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Changes (feat. Sudio Headphones)

1/31/2020

This entry is made in collaboration with Sudio. I'm a sucker for a good pair of headphones. Now that I live in NYC, I always have to be connected to a good pair of headphones. Sudio, is one of the best in the electronic world! Sudio is so confident in the quality of their products, they have introduced a new model called, 'FEM'”. Use my code 'MRDOMBAZA' to get 15% off your order.

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #5: "Changes"

Dear readers,
Have you had that moment where you finally grow into the shoes your parents once walked in? I think everyone has those moments somewhere down the road of their lives. Lately, I've been having them more than I ever thought I would. As my relationship deepens with the family I am growing into here in NYC, it is becoming so surreal to see the early days of my career from the last decade, bleed into what we are creating right now. Everything we are doing is happening so quickly. Things are changing daily. I'm doing my best to keep up with it all, but everything is changing at a rapid pace. We had a meeting for my band today. Julio and I, finally got all my members locked in. Now we can begin to rehearse soon. I've already spoken about Chris and the bond that we have created. Now as the days go on and my story deepens, I'll create different bonds with these boys, as I get to know Jacob, Dom, and Jeudy. They are incredible musicians, and I'm excited to see where our story goes. It's going to cause even more changes for us as we all grow as one. I'm glad I could have this meeting when my mind is a little clear of the mess that has been made via my home life at my apartment. Ugh... My apartment. What a mess! So I've been keeping my mouth shut.. not anymore. A homeless man broke into my apartment. It's been a mess. I came home from a long night out with the boys and headed right out the door as soon as I woke up. I had to go to do some social influencing work. It was just a long day and I thought I was seeing things. It turns out, I wasn't. Everything seemed so off. Sure enough, It was. I noticed that my bed was messy with clothes thrown everywhere. I did not leave it that way. I went into the bathroom and my toiletry bag was open and everything within it was thrown all over the place... Then I found a trail of food... it lead me to my freezer. Everything was eaten... I started to get scared. I opened my trash and sure enough, the empty food wrappers were in there. My PTSD kicked in. Freaking out, I called my mom, and she told me to call my landlord. I called my landlord. He was very quiet. Then he admitted to me that he caught a homeless man eating in my apartment and kicked him out.

My landlord knew all of this and didn't even tell me anything. I was beyond upset. It's bad enough I have been having so many problems with my apartment since I arrived in NYC. There was never any locks on the door, I never had curtains, I never got a stove, I never got a sink, and I even had a hole on the floor. It has been a nightmare. I packed my bag, grabbed my guitar, and I left to stay at Jesus's place for the night. I told my landlord I would see him early in the morning to discuss this. He did not handle this correctly. This homeless man tried on my clothes, ate my food, took a shower in my shower, I feel beyond violated by all of this. The next morning I met with my landlord and he sent me to some far off place towards the back of Brooklyn. I couldn't stay at the other apartment anymore. It was too much for me. Now I'm at this other location until I can figure out what to do with this messy living situation I am now in. I just want a place where I can feel at home, and not violated by landlords and their messy properties. I'll talk about them later on as this story goes on... I'm not done with them.

All of this affected me and all the work I am currently doing. I have so much on my plate. I have to prep this band of mine, prep myself, work on social influencing jobs, now I have to add, find a new place to live, on that list. Jesus and I were scheduled to perform at this location last night. We showed up and the performance was canceled. It didn't bother me. I've been through that before. Being with this career for 12 years now, I'm used to this. If you read my last diary, I can guarantee there is something about those kinds of nights, within it. Anyways, Jesus got upset and Julio felt destroyed and disappointed. When I saw this before my eyes, It became clear I had just become my mother. I was once like them. I was torn apart because it felt like I just made a huge error. My mom had to figure out a way to navigate me, away from the negativity I felt when things like this happened. As time went on, I learned its a normal part of this career we are pursuing. This happens all the time. However, this was the first time it happened for the boys. Jenny and Gio were with us. We didn't get to perform so we all went out for Italian food. The 3 of us were fine...Jesus and Julio were not. I was just having a fun conversation with Jenny and Gio, but something in me told me to check on my brothers. Sure enough, they were so frustrated. Hearing them talk all this nonsense, on top of all the stress that I am dealing with, it finally made me crack. My first crack in NYC. I deadass screamed in the middle of the street. I screamed not once, but twice. I had to release all this stress out of me. When I saw Julius crying, it broke me. It brought me back to the times when I was a kid. I left in a hurry and just sat on the bench of the subway station, as the trains passed by. I called my sister Courtney. My sister is my best friend. She lives back home in SF. Leaving her behind was one of the hardest things, I've ever had to do. Our worlds are so interconnected. You'll get what I mean as this story goes on. Anyways, this is the first time I ever felt like I just wanted to run away from New York City. This is the first time I wanted to go back to California. I called Courtney because she is my right hand. No matter how far apart we are, it's always us.

I asked my sister, am I capable of doing this all? Am I capable of helping all these guys cross the line, I once almost crossed, within the first big shot of my career. I want nothing more than to help my brothers, and these boys, get to the dreams that they dream of. I want them to be able to have their happiness fulfilled. The tears on Julio's face are forever engraved within my mind. It really broke me. I know what that is like. My sister knows that I know what that is like too. Talking with Courtney brought us back to when I first began all of this, way back when I was 12 years old. Now here I am, 12 years later and still pursuing this dream. She told me no one is more capable than you. You can do this. I can't turn back to live in SF. I can turn to home for advice and a breather, but I can't live there again. I have to move forward for my family and the family I am now apart of here, in NYC. I promised my family I would tell our story, I have no choice but to help my new family in NYC, make it, so that way we all make it. After I spoke with Courtney, I called my brothers. I apologized for going batshit crazy. I also had to reassure them. These things happen, and I'm kinda glad it happened to my brothers. They needed this. Every artist goes through issues, like this. They now have been through it too. Now when they get older, they can say that they lived through it, and look at how little of an issue it is, compared to when I first happened. It's just been a rough week for my family here in NYC, and myself. I'm just ready to figure out what we can do to fix all these issues. I swear, once I get a better place to live, I won't feel like the world's hottest mess, lol. A lot of lessons were learned this past week.. and now, new people joined our mission to widen our story. Things keep continuously changing. How we handle that... well, they might drive us half-insane, but, it's gonna kill us to stay the same, so we gotta remember, it's all gonna work out someday.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Julio Chavez

What I'm Wearing: Jacket - H&M, Shirt - Vintage Find, Jeans - Levis, Boots - DocMartins

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All Things Go (feat. Wagamama x Avantgardevegan)

1/24/2020

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #4: "All Things Go"

Dear readers,
Learning to go with the flow is not easy. It's a challenge, to say the least. For me, as I continue to adjust to this new life of mine, it's very intriguing. It's constantly changing daily. Parts of my old life somehow come into play within this new life of mine. I have constantly been seeing lessons that I've learned over the last decade come back to help me in these new parts of my life. It's been a blessing to see it from this new perspective. My vegan lifestyle has truly come into play here in New York. I was never going to not carry that over into my new story. Back home in SF, every corner does not offer vegan options. But, in New York, it's a whole vegan world here. Deadass, every corner has some sort of vegan option. I have been in food heaven. For those of you that don't know, I do not eat meat... I can not eat meat. With my illness, I have to be very careful with what I put into my body. I chose this, to give myself a chance to have a little more years added to the amount of time I was given with my eyesight. If I'm being honest, I'm glad this was an option. I love not eating meat. It feels so right for me, and my body has adapted, accepted, and loved this diet for the last 3 years now. All my fam here in New York eats meat. Although, I have been getting them on my vegan train lately. So much, that Julio and Gio tagged along with me for my favorite vegan chef, Gaz Oakley, and the launch of his new collab meal at Wagamama, the vegan sticky, Asian 'ribs'.
It feels like the boys and I have spent the whole week together. Come to think of it, we have. I'm glad they could come along with me at a very interesting part of our story. A lot is going on with us, in our professional, and personal lives. So, it's been a relief to have days and events, like this, distract us from our problems. Anthony came along as well. Anthony is Julio's best friend. I met Anthony about a month ago. The first day I ever met him, he witnessed how horrible I was at video games. Not my fault, I wasn't playing any games while I was living the hospital life, lol. Then we went and got drunk at this Irish bar and didn't get home until 3 am. The whole night was so fun. It's something I'll never forget. Especially since it was one of the first fun nights I've had in New York. Now we live not too far apart from each other. Anthony is like the definition of the cool guy the other guys wanna be. Think Jake Ryan from 'Sixteen Candles', but the modern, slicker, more laid back version. The complete opposite of Julio's outgoing and bubbly personality. I get why they are best friends though. My best friends, even though they are my family, we're kinda polar opposites. That's what makes us a good fit. Anyways, he's a cool dude and the kinda guy that more guys should take notes from. I mean that. His style and his vibe rocks, and I'm glad the dude is now apart of my life too.

You know, vibe wise, Anthony kinda reminds me of Gaz Oakley. The man of the hour, and our vegan king for life. I love Gaz Oakley. I can't praise that man enough. I'm a really big fan of his. When I started to cut meat from my diet, I turned to youtube and found Avantgardevegan. Since then, I religiously watch his videos every single week, sometimes daily. His food is what dreams are made of. In June, I deadass went and hunted down his cookbook at the book store, because I wanted to make some for myself. Listen, it ain't as good and as pretty as his, but his recipes are the bomb. I love what he stands for and just how he approaches life. It made me change the way I approach certain things. The guy is a vibe through and through. I was so excited to try his vegan 'ribs'. Let me tell you, it was everything and more. The boys dug it too, and they are meat-eaters. I would eat it again and again. I'll most likely be back to Wagamama to have another round before they are removed from the menu on March 31st. NOTE TO SELF: get back to Wagamama ASAP. After we finished our dinner, we got to meet up with Gaz as we were leaving. Gaz Oakley has always been on my list of people I want to meet during my life here on earth. Finally, I can cross that off the list. God, he's so cool. Just positive, humble, and the kinda guy more of the world needs. I was deadass pretty nervous to meet him. I'm glad I did though. I admire this guy. From his food to his lifestyle, fashion, and general vibe, he's just too cool. So, yes, Roy got a little starstruck. I got to take a pic with him and he signed my copy of his Vegan 100 cookbook. Thanks to my brothers, for reminding me that I have the book for him to sign. I adore this book and I will now cherish this signed version from him, forever. Thanks, Gaz, for the great food, the inspiration, and for inspiring so many people like myself. We look up to you and hope to at least try to be as good as you. It was an honor meeting you, Mr. Gaz Oakley.

Going with the flow is not easy. But, once you learn to ride the waves of the flow, you get to have cool moments like meeting Gaz Oakley. Who would have thought, this could happen. Life is hard, it's weird, but moments like this make all the hard and weird times, worth it.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Head to Wagamama to try out Gaz's vegan sticky, asian 'ribs'. Available now until March 31st.
Follow @GazOakley and @avantgardevegan on instagram
and subscribe to Gaz's phenomenal youtube channel

Photographer: Julio Chavez

What I'm Wearing: Coat - Good Fellow, Shirt - Vintage Wrangler, Suit Pants - Express, Shoes - Nike, Hat - Urban Outfitters

Shine

1/21/2020

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #3: "Shine"

Dear readers,
They say the show must go on. One way or another the show always goes on so the world can get the entertainment that they crave. Sometimes life forces you to bow out from the show earlier than you expected. Life forces you to take the time to step away and reflect while you deal with whatever the hell life is throwing your way. Then there comes a moment where you see the light shine through the cracks of your brokenness. When the light shines through, you begin to ponder and ask yourself, how do I make myself shine with my newfound brokenness? How do I turn the negativity into something positive for everyone that may need it? For me, that was confronting myself and all that has happened, and owning up to the fact that for me to heal, I have to return to the part of myself that makes me shine, through and through. The part of myself that I feel most confident and at ease with. What is that part of myself? Well, my music, of course. When I got sick 6 years ago, it destroyed my world, broke my stage, and took away the voice within me. It wasn't until I woke up one day and finally saw the light shine through the cracks. Once I felt that uplifting light along my skin, I knew it was leading me on a journey back to where I'm supposed to be. Right-back under the stage lights where I belong. As I mapped out what I wanted to do with my careers in 2020, I also mapped out the last 5 years of twenties. I kept going back to one firm conclusion. What did I come up with? Well, I plan to get me back the life I once lived, but in a whole new, different, and more meaningful way. That is why I chose New York as the first stop in this new life of mine. I'm here to finally speak up about all the bad that has happened to me, but also all the good that can come from the bad. This journey to make an impact on people begins with myself and finding a place to open my mouth and begin to have my words heard. No matter how big or small the audience is.

Now that I have my brothers along with me for this ride. It is the 3 of us, as opposed to just me. I have brothers right alongside me as we all venture out into this world I once lived in. I already played this game called the music industry, once before. Now I am ready to roll dice and go for another round.... but this time, tweak the rules. Sure, I'll play by their rules, but now I know how they play this game. I'm not about to let them overrule everything. They outsmarted a 17-year-old, but they won't outsmart a 24-year-old who knows how to retrace his steps and find the mistakes that were made. This time I have my brothers to help me retrace those steps. We have a team and a stronger unit to help defy those odds. To kick off this journey back to the stage lights, I found us an open mic to perform. When I went to New York in my last life, I met a guy named Ron. Ron runs another open mic in New York. He just started up a new one at a venue called bar 9. So, the boys and I headed over there for our first performance of the year. Luckily, we had support with us. Chris tagged along with us. I'm glad he did because now that my full voice is back, I want him to see me in the light I truly stand-in, as opposed to the congested dude he heard sing at Central Park, lol. Gio came along as well. Oh, how I've been waiting to write about Gio Palace. I love that guy! In a short amount of time, he has become one of my brothers. I feel like I've known him for some time now, but I've only known him for a month. I met Gio through Julio. As per usual, Julio introduces me to the best people. Lol, thanks, my brother, JULIUS. Anyways, we hit it off. We talk like every day now. It's been good to have him in my life too. Once you get to know Gio, you'll start to see how talented this guy is. He knows the business, he just doesn't know that yet. He's hilarious and deserves to be on camera. He's just so natural. Gio has that look, that star quality look. Imagine watching a movie, he's the scene-stealer of the film. I can't praise him enough. He is such a stand-up guy, and I'm very lucky he is in my life now. Jesus, Julio, Chris, and myself, may be doing the music thing, but I truly believe that Gio can win in his field too. He's too talented to not be seen. The world would be deprived if they didn't get to know Gio Palace.

As we all entered Bar 9, it became apparent that this place is a vibe. It has this music aesthetic. I can't describe it, you'll have to see it for yourself. It was good to see Ron again. I haven't seen him since last year. He knew me as another guy but fully embraced me as who I am now. After we got our slots, we prepped for our songs. I ended up singing first, then I sang again with Jesus on his track. Not gonna lie, I got a little nervous before this gig. This is my first time performing in NYC. My first time performing as Roydom Lucian. My first time singing some of these songs that are beyond personal to me. Once I got on that stage though, everything faded away. It's like the whole room fades to black. It's just me, pouring the pain, the joy, and everything in between, out of my heart. As I opened my mouth and let the words fall out, I picture all my loved ones that couldn't be here for my first New York performances. I'm lucky I have my brothers with me for the moral support, but, I do picture everyone else in that room. Because once I open my mouth to sing, I'm not just telling everyone my story, I'm telling everyone, our story. I could feel it in me, every note, every feeling, runs through my veins. I can feel the depth of what I'm saying, light up my soul and set me free. When I am on stage, I am free from everything. By the time I got to my 2nd song, I honestly didn't want to get off of that stage. If I had my choice, I could do this every day, every night, for the rest of my life. I just want to be on a stage doing what I love. Tonight was the first night this journey that will lead me to a chance to do this every night. It was nice to get such a warm and loving response from everyone around me in that room. It was magic, and I know in my heart I can continue casting spells, with my truth, that I will make sure gets heard. After I finished my set, it was Jesus's turn to perform. I helped my brother out by singing the hook to his real and raw af, song, 'On My Own'. We did the best we could. We honestly could not hear the backing track, but we did the best we could. It was just night one and day 1, getting back into the world. We still have time to grow together. I really did love tonight's performance, though. it felt so right and got me fired up to continue performing every week. As we build my band, write more with Jesus, perform these shows, we all are going to grow into larger and better versions of ourselves. I'm really glad we got to go and do this performance. Our first of many more to come for 2020.

As I walked back to Brooklyn, walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, it becomes more clear that this city now has a little extra light, thanks to the light shining through the cracks of my brokenness. The light that I proudly let shine through my music and everything that I do. We're all gonna let our lights shine, it may need polishing sometimes, but it will shine through the cracks. In the end, it always does. It's day1 everyone. Day 1 of so much more to come,

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Alex Chavez

What I'm Wearing Coat - BDG, Flannel - Alfani, Pants - Uniqlo, Shoes - Nike, Hat - Urban Outfitters

Nothing On You (feat. Seek DISCOMFORT)

1/19/2020

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #2: "Nothing On You"

Dear readers,
New Year's Eve. What is it about this night that makes everything feel like the calm before the storm? I mean, it's always felt like that. Even when we did not celebrate it. Let's be real, we barely celebrated NYE in California. It just isn't that big of a deal for my family. We clean, we pray, we sleep. That usually is our NYE, lol. However, this is the first year I am not living in California. I am now a New Yorker ringing in the New Year in the city that appreciates the ball dropping at midnight. As I leave behind this shitty year called 2019, I look back at the few moments that impacted me. For example, I went to my first concert since getting Glaucoma, I met one of my best friends, and now brother, at an open mic in NYC, I went to NYC and fell in love with it, I saw my baby sister graduate college, I went to the premiere showing of Spiderman: FFH with my nephews, I had a big bon voyage party and now after months of hell, I got out of California and moved here to NYC. It's not a lot, but it's enough to say that parts of the year were special. Going into 2020, I want to make it clear that this year is going to be much busier and brighter than ever. It's already different than all my other NYE celebrations. Tonight I am going to celebrate NYE with my brothers, Jesus and Julio. I never celebrate this holiday, so I have a feeling this is going to be so special for me.

Before I headed up to the heights to be with my brothers and their families, I got to meet Chris. Chris is one of Julio's closest friends. He's a recent music major grad and a FANTASTIC guitarist. Julio wanted us to meet because I'm looking at putting together a band. I need a band to back my music on stage. Once I have a band, I'll be able to do bigger shows. All I need is a band, and my re-entry to the music industry could truly begin. Julio already knows me well enough, to know that Chris and I, clicked right off the bat. Man, we just bonded. I missed this kinda bond. When I was working in the music industry before, I had this kind of bond with my last band. Chris is different though. He's younger but has a fresh outlook on everything. We went to central park and jammed for a while. I got to play some of my stuff, he got to play some of his. I knew from the moment that he started playing guitar... and singing, I needed this guy in my life. Not just for my band, but as a brother. I don't even think he knows this, but I saw our relationship flash before my eyes. I won't give it long until I call Chris one of my best friends. Let's be real, it's bound to happen. I'm glad we got to spend time together and get a clear understanding of where we stand for what I want to do... For what I want us to become. This step is huge for me. It is a really big step because I want to go all-in, in 2020. That's exactly what I plan on doing. I guess this is another part of my life that I will have to thank Julio for, lol. This is looking to be like the new trend for 2020. That trend being, thank Julio for everything, lol

As the day turned to night, I made my way over to the heights. It's packed in NYC. Everyone is headed to Time's Square to watch the ball drop. It was so packed that the MTA kicked everyone off the subway because they had to shut it down. I'm still new here, I kinda freaked out. I didn't know where I was. All I knew is I had to get out of there. So I called lyft to take a car to my destination. I arrived at Jesus's place a little later than I intended. But, I made it. I'm so glad I got to be with my brothers for NYE. It's a nice change of shift for me. I got to meet Jesus's side of the family and I settled in and ate along with them. It was a good time surrounded by beautiful souls. As we counted down to midnight, Jesus, Julio, and I said goodbye to this shitty year, and hello to the great unknown that is 2020. We left Jesus's house and went over to Julio's aunt's place for a little after-party. Never in my life have I seen a more loving and lit NYE party that late in the evening. It was a blast. Everyone was dancing and just celebrating love and life. I was getting a tiny bit tipsy, not a lot though. I was sober enough to remember all these details. The boys and I hung out with Julio's brother, Alex, and sister, Jenny. I love those 2 as well. I met them on Christmas, and we just clicked. They are the best, and I'm fortunate enough to call them family now, as well. Julio's uncle kept handing us drinks, so the boys started to get more drunk than I was. We figured it was a good time to leave the party and head back to Jesus's party. So we said our goodbyes and took a short, but loud walk back to Jesus's place. By loud, I mean, we sang "Nothing On You" by B.O.B and Bruno Mars on the street at 2:30 am. Out of everything from that night, that moment there, I think that solidified our bond even more. I'll now always look back at that moment, as one of the happiest moments of my life. I'll also look at it as the starting point of the calm before the storm we are about to create this year. When we got back to Jesus's place, everyone was asleep. We didn't want to wake anyone, so we deadass walked back over to Julio's aunt's house. When we showed up, Alex and Jenny had left. So we just hung out and rang in the first hours of the New Year, watching everyone dance. As the last of the party continued to party, Julio decided to proclaim that 2020 will now be the year of JULIUS. Now you see where the name comes from, lol. Hey, its a fancy name and we are about to do some fancy things in 2020, lol. As it got later, Jesus was already falling asleep on the couch. So I walked him back home, got him there safely, and spent a night at his place. As my brother went to sleep, I laid down and felt nothing but grateful for the fun night I just had. It meant a lot to me, to be surrounded by people, I now call family. I never had a New Year's Eve like this one. I don't know if I ever will have one again. What I do know is, I'm grateful that I got to end such a bad year, on such a happy note. It's all thanks to my brothers. That song may be about girls, but I interpret it this way now - Nothing on you, means nothing on our bond, our brotherhood, and the greatness we are about to share with the world.

As the morning came, I woke up and felt very weird that a whole year had just passed. I left 2019 behind, and now here I am at Jesus's place on the first day in this year of the unknown. When Jesus woke up, he got ready and we headed out to brunch. We went to this Gossip Girl kinda brunch place. Let me tell you, it was everything and more. We just sat there making jokes about the world that was around us. It's different than the world that we come from, but, it's also kind the world we will be living in one day soon. It's very meta to be on the outside looking in, it's nice though. One day we will be on the inside, remembering what it was like to look from the outside. That moment will come. I know it will, and when it does, it will hit each of us. After we finished brunch, we walked around central park, eventually leading us to Time's Square, and then back to the heights. Yes, we walked all over and just talked about everything and anything. We talked about our past, our present, and our future. There is so much that we both want to do, and together we can help each other get there. All of us, from Julio to Chris, and anyone else that comes along, we can get to our goals. It is 100% possible. I could not have asked for a better first day of the year. It was calm, it was so calm. The storm is brewing within us, and when it releases, it will become surreal for all of us.

When I got home to Brooklyn, I thought about everything that came before today, everything that came before this first day of 2020. That was another life and another person. In 2019 I set out to do things that would push me past my comfort zone. I took the first steps in doing that when I boarded that plane in March 2019 to visit this city that I now live in. Now that I'm in 2020, I have to do that constantly. It is all about growth. The changes we go through and the challenges we face, it takes us to places that we never thought we could go. A year ago I never saw myself spending New Year's day walking around New York with my brother. Now here I am, way over the lines of comfort and learning new things about myself, that I didn't even know was inside of me. This feeling of happiness within my soul, I never had this before I moved to New York. Then there are the motions of letting down even more guards, that I didn't even know I had put up. 2019 was shitty, but, I'm so grateful that the tail end of 2019, brought me to this moment... I'm glad I got to plant the seeds for 2020 within everything I'm starting via the bonds we are creating. As we grow and let our lighting strike all over 2020, I know that whenever the storm becomes too much for me, I can always go back to the calmness that happened before it all. The calmness in the joy, the laughs and the smiles everyone had on New Year's Eve, 2019... and the joy in my heart as my brothers and I sang "Nothing On You", drunk, at 2 am, enjoying life, and finally taking the steps to live a little.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Alex Chavez

What I'm Wearing: Jacket - Vans, Hoodie - Seek Discomfort, Pants - Uniqlo, Shoes - Vans, Hat - H&M, Glasses - Rayban

the lovers. the dreamers... and me

1/13/2020

Prelude.
Once Upon A Time...
There was a boy who accepted the world. He was lost for a while, that was out of his control. You see, he grew up in some tough situations. There's a lot, but we're not gonna talk about all that. Let's just recap... When he was 19 at the rise of his music career, it ended in an abrupt halt. He got diagnosed with a disease called Glaucoma. He went from singing in the studio to getting 7 major eye surgeries. Then when life once again hit a rough patch, he got hit by a car and almost died. He turned his back on the world, but somehow, in time, opened his heart to the idea of it. Once his heart opened, he fell in love. From that love he learned and continues to learn the hard lesson of choosing yourself first, instead of drowning, trying to save a sinking ship over and over. He let down every wall and let his loved ones in on a deeper level. He did new things, not just normal things, but things that he would never have tried. He chose love over fear, and that's what brings him to where he is right now. From a small town called Fairfield to the Santa Monica heat of Los Angeles, to the twin peak lights shining through San Fransisco. It all lead him down the yellow brick road, to the mad brick, big apple, New York, New York. Over the years he dreamed of being in the city of dreams. After every high, every low, and after he reaccepted the world, he's ready to take his place and do what he was always born to do. He's ready to right the wrongs, and take all the good that came from the bad and make something new out of it. In a beautiful, but delicate world, filled with so much negativity, he chooses to stand above the rest and bring reality back to the drowned out, auto-tuned song that the world has become. There are lovers, there are dreamers... and then there are those in the middle, where lovers and dreamers meet. So who is this boy? Well, duh, it's me. I'm Roydom Lucian... and this is my story.

CHAPTER 1: Welcome To New York
Entry #1: "The Lovers. The Dreamers... And Me."

Dear readers,
Oh a fresh blank page... it's nice to fill you up with words. Hello from New York, New York. I'm Roydom Lucian. Think of me as the male Carrie Bradshaw, but 100% more grunge. I mean, I like to think of me as the male Carrie, but that's some high competition right there. Anyways, I'm new to town. I just arrived from San Fransisco, CA. So I obviously haven't got a taste of the "Sex and The City" lifestyle, then again, that's not my thing. Like Carrie, I just write A LOT. As you get to know me, you'll know I don't tend to leave that many details out. Long story short, I am a singer-songwriter who got screwed over by higher-ups, who just failed to see beyond an illness. For the last 5 years, I've been sick with this disease called Glaucoma. Then last year, I got hit by a car and almost died. So from going blind and nearly seeing the white light, that's probably why I went full-on grunge. I mean when you fly off of a minivan and land face forward to the ground, you don't become "Superman", more like, the poster boy of a crime scene. Anyways, all these stories are for another entry and another song. With all the bad juju that happened over the last 5 years, I was ready to bolt from Northern California. I have moved to the city dreams, because I am here to reclaim my place in the world and show people the new life that breathed into me, via all the bad that has happened. I was once another person, but I arrived here as who I have always wanted to be. For so long I struggled with who I am, but I now feel like I have the most confidence I have ever had. When you're on top of the world and the world kicks you out of it, it's hard to get back into it. It's hard to feel accepted, but I never lost hope, even in the moments I was willing to lose hope. For me to feel accepted, I had to accept myself and all that has happened. There's no going back to who I used to be. My mom always says, 'move forward'. So that's what I've done after these hellish last few years, I've moved forward and it brought me to New York City.

I ain't gonna lie. My first few days here were SHITTY. From the hot mess that is my apartment, to getting the flu. It was rough. I don't regret leaving California, but I sure as hell regret what I arrived into. I wasn't even able to enter my building until some godforsaken hour. I'd rather not talk about anymore of it, because my head is in such a better place now, regardless of my very much still shitty apartment. I have to remind myself, it's not about where I live. I am here in New York City. I took this leap, on my own, WITH this illness, to a city that is so far from who I used to be. I'm not gonna lie, it can get lonely. It was at first, because no one really gave me the time of day, except for one. When I came to visit New York in my last life, I made a brother named Jesus. Yes, like Jesus, god’s son, lol. Oh Jesus. Not only has he become my best friend, but he's more than that. He's my brother and he's my family. He took me in when the world tried to shut me out as I banged loudly on the front door of my apartment building at 3am. When I met him in March 2019, it was god's gift to me. He's not just my brother, but he's honestly the most talented rapper in New York. I mean that. All these years i've been looking for people like me, people who have voices that have important things to say. That's Jesus, that's me. You put us together and the possibilities are endless. On day 3 of my new life here, he introduced me to his cousin Julio. You may see me refer to him as Julius. It's an inside joke, you'll figure it out as this story goes on. Anyways, thanks to my brother Jesus, Julio also has grown into one of my best friends and brothers. In a short amount of time too. Deadass, I would be so lost if J never introduced me to Julio. He has shown me around, introduced me to his friends, his beautiful family even took me in as a family member, heck our convos have gone real deep, so we're bonded for life now. Both of them, together, accepted me right away, and turned my shitty arrival experience into a life I could only dream of, from the hospital hallways I once roamed.

I don't know who's genius idea it was for me to arrive here during the holiday season... oh wait, that was my idea too... oops, lol. Within my first few days, it was Christmas time. Over the years with my job, I have been able to make friends from afar, so I had one other friend in Brooklyn, named Urszula. Luckily she was in town to spend a whole day with me. She's pretty well known. Just google her and you can see she is a star. Not just any star, but she's seriously one of the coolest girls and she's also basically the QUEEN of Brooklyn. I've been in this social influencing game for 5 years now, but I've never experienced being a New York influencer. Urszula took me out to the Paul Smith holiday party. Reminder, this happened on my 4th day as a citizen of New York City. Not many people would be lucky to say that. So, I just jumped in and went for it. It was so cool to see things from an East Coast perspective. It's very different from SF and where I come from. It's going to take me a second to adjust, but I know I will. As the event started to wind down, Urszula and I headed out for a night on the town. From a cocktail bar in the lower east side to a comedy club/bar, also on the lower east side. You could say my first week in New York was pretty eventful. I got to meet some cool people at the holiday party and at the various bars, we went to. Like Sam. Sam is one of Urzsula's friends. He's a model from New Jersey. It was great to meet another non-New Yorker, but still here in this city for one reason, dreams. Like me, Sam is here for a better life too. I guess Urzsula knew I needed to be around kindred spirits. The 3 of us parted ways close to 2 am. Which is weird for me. I usually am in bed by then. I guess this is my first late-night New York experience. Which is why I'm writing about it. I don't want to forget it. I never had nights like these in California. Even when I was on my own in LA. These little things mean something to me. I've never lived a life, and I'm glad to see myself start to take little steps like these.

These little steps out into the world would not be possible without Jesus and Julio. After my eventful night with Urszula and Sam, Julio took me out the next day. We walked all over and just talked about everything and anything. I needed that. There is something about those boys, they make me feel like myself, they make me feel at home. We ended the night in the heights. The heights being, Washington Heights, New York. I got to go eat warm vegan food. Listen to me, EATING WARM FOOD HAS BEEN A GIFT FOR ME. I have no damn stove in my apartment. So when a place has warm food, I'll take it. It was so good too. Ugh. Enough about that, otherwise I'm gonna get hungry. Seriously though, I meant what I said, our convos got deep. I knew in that moment, this dude will be around for life now. As the week went on, Jesus found his way over to my apartment. Let's just say, my brother gets what I mean when I say, this place is not what we expected. I swear I'll go more into depth on this whack place, later on... Anyways, we got to write for a few hours. We're in the process of writing something good. You know Jesus is part of the reason why I came back to New York. When I saw him perform in March, it did something to me. So, to be in a room as artists and brothers, writing about our experiences, it meant a lot to me. It still does as we continue on this pathway we are building for us. When I left California, my family told me to find my family here in New York. These guys, Jesus and Julius, opened the door for me and welcomed me into their families. A family supports each other through it all, through and through. I hope my brothers know, now that I'm here, our lives will be really different. By different, I mean different in a good way. I feel like we are creating a unit and a team, via our bond. I don't know what it is, but I feel something good is around the corner for the 3 of us. Speaking of meeting their families, Julius invited me over to spend Christmas with his family and Jesus. So, I accepted the invite. I'm lucky I even get to be around family during this time. So that meant a lot to me.

As Christmas day approached and I headed to Julius's, I started thinking to myself on the subway. Man, how lucky am I to be here in New York City. After all that I've been through, I somehow managed to escape the remains of the tower I was locked inside of. Sure, I came to New York to grow and expand upon myself. But let's be real, I came here, because I know I can get back to doing what I'm meant to do. What is that? That's my music. I know in my heart, my songs were meant to play out loud over this city. I know I have to eventually go back to LA, but New York has to be my first stop, on a journey that I know will lead me back there. I felt it in my bones, in my heart, and my soul, when I was here in this city, the last time. Deadass, I still feel it right now. I came here to create a bond with likeminded people. To create a unit, a brotherhood, a sisterhood, a family, all of it. I came here because I know it is possible. I did all that I could in SF. I did all that I could as the man that I used to be. Being sick for so long, I never got to prove myself. I'm here to prove to everyone, but mostly MYSELF, that living life and fulfilling your destiny is possible. When I was really sick, I had no one like me, to look up to. I'm not looking to be a role model, but I am looking to make an impact. Yes, I want the Grammy, the fans, the touring life, all that good stuff. More than anything, I want to make my words, my story, I want all of it to make an impact. That way, if someone ever feels the way I felt, when my life turned to hell, they can say, if Roydom Lucian can make it through, and rise above it all, then we can too. So, sure, my new life in NYC started a little off-key, but, I know myself. I know that in a city filled with lovers and dreamers, there is me... and I'm different than most people. They haven't gone through what I have gone through, to get here. I have these seeds planted within the brotherhood that is growing, the new experiences I am going through, all these changes happening daily. What that becomes, I guess we'll just have to find out together. As the A-line headed to my destination, the prerecorded message on the train speaker said: "please be seated"... We're in for a wild ride, everyone. Welcome to, New York.

Love, Roydom Lucian

Photographer: Chris Lopez

What I'm Wearing: Coat - Alfani, Shirt - Hugo Boss, Undershirt - H&M, Jeans - Levis, Boots - Doc Martins, Necklace - Seek Discomfort

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Shine

Nothing On You (feat. Seek DISCOMFORT)

the lovers. the dreamers... and me

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