear. Even behind closed doors, I still live by that specific motto. I'm not scared to return to the new world when that time comes, I'm just concerned that if the rest of society keeps headed down this road with their selfishness, we may not have a new world to live in with love over fear. It's the hard truth of it all. The world is so fucked up. You can't force people to change who refuse to try...

Love, Roy

Things That Make Me Happy
1. Working Out - As we all know, I have been doing 100 days of sweat for the last 61 days. I have loved every moment and I love feeling stronger, mentally, and physically. I feel really good when I put in the work every morning. Right now I'm doing 1 workout a day, but come day 75, it will be back up to 2 a day. I love doing 2 more, it makes me feel more whole. I can't wait to return to working out twice a day and completing my 100 days of sweat, for the 2nd time in my life. 

2. Wake up and take a cold shower for 3 mins. I hated this at first. I have now grown to love it. It doubles my energy and it also boosts your immune system! 

3. Cooking. I cook at least twice a day. I wish I cooked during my first run in New York. I never cooked the entire time I was there. I missed it. I love eating good, clean, healthy vegan food. I love the fact that I know what I am putting into my body. I love learning new things about cooking and trying and trying until I get it to the best possible outcome. 

4. Mediate/ Prayer. I try to keep my religious views private. I was born and raised in a Catholic home. My mom is very religious, but she's not one of those hardcore pushy religious members. I do pray, it helps. I won't elaborate, but it keeps me calm. Especially in this world of uncertainty. 

5. Music. I still rehearse as usual. Of course, I cut down the hours that I sing in the day, to save my voice. But, I do rehearse and keep my machine oiled for at least 2 hours in the day.

Dear readers,
Stay in your lane trick!!! That is a term you should learn and live by, especially during this weird time in our lives. People feel lost right now. Let's be real, it's totally okay to be lost. Most of the time when you get lost, you find yourself. Right now though, it is the perfect time to experiment with yourself and try new things. There are no hair and nail salons currently open, no malls, no department stores, basically no place where you can publicly get help to makeover yourself. That leaves you with no choice but to make use of what you have. Luckily for me, I started making those reinventions before rona. Now that I'm locked behind closed doors, I can play with them a little bit. Not in the way that I wanted to, but enough to satisfy my needs. Who I have become will still be there when this is over, but, it does not mean I have to lock away my wants and my needs. I've seen some things lately, people talk. To be honest, it is kind of an honor getting compared to my former self. Like omg, look at him, he's real simple now, rougher, tougher, darker. He's wearing nail polish and acting differently. This isn't him... I miss the blazers and the pointed shoes on him. His hair is too long now. YAP YAP YAP. Do you I think care? I left all that shit behind in another story because I wanted to be happier. All of that was a costume for me. I look back at my old diary and I could read between the lines. I wanted so badly to fit in with the "normal" influencers, or the "basic" artists. Yes, I have always been telling my truth, but, I walked a thin line on how I presented myself. Never too "out there". Hell, I don't even fit in with the LGBTQ community or any community that I should be associated with. I have had to find my own liberty walk. I'm in my own lane.. and that's okay. Create a path for yourself, and STAY IN YOUR LANE. Now that we are in quarantine, It gives me more time to reflect, yet again. Not that I needed to, but, I'm choosing to do so, to continue to better myself. I know a lot of people are doing self-reflections right now, and that is great. But as you look back and wish you could make changes to things you have done, don't regret what you have already gone through. I wouldn't be here right now feeling like a liberated fuckboy. I would still be that scared little kid hiding behind the pain caused by my illness to my history of abuse. I turned all of that into something more. That was the original plan on another timeline with no Corona. I was supposed to step up and speak up. Now I have to reroute that into other things for the time being. I'm choosing to still step up and speak up, but save enough for the plan that will eventually come back around. Until then, I'm gonna do what I do best now. Let out my inner confidence, experiment with my persona, all while staying in the specific lane I made for myself. 
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Love, Roy 
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